The battle to get DH out of bed in the school holidays.

[Sleepiboi]

Kids only broke up on Tuesday and I'm already annoyed with him.

Kids are teens, so sleep in when not in school. On school days DH has to drive them /collect them as we moved further away for a bigger house and transport links aren't great.

But when it comes to the holidays he just won't get out of bed.

It causes so much tension. He would happily sleep in till midday every day if I left him.

But I wake up at around 7.30am and get up to sort the animals and other stuff that needs doing and I have to go in and wake him up 7 times over the course of hours.

He doesn't seem to think it's an issue but I think it's awful to just sleep all morning, every day.

I don't see the problem. Enjoy the peace, what are the morning jobs? Surely you get up get ready , go to work. Let them do as they please, no need to supervise. Or are you not working? If not get on with what you want to do.

Oh, you're one of those.... you truly believe that people who go to bed late and sleep in late are LAZY?

Nothing like the smug "I get up at 6am every day and am tucked up in bed by 9:30"

The only time its an issue is if there genuinely are loads of things that MUST be done in the morning. Feeding pets is one (but assuming you don't have a full farmyard, I don't think that's a huge issue if you're up for work anyway.) and obviously childcare - but with teens that doesn't feature for you.

DH is a late sleeper and late riser when he can. But, for example, he'll happily hang up washing at 9pm which I would never do. He does his invoicing late at night after dinner - again something I'd never do. He changes bedding late at night - you guessed it, not something I'd ever do. So he still gets lots of things done he just does them at very different times to me. Last night he was working in DD's bedroom in preparation for some DIY he's doing until midnight, while she slept with me in our room.....

He should be up looking for a job. This would make me angry too OP. You have to get up to feed pets because it sounds like he'd leave them to go hungry if left to him to do it. Does he go to bed by midnight or is he up all night?

You're not his mother though, he's a grown adult with seemingly no morning commitments. Why shouldn't he sleep in? It's a rare luxury to be able to do that, let him enjoy it (unless it's a sign of depression).

I hope you don't have attached neighbours because midnight DIY is bloody inconsiderate.

He needs to find a job.

If he was a teacher recovering from the term, I would definitely say you were unreasonable, but he is unemployed and leaving you to do everything, so I would feel annoyed too.

MN is the weirdest place.

They scream LTB for the smallest thing but think a grown man spending half the day in bed is fine.

When does he go to sleep at night?

You can resent him for not getting up or you can keep trying to force him to get up and resent him for still not getting up ... it doesn't sound like you're achieving your goal either way.

Point out how unattractive it is, wake him up at 9 30 and then get on with your day. Otherwise the only person getting worked up is you - he's still asleep!

Do you work, OP?

Initially l thought if he's on holiday from work, let him rest but actually op this would seriously piss me off.

But you still haven't said what the actual problem is, except that you think it's lazy. There doesn't seem to be any shirking of responsibilities.

"in preparation for DIY" is what I said - he's been sorting all her stuff, moving a lot of it into boxes for short term storage (and secretly into other boxes for charity shop because she's a junior hoarder), cleaning the shelves etc. I can't even hear him through closed doors in the house. He's not drilling and sawing!

What @Gladespade said. He sounds lazy. If he was unwell or burnt out fair enough but sounds like he's lazy & you're fed up with doing everything yourself.

Your body clock is different than his.

I will be in bed half the day today because I was up working all night. And that IS fine.

Isn't it?

So what is the problem? What’s bothering you so much?

Can you get to the root of it?

So what is your issue? Is it that you have to do all the morning jobs? if it's just jobs, then split out who does what - do they all have to be done in the morning?

Or is it that you think that people who get up early are more virtuous (which is the message I'm getting from this thread)? Do you make your teens get up as well?

But it is fine... unless he is spending the day in bed while you're doing all the work. So man with 2 toddlers spending all day in bed while you're run ragged - NOT okay. Man spending all day in bed while teenagers are sleeping and you're working - totally fine.

Hell, half the time DH is up late playing FIFA with teenage DS - that's when they get quality time. I barely see DS - he's on a totally different schedule to me!

Just leave him a list of jobs for when he does get up. Tbh I would feel like I had an extra teen given he is opting out of doing what needs to be done to run your home. . My exh never walked the ddog. The one we chose together... Never did school runs as he had depression. Managed to get to golf and the pub though. Maybe use the summer to plan a future that makes you happier.. I see your side totally here op..

If he was on holiday from work then I'd have no issue with him lying in bed late to relax every day. We all need a break.

If he's unemployed and able to work then I'd expect him to be up at a decent hour sharing the household jobs and seeking employment.

No shirking responsibilities? Like sorting their animals and other household chores? No you're right, this jobless man should be sleeping in til 1pm every day, while his wife does the chores, not up and actually looking for a job or anything. He doesn't need to be up at the crack of dawn, but sleeping into the afternoon is ridiculous

This place has changed so much over the years, the bar for relationships is just set so low by some people now. What an expectation to pass on to our own children.

I'm curious to know how your relationship is, once he's up and about. And how he deals with family responsibilities. Does he leave it all to you?
What time does he go to bed? And what would happen if you just got on with your day, regardless of him?

I think we need more information.

Sounds alot like depression to me. He needs a job.
How old are you both OP?
My DH got a bit like this after retirement, he was 58. He’s 62 now, went back to work full time 2 years ago and has his old spark back.
You need to really talk to him. What work did he do before?

He needs to get a job to motivate him.