The battle to get DH out of bed in the school holidays.

[Sleepiboi]

Kids only broke up on Tuesday and I'm already annoyed with him.

Kids are teens, so sleep in when not in school. On school days DH has to drive them /collect them as we moved further away for a bigger house and transport links aren't great.

But when it comes to the holidays he just won't get out of bed.

It causes so much tension. He would happily sleep in till midday every day if I left him.

But I wake up at around 7.30am and get up to sort the animals and other stuff that needs doing and I have to go in and wake him up 7 times over the course of hours.

He doesn't seem to think it's an issue but I think it's awful to just sleep all morning, every day.

Leave him lay for a bit, I do all school runs and I’m loving not having to get up, albeit a lie in for me is 8am. If it continues into next week have a chat, if he is falling back to sleep then his body needs the rest

Can I ask a daft question?
why do you need to wake him?
I'm assuming he’s not at work? That the teens are also asleep? So why does he need to be up at 7.30?

I cannot wait for mine to be teens in the summer holidays soo I don’t need to get out of bed!

Does the man not work!?

Is he a teacher and off for the summer? If the kids don’t need looking after, does it matter if he sleeps in? I understand if you’d like to take it in turns to sleep in so sometime is up with the animals. But I don’t understand why you’d both need to get up early

I don't expect him to get up at 7.30, not at all.

I do that because that's just my bodyclock.

But by 9.30 he's had a 2.5hour lie in compared to a schoolday.

And if I don't wake him up he will sleep in till 1pm!

Maybe he likes it, and thinks you're the awful one for moaning at him.

Does he work OP?

Does he not work?

Does he not have a job?

Are you both teachers? School holidays don’t make any difference to my and DH’s schedule, just DS’s.

Let him manage his getting up time

No he doesn't work at the moment. We are going through alot of stuff. But he's always been like this with sleeping!

He does volunteer work but that's in the afternoon and is 2 hours and related to his hobby so not a chore at all to him.

Just let him sleep and you can enjoy the peace and quiet

I am an earli bird and while it would annoying me I certainly would not be going in waking someone up. I would not appreciate someone trying to force me to stay in bed. u do ur stuff and make sure he does his fair share of something else. It not fair yo impose our ways on others. If u were going to miss a flight fair enough. Maybe he is forced to be a mornun person, but that not really his default setting. Just realised he doesn't work.much. is that the issue causing resentment?

Ok. I'll just leave him in bed everyday till lunch time whilst I do all the morning jobs alone.

What jobs do you want him to get up for? Why can’t you leave them for him to do when he gets up? Unless he has somewhere to be or something that has to be done let him do what he wants. Just because you don’t want to stay in bed doesn’t mean he shouldn’t… it would be different if the kids needed sorting etc and I’d expect him to be up before them but if they’re not up I don’t see the urgent need for him to be.
Edit - I had assumed he was a teacher or worked shifts so would cut him more slack but I see he doesn’t have a job. I don’t know the circumstances but that would annoy me more than the sleeping in.

It doesn't sound like he's unduly adding to your load by sleeping in? If he is, is there something he can do in the evening?

Not working, teens rather than preschoolers, let him sleep in!

I’d find this lazy and gross - couldn’t be with someone who was slugging about in bed all day.

Do you work? ie do you have to get up at 7:30 because you have to go off to work? In which case, just let this go - why does he have to get up becase you do?

If you don't work, I could see the value in taking turns to get up early to do things like feeding pets or whatever.

DH used to be a SAHD with a bit of ad hoc work. In the holidays, yes, I landed up having to feed the pets every single morning and I never got made a cup of tea in the morning and yes, I felt a bit annoyed by that. But that was my problem, not his.

Now he works shifts so some mornings in the holidays he's up earlier than me and does those chores and others I'm up earlier than him and do them. This week he's off - he's upstairs fast asleep as I type. I'm getting ready to get going for the day.

This is how I feel.

If it was on a Sunday or even the weekend, fine. But staying in bed till 12, 7 days a week for the whole summer?

I get that it's annoying but you have two choices - have a conversation with him about it, or leave things as they are (where you continue to seethe, or decide to chill). I refuse to take responsibility for other adults waking up or getting out of bed, while they have capacity to manage themselves.

You could take up the trumpet or drumming, perhaps? Encourage the teens to take up tap dancing, preferably before 10am?

And make sure that if you do the morning jobs that cannot be left, he shares the load by doing the jobs that need doing later in the day.

Don't do any of the jobs that only or mostly benefit him. Make sure your teens do their bit, too.

Can you speak to him and explain that you want some help with all the morning jobs. Is there a chance he is depressed? Unless there is a health issue, it is a bit strange. It is great he is volunteering even if it is hobby related.
It doesn't sound very healthy for him or you as it is upsetting you. When do you two spend time together?

That’s completely AWFUL, leave him alone he is an adult and can sleep if he wants!

I would dump you if you woke me up just because I’m not fitting in with your body clock, who says your way is the right way?

(Im hoping he is bringing in some income though and not just acting like a teenager with no job, then that is a different story, but still, you are not his mammy.)

The answer to this isn't waking him up, though.

It was finding a partner who didn't need or want this much sleep.

I'm presuming that he hasn't suddenly started doing this; or become unwell and this is a side effect - so it's just him, and he's unlikely to change it.

So you need to come to terms with it, or you're forever going to be clashing heads over you wanting him awake, and him not seeing why he has to be.