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When your parents died, what surprised you about what your siblings wanted from the estate?

208 replies

Weenurse · 21/07/2024 01:22

My Mum passed away recently.
Long way from sorting out her things, but she does have some lovely family pieces and furniture that I thought my siblings would want.
The thing we are light heartedly fighting about, are her recipe books. One book in particular that has all of her hand written family favourites in it.
Mum stipulated names in a hat and pick on drawn out order for fairness. I am hoping to be drawn out first for those books.
(I have already photographed my favourite pages just in case I miss out)
So what surprised you about your family and what they wanted from the estate?

OP posts:
OffToJoinTheCircus · 23/07/2024 18:44

It's really the little sentimental things that I have that mean the most. My Nan's cookbooks, my step Nana's heavy weight that kept the kitchen door open, my DDad's pint beer glass and my DMum's colander. All are used regularly and always bring a smile. I was devastated to lose my Mum's keyring about 8 years ago, tears and all. They amazingly turned up a couple of months ago in the bag I'd been using that day and had pulled apart numerous times to find them originally. It was like all my Christmases had come at once!

justasking111 · 23/07/2024 19:01

Kitchen bits from an aunty, we realised that the silver, jewellery and other valuable stuff had vanished but we suspected a neighbour who had looked after her had snaffled it .

Used the mazlin pans a lot, the meat grinder was great. I have her bibles given when she was a child at Sunday school.

Somethingsnappy · 24/07/2024 09:58

This is a really interesting thread, and I've read every single reply. We also had a situation where, when DGM died, my mum's sibling and my cousins took most of the lovely things first, despite DM being the primary carer, and her sibling not really bothering very much with DGM. They got all the beautiful antique furniture.

The thing I would have loved, was a set of wildlife plates, each one different to the next. I learned young how to identify so many flowers and birds from those plates. My cousin has them, but she is my absolute favourite, adored cousin, so it does give me pleasure to think of her still using them!

What has been lovely about reading this thread though, is that it's made me think about all the things I do have from DGM, both things given before she died, and a few bits afterwards. I have some jewellery, not worth anything, but very sentimental, she'd had made from things like shells and gems she found on beaches etc. In fact I'm wearing one today that I haven't worn in years, simply because this thread reminded me to dig it out!

I also have her hat, a gorgeous silk scarf from the 1930s that I used to wear all the time, a faded shawl/blanket that used to live over the back of her chair, a couple of ornaments that she bought in a place beloved to both of us, and an antique ornament that has been in the family for generations, that is worth simething, but I'll never sell! That was the thing that surprised me that the others didn't want. It's the thing that reminds me most of her gorgeous country cottage and all the magical time I spent there. And also a beautiful ring that DGF bought her years before. Finally a couple of DGF's diaries and his pipe that still smells beautifully of him.

Scorchio84 · 24/07/2024 16:53

JohnTheRevelator · 23/07/2024 17:37

When my DM died,my brother wanted everything,the house,all her savings,the lot. I suspect this was because he was treated as the 'Golden Child' Thankfully my DM had made a will that stipulated we got an equal share in everything. Consequently,I am now NC with my brother.

Oh my god that's awful! Imagine your mammy didn't have a will? Also the grabbiness at such a time of bereavment? It's possibly the worst time to even think of how to divvy up the spoils for want of a better term, it brings out the worst in people

ScrumpleDumplin · 29/07/2024 09:24

Hmmm what surprised me most was my sisters, and what they wanted most was:

EVERYTHING!

I nearly lost my dignity to them too!

I certain lost their contact details 🤷‍♀️
after a few years waiting for either to acknowledge appalling behaviour and apologise. 🍷

Now I just think of how lucky I am to not know them anymore.

I still remember one as a teenager snorting at me because I mentioned related to Cinderella, I think referring to my housework load.

Looking back she was the prettiest gal in school but she sure choose to be ugliest at home!

I think they buried their morals when they buried our DP

In that respect OP I think the strangest thing to want (when someone dies) is the families dignity, and the most surprising thing to find (too often) is that this doesn’t happen.

But my heart is warmed by the stories of sharing items and how this helped siblings share memories and grief, very beautiful. 🌤️

Chaotica · 29/07/2024 09:39

The only contested item was the breadknife. Funny because we already have other passed-down kitchen equipment from earlier generations which DM had which is still in use (some items which are easily mid-19th century). The recipe books were amazing, but many too well-used for 60 years to hold together.

1questionfromme · 29/07/2024 09:45

How do I nominate this thread for classics? It's lovely.

Weenurse · 29/07/2024 13:43

Well , we did names in a hat.
DB1 got the recipe books and Dads barometer, DB 2 our Grandmothers vase and the green glass water jug our DM bought her mother with her first pay check, DB3 our fathers mantle clock and our Grandmothers sideboard that our Mum restored and I got the wind chimes and the cuckoo clock.
Everyone was happy, we all seemed to want different things that had special meanings for us.
Interesting that the big, expensive items are still there to be discussed another day and to be offered to the grandchildren.
I did copy favourite recipes so everyone got copies.

OP posts:
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