When your parents died, what surprised you about what your siblings wanted from the estate?

[Weenurse]

My Mum passed away recently.
Long way from sorting out her things, but she does have some lovely family pieces and furniture that I thought my siblings would want.
The thing we are light heartedly fighting about, are her recipe books. One book in particular that has all of her hand written family favourites in it.
Mum stipulated names in a hat and pick on drawn out order for fairness. I am hoping to be drawn out first for those books.
(I have already photographed my favourite pages just in case I miss out)
So what surprised you about your family and what they wanted from the estate?

This post has made me think hard, I’m the only surviving member of my family, my brother died 40 years ago as a teen, Dad 20 years ago and my mum in 2020. She had kept sentimental items from my brother and Dad, and I’ve kept these along with a lot of memories of her and our old home. I don’t have children and non of this will mean anything to my step children or their descendants and quite rightly so. I really need to start chipping away at clearing some of this but I just don’t know how to start.

A stained polo shirt.
My dad always use to spill food down himself whilst eating, this polo shirt still has a food stain (despite being washed).
I'm planning to have the polo turned into a bear and I want the stain included.

My mum died suddenly 9 years ago. My stepdad still lives in their home so we didnt do the full lot of dealing with her things and wont until stepdad passes (he is only in his 70s as he was the "younger man" so likely some years) what surprised me was my brother has expressed he wants our mothers Royal Copenhagen blue platters (adding a photo) she had about 100 of them and they are set up around a particular type of shelf called an "Amager shelf" with loads of knick knacks. The slef was one her father made (my mother liked knick knacks) bro seemed sheepish asking for it I suspect he thought both sister and I wanted it. I don't nor does sister.

Sister and I both had a piece of jewellery we wanted I can recall wondering what if it was the same. However it turned out she wanted the daisy chain and I wanted the rose. We both have specific childhood memories about the piece we wanted. I love mime but she liked her chains way longer than I did and I've never got a shorter chain for it
I think I will for dd1s wedding next year.

I'm pretty sure d bro and dsis expect me to want the clock but idk I do want it. However it was in my childhood home and not my siblings (Divorced parents they were with our dad I was with out mum) but idk I don't feel a strong pull for it.

On my wall here I have a pipe smoking hanger that was in my stepgrandparents home. I love that and it makes me smile every day I look at it.

None of us wanted the large items. It was the small things that reminded us of the person and the good times we had with them. We divided photos but digitised them so everyone can print them even if they do not have the original.

I took the domino set. It reminded me of the hours of dominoes games played and the fun that was had.

A sibling took some of the vinyl records.

Grandchildren took jewellery and watches.

I love the idea of taking handwritten recipes and photos and combining them into one book. That would be a beautiful keepsake.

My nana died years ago when I was only 10, I am nearly 50. My mum kept her button box and a few years ago I made button heart pictures and framed them for my nanas great granddaughters, they all loved them.

From my grandad

A brass owl with red eyes that was a match holder - not sure why I loved that so much.

A silver needle holder that belonged to my gran.

A yellow, swirly glass ashtray that is really heavy and very glamorous (I don't smoke, it has rings in it).

And a pigeon ornament - Grandad kept pigeons.

Very random!

Aside from some photos there is nothing particular I would want.

Lots of vulture siblings on here along with my own. Makes me feel bizarrely a bit better. I have in fact included a paragraph in my Letter of Wishes attached to my will which I've name the 'Auntie S$$$$ Clause'. My children know what it means. Essentially they are not to take any of my possessions without first consulting the other. If possible they're to simply take turns. Nothing leaves the house without the other's consent.

I suppose her actions have given us a collective giggle.. grrrrr!

@Weenurse absolutely nothing!!! didnt even get a single photo of my childhood!!! my little sis didnt even get her wedding album! big sis got the house and everything in it down to the last tin of beans in the cupboard!! evil bastard!!!

So sorry to hear this @DilemmaDelilah , I hope you are okay for many years to come

My DC were young adults when their Granny died. They both wanted a rather battered toy rabbit which Granny had bought from a charity shop when they were little. They used to play endlessly with it at her house.

Bunny Wabbit now spends his time between them, being amicably swapped over every few months.

I most love my mother's spiral bound hand written recipe book. It is seeing her handwriting that does it. She also used to cut out recipes from magazines and some are very much of their era- sweetcorn bacon and banana stuffing anyone?

From my grandmother I had a blue and white stripey milk jug.

From my paternal grandfather I have a hoe. He was a gardener on a country estate- a bonus when I cleared my father's house was a small book of photos showing the "staff fete" circa 1940 with knobbly knee contests and egg and spoon races!

From my father I have clocks which he loved (I hated them as a child as they chimed and woke me) but I set them off once a month and they remind me of him

My brother decided he had to have everything from our Mother's, best of it was she'd nothing all her days. Even down to wee clogs that my girls played with when they were tiny. Hasn't brought him any luck he lost his son in a tragic accident and now goes about telling people who know both of us how "close" we are. As the late Queen said recollections may vary!.

I was surprised by how much my Dsis wanted her money. She's always said how money isn't everything but Mum had 2.5k left in her savings and Dsis had it before we could blink.
She then rushed me into deciding what I wanted to keep out of her belongings, said no to to least half of what I mentioned, changed Mum's funeral plans to suit herself and then, once it was all done, she started telling me where I could and couldn't put the things I'd kept.

Sorry for you loss 💐

When the time comes I would love to have all the historical family photos. Grandparents, great grandparents, great uncles and aunts. Even old family friends who I don’t even know! I think it’s a lovely social history reminder and I’m pretty sure my siblings would be glad to let me have them.

I still have my maternal grandparents, both in their early 80s. I can't imagine wanting to keep any material items from their house... There are items that spark nostalgia, but nothing that I'd use practically and I don't see any value in keeping things for sentiment (reading this thread, am now wondering if I'm dead inside). They do have a 3yr old dog though, and I very much hope I'm allowed to keep her when they're no longer able to look after her. She gets on so well with my similarly-aged dog, and I know we would give her a happy life.

My mum is 60 and has a beautiful house. I hope one day to inherit some of her art and cookbooks. I would definitely display the art she's collected over the years, and I'd actively use her cookbooks.

My grandma died when I was a teenager, I have a couple of crystal paperweights which were always on display on a shelf at hers, they catch the light beautifully. From my nana I have a milk jug. She didn't have much and I wasn't around when mum and dad cleared her flat. But they thought I'd like the jug.
DH ended up bringing home a lot of MIL's things after she died as his siblings didn't want them. We took a lot of the kitchen things. She had an old Pyrex casserole dish which I love and use often. Also her big old rotary whisk, the cherry stoner, the cheese slicer. All old and very well made. She was a great one for kitchen gadgets. I think in her later years she singlehandedly kept Lakeland and Dunelm in profit.
My mum and dad are still alive but like many others I would be interested in the old recipe book mum uses. So many memories of childhood weekends baking cakes and biscuits.

When my mother died, my sister and I tossed a coin and then starting going through the items we wanted. I have her bread board (if I run my fingers over the back of if it, I can see the indentations of where she chopped up herbs), my best friend asked for her mixing bowl as that is how she remembered my mum, always baking. For my sister, it was the hand painted sundae dishes... I have a Victorian sailor's embroidery of a clipper ship in my custody as it was promised to an elder brother who had disappeared. I was also given her camelia from the garden, which blossomed in my house soon after being moved. But mostly she left me love and the ability to cope at whatever life throws my way.

Imglad for you @mindutopia

What I wanted to take from my gran's house was the smell from the larder cupboard

I brought an old woolen blanket from my gran'shouse. I didnt think her house had a particular smell until I lay on the sofa with the blanket and the smell of her home was right there. Im sure the smell has worn off by now but now and again i think i get a hint of it

No idea as I was NC with them. But years earlier an elderly aunt of my mother’s died and had named several people in her Will who could each choose one item from her house. I wanted to say goodbye to the house, she’d always been kind to me though I wasn’t in the Will thanks to parents. I was shocked to see the nicest, grandest piece of furniture had a luggage label on it with their name in my father’s writing. Later found she’d changed her Will less than 2 years earlier aged 95 naming my brother as executor so explains how my parents who lived hundreds of miles away were first off the blocks. I as glad I was NC after that.

Our mother was so horrible that neither of us wanted anything that would remind us of her. I took back a couple of ornaments I'd bought her as they were things I liked myself/
Apart from that, everything went to the charity shop of the dump

Not siblings but I would have loved my Dgrans wooden spoons for cooking. Just something personal I could use in daily life.

I think I must not have been asked and mum/her siblings got a house clearance company so who knows where the spoons are now. I hope they are still going and stirring someone's gravy for Sunday dinner today!

She had a great 1940's big wooden wireless though no houseroom for that.

I've got lovely memories of her, that's enough for me. Best inheritance going.

Dmum is still going strong but will be interesting to see what my sister and I choose as momentos when that (sad) day comes. I would have loved the 1970's advocado coloured phone but that is long gone as is our landline.

Honestly can't think of anything apart from sentimental kitchen stuff like plates from when we were growing up.

At Christmas she has this pink 'crystal effect' handled cutlery set which me and Dsis mock argue about every year. I'm so having this when mum goes/Not if I get to it first etc It's as tacky as you like and only ever comes out on Boxing day for the buffet. I think there may be enough to split it and avoid any litigation.

No you are not dead inside, everyone is different, and you have a space and loving home for a dog that potentially may be homeless and sent to Dogs Trust or similar without your kindness. Though it may be many years before it comes to you, it is lovely that you have 'earmarked' it

I see mention of craft items handed over. I had bundles and bundles of knitting needles and wool from DM and 2 x DAunts which I divided between a local Brownie group and elders at a craft group in a local residential home. So they got new life.
Still got too much fabric and no time really to craft so need to find a new home for it.

My friends SIL wanted the weeks old 50ins smart tv so she could think of her mum whilst she was watching it
strangely she didn’t want any jewellery or photos

just needed tv and cash to Remember her mum by