When your parents died, what surprised you about what your siblings wanted from the estate?

[Weenurse]

My Mum passed away recently.
Long way from sorting out her things, but she does have some lovely family pieces and furniture that I thought my siblings would want.
The thing we are light heartedly fighting about, are her recipe books. One book in particular that has all of her hand written family favourites in it.
Mum stipulated names in a hat and pick on drawn out order for fairness. I am hoping to be drawn out first for those books.
(I have already photographed my favourite pages just in case I miss out)
So what surprised you about your family and what they wanted from the estate?

I am so sorry

A (mainly) lovely thread. It’s often those small little things that make you think of your loved one

Unfortunately the recipe I was really wanting is not in our recipe book either!

I wanted (and was allowed to have) my Nans old OXO tin full of buttons. I played with them every time we went to hers as a child and they are my favourite thing.

My share of the inheritance. He wanted me to invest in a house he was buying because he was going to make a fortune on the one he was selling and I could share in the profit. Also said should we give some money to our children? I didn’t take up his offer on the house which eventually sold for a third of the price he thought it would and just told him that he could give his son some money if he wished but I had my own plans which was to invest the money as security for me as a single parent with 2 children

I have my man's butter dish. It's a clear crystal type one and fairly ugly but it reminds me of her and my grandad slicing and buttering huge sandwiches for Sunday tea.

It’s funny isn’t it? My Grandad downsized and threw a lot of things away but when the time came to sort his flat, there was a particular mixing bowl, hand whisk and serving spoon that I asked to keep.

The same with my parents things. A very old picnic blanket, a particular odd sized ‘teaspoon’ and a very random ornament that no one knows where it came from but has always been at home!

One family member was particularly demanding wanting gifts back that they’d given over the past few years that were apparently very sentimental (clothes etc). They were so sentimental that they left them in their garage where mice damaged them beyond repair.

Nans! Not my man's

I got a load of my nan's hand written recipes and got them copied/ printed into tea towels every year as Christmas presents in a bakery with ingredients and a tub for it. Went down very well!

I have my great aunt’s button tin, I used to play with them all time when I visited. I also have the ‘fairy tea set’ in reality a cottage teapot, sugar bowl and milk jug. My auntie used to make up stories about the fairies who lived in it, and how she had to ask them before using it. Happy memories

My sister and my mum are NC but when my mum moved to the care home I contacted sister and asked as I knew my mum still had tons of things from our childhood.

She asked for a pair of ceramic cats, it seems there is a story behind them but I have no idea, I just handed them over.

Otherwise I took some small bits I have fond memories of and some glassware.
We took crockery and cutlery as DD goes to uni next year and will take it, simple white plates and mugs.
DD also snatched a lovely thick huge blanket we gifted my mum 2 years ago for Christmas, she can't use it in the care home and DD loves snuggling up in it.

We also share an item from our parents house. It passes over on mums bday, I still look forward to getting it back

We also share an item from our parents house. It passes over on mums bday, I still look forward to getting it back.

Sharing is lovely, what a good date to choose.

I should add I had lived with DGM for a year before DH and I moved in together. She gave me her 2 larger roasting tins when I left as she no longer used them - proper sturdy deep tins with the patina of years of use, that I use all the time. So much so, my DM gave me the much smaller one DGM had kept that was the size to cook a chicken breast and couple of potatoes on the rare occasion she still wanted to - which DD uses all the time in our house now!

Mine are still around, other than a clock that I have already been given, although if my Brother decided he would like it then he can have it, and photographs, there isn't anything I would specifically like.

My Dad’s lovely neighbour, who had worked with him many years ago kept the garden ticking over during probate process. Dad’s tools were anywhere in the shed bar in his tool box. The neighbour gathered them all together and presented them to me. He helped a lot with all sorts of things, so when he asked to buy 2 pine wardrobes we said no charge.

Mostly, I’ve wanted to keep small stuff. Potato masher, cookbooks, photos. I was a bit sad to let a coffee pot and set go to my SIL but I did ask her if there was anything she’d like

I shall forever be upset about my dad’s thimble collection.

My son wanted them but one of my dad’s step-grandchildren wanted them, so that’s where they went.

I have my gm’s sewing box, and it’s been very useful over the years. Never been short of a length of elastic, a darning thread, shirt button, curtain hook or safety pin.

I have a little china pig from my maternal grandparents and a set of metal casserole dishes from my paternal ones.

i love the idea of putting hand written recipes on tea cloths, I think I might do that for my mum this Christmas.

there are one or two paintings my parents own that I would like, because I don’t remember them not having them and we moved around a lot as kids so picturing them in every different house brings back a lot of memories. And the ceramic mermaid my mum made in a pottery class when I was about 5 that she’s always hung in every bathroom. Once they’re gone

When I was a tween and visited my grandma she used to take my sister and me walking early in the mornings. We'd stop at the park and have a hot drink from a flask and she would read us a chapter from a book that I think was already out of print then. I know that book would be the only thing my sister or I would want when she dies.
A couple years ago my grandma gave it to my dad. Later I realised it was missing from his bookshelf. I asked him about it and he gleefully replied that he had put it away for safe keeping because "mum's having one of her clearouts". He pulled a box out from his bedside table... but the book wasn't there. My mum has never gotten on with my grandma and she had found the book and thrown it away "because it was falling apart." My mum has a (very occasional) mean streak, but this is the single most spiteful thing she's done. There was just no reason to be so deliberately unkind, and I'm not sure I'll ever truly forgive her. I'm crying just recalling my dad's face when he realised.

@RivkaTheBold I have nannas button tin too!

I suppose I'm the weird one, I have my grandfather's tuxedo. It doesn't fit me or anyone I know and I never saw him in it. But he was an immensely strong, tall man, and I nursed him, and by the time he died he could barely move his head. And I thought his tuxedo in my wardrobe would be something that reminded me of him as he was, strong and happy

Then I had my son and he's the spitting image of him so I unexpectedly have two reminders

I have a vase from one of my nans and a cake stand from the other. I used to rearrange the artificial flowers in the vase every time I went to her flat so it was given to me.

My Dad is still alive but he's elderly and we (my sisters and I) have discussed this.

My eldest sister has asked for the wedding topper from their wedding cake.

My other sister has asked for my Mam's recipe book. There aren't any hand written recipes in it, but we remember her making dishes and cakes from the book. Funny how a few other people have mentioned recipe books.

I already have two ceramic thimbles (Mam used to collect them), but I have my eye on a glass cat which sits on the mantelpiece. Mam loved cats.

We had a similar dilemma over handwritten recipes of my Mom's. My brother took the book, photocopied the recipes and then turned it into a photo book interspersed with lots of photos of Mom. He had one done for all of us siblings. It was the most gorgeous gift and I treasure it. Maybe you could do something similar?

Friend's DH died and friend moved to a care home - she was being ruthless about chucking stuff out which no one wanted. None of her DC wanted some old family bits from FILs GPs, things like war medals ..... I said I would take them to stop them going to the charity shop. I'm guessing that her grand children WILL want some of these bits at some point.

I think interest in these things often skips a generation. My siblings and I were't that bothered about anything from our old family home, but I did take the cake stand that had belonged to my GM. Other siblings didn't;t want anything.