When your parents died, what surprised you about what your siblings wanted from the estate?

[Weenurse]

My Mum passed away recently.
Long way from sorting out her things, but she does have some lovely family pieces and furniture that I thought my siblings would want.
The thing we are light heartedly fighting about, are her recipe books. One book in particular that has all of her hand written family favourites in it.
Mum stipulated names in a hat and pick on drawn out order for fairness. I am hoping to be drawn out first for those books.
(I have already photographed my favourite pages just in case I miss out)
So what surprised you about your family and what they wanted from the estate?

I have DMs rolling pin, which was her mother’s, and the bero book we used to bake from together. Also her collection of red walking socks 🤣

That’s beautiful @LatteLady

I love that many of the items mentioned are recipe books and kitchen bits and bobs. I love the idea of getting some of the older handwritten recipes printed onto teatowels 🥰

When we were clearing my DGMs house before she died I had some of her and her mother's thing particularly Christmas tree ornaments and bed linen. Like a poster up thread these things make me smile.

I was surprised that despite being asked my cousins didn't want anything.

All I wanted when my mam died was our family photos, my sister (also dead now) took an album too, fair enough but it was such an unneccesary ordeal retrieving them from her husband after she died, also my mam & dad's wedding rings

Perhaps this thread might be the right place to mention this. I inherited a large biscuit tin full of very old black and white photos, mostly of long-gone family members and some of houses and back gardens. A few I recognise, as some people are of my late parents and grandparents, but I have no idea who all of the other people are, and there is nobody left to ask. So if any of your elderly family members have photo collections, please ask them to add notes.

What was the book? That is so sad.

Not a parent but a beloved uncle. I had no thought of having anything. He had been downsizing for years and had offered me bits and pieces for the past 16 years. My cousins had decided what to keep and what was to go and asked if there was anything I wanted. I have a beautiful wooden milking stool of unknown provenance because no one wanted it but no one wanted to throw it out and my daughter had a tiny little ornamental violin that she always remembers hanging on the wall. I knew where it had come from (it was a present from another uncle) but my cousins just saw it as clutter that their dad couldn't bear to part with. For my dd it summed up everything she remembered about DA and DU.

Could you gift some practical items to people who need them? Young people coming out of care, or women's refuges? People who don't have a bean.

Freegle is also good as sometimes people tell you why they need things.

That is so lovely!

I'm not bothered about jewellery but I'd love mum's musical jewellery box - complete with pop up ballerina.

I'd have loved a clock I had as a child - 2 pixies on a toadstool seesaw.

Very sentimental worth a lot now as I looked it up to see if I could buy one!

It went in one of mum's many clear outs over the years.

@BearBibble I second a pp - what’s the name of the book, can we find it? I know itms not The Book, but the same story and a goodly effort to replace after a “clear out” and could be a story to continue down the ages?

My friend asked for a glass ornament from my mums house because she always remembered it being there
I love seeing it in her place and was so touched she wanted something

I have nothing of particular interest but when my parents did their final move/downsized they told us to clear out any stuff they had been storing for us. One thing that survived was a children's illustrated cookbook that an Irish Aunt had given us. Now she had a scandal attached to her and was not much liked because of this, but we as children loved the book and had made many things in it. In fact I initially thought it was lost and managed to track down a copy on eBay, but was thrilled when my sister found it after my mother passed away and yet another clear out was done. I have both copies now. My regret is my kids were really too old to use it when this all happened. Maybe my eventual grandkids?
My mum had a beautiful set of hand painted dessert plates we only used at Easter. I've told my sisters if they ever find out what box those are in I'm taking them! I live in another country but I will keep them safe on my lap on the plane if need be.

My great grandmother used to have a collection of brass/copper dolls house furniture, lamps and other ornaments. I always remember it on their shelves.
My grandmother essentially packed everything into boxes and stored it at my mums because she was relocating.

My mum recently got it all out of the loft and gave us free rein- I took some of the brass and it's all displayed in my home on my fireplace now. Mum can't remember it but it makes me smile every time I look at them!
I have two beautiful copper kettles too 😊 one has a small house plant growing in it and the other is on my coffee table.

DSis kindly let me have one of the teacups and matching saucers out of Nanny's tea set too. She'd already bagged it which was absolutely fair enough!

I have the gold ring my dad wore on his wedding finger, my Dsis has his watch and my DB has his signet ring.

Our DMum bought three wall plates years ago saying they’d go up in value, there’s one for each of us but they’re pretty hideous. I will take my one when the time comes (hopefully not for many years, although she’s in her early 80’s) but I know none of my DC’s will want it so 🤷‍♀️

Slightly different as it's about my aunt's estate. She didn't have children and the estate was left equally between her nieces and nephews. It included all her jewellery. I was very surprised that nobody wanted any of it, even though I knew she'd wanted specific pieces to go to certain people. So I ended up with everyone agreeing that I could have all of it, nothing particularly valuable but some pretty pieces that mean a lot to me.

Mum had a China cabinet that was her pride and joy and always assumed one of us would take it. Neither of us wanted it, nor did any cousins so it went to auction. It's a beautiful piece of furniture but I'm not really a China cabinet kind of person and I'd spend my life being terrified of letting DS and his friends anywhere near it for fear of it getting damaged.

One thing that did surprise me is I absolutely had to have a cheapo pottery fish that was designed to hold cocktail sticks. It graced the table every Christmas, birthday, anniversary and graduation. And I had such an emotional reaction to it when I cleaned out my Mum's house that it came home with me.

Also have a blue bobble hat that I took from my Grandmas house after she died 35 years ago. It was absolutely synonymous with her and it's one of my most treasured possessions.

A specific photo frame, her favourite cardigan, her favourite mug and most importantly a small jar full of the washer liquid she was using at the time

For the recipe book, scan each page and get it printed, an amazing keepsake. It's what happened here

Mum had nothing of value so we all went for what was most sentimental to us. I took her diaries and photographs. Her diaries got me through those first couple months - because they'd been written by her it was almost like being able to connect with her. I've not been able to read them since though which is weird.

When my grandma passed , she had saved all the handmade items I had made her as child ! I had no idea and it brought back memories , little Fimo fridge magnet and a clay tray with leave imprints id made when I was around age 6 ! All the cards id made - I’m not hugely sentimental with items but it touched me she had kept them so long.

My brother lived with my mum in her house. His on/off girlfriend had returned approximately 12 hrs before my mum died.

I had been sat with my mum for six weeks, the last three on a syringe driver: she died at about 5am when no one was with her.

I was contacted at 5.40 am. When I got to mum's house at 6.30am my brother's girlfriend was clearing out the room with mum's body still there.

By the time the funeral director had taken her body, her room had been scrubbed and emptied.

The next day I had to go through the last lot of bin bags which hadn't been sent to the tip to find a memento. At the bottom of the bag was a dry cleaning bag - it contained the suit and gloves which my mum had worn to my wedding. That's what I treasure.

My sister went a bit nuts when my dad died. My brother rushed in from abroad and his emergency packing was rubbish. He didn't pack any shirts so was wearing one of dad's. My sister arrived and had a full on temper tantrum about DB 'inheriting' a shirt. My mum was like 'There's a wardrobe full of them upstairs, go and get one if you want.'. Sis stormed out, slamming the door behind her. She returned sheepishly a few minutes later. We all sat in tense silence for a while. Then she muttered 'I don't even like his sodding shirts'. And the dam burst and we were all crying with laughter. So now we all have an ugly shirt each.

Interesting how many recipes and kitchen items are most valued.
I do like the idea of a book with photos and recipes for the family members