@Catgotyourbrain and subsequent posters - I've been thinking about the question of whether any professional raises the possibility of autism, and if not why not -the response from @LongWetSummer was interesting, although I wonder about professional people even thinking about autism in adults, especially in women, when you are seeing them for some other purpose.
Like @Nepmarthiturn , I had a brother who was clearly autistic, but it never occurred to anybody that that might be the case, until I started to think about it when my brother was in his 40s. Fast forward a couple of decades, I was diagnosed in my 60s, and around the time of diagnosis it became clear that many people in the family are on the spectrum.
There's really no reason for me to dwell angrily on what wasn't done in the past. For me it's more about trying to understand, and recognising that people (including me! ) need support and a listening ear now. My confidence in doctors, particularly the ones who practice psychiatry, is pretty minimal, but a good therapist on the other hand, can be a lifesaver. The problem with good therapy is that you very often have to pay for it, which means the people who need it can't get it.