Things I never thought I would find sexy in a partner....

[Udonoodles4Tea]

Context: I have a new(ish) fella after 16 years of being with a total and utter twat.
I am finding some of the things that he does so so sexy.....

• he can pack shopping properly, no misshapen bread at the bottom of the bag, no squashed sausages, refrigerated stuff all in one bag together and food separated from cleaning products.
• he really knows how to do laundry - I am talking colour sorting, lovely scented detergents, looking at the care labels...Nice. Fluffy. Towels.

I mean, there are loads more things but I am a little too excited to mention them right now... Me in my 20s would be utterly confused, but in my 40s I honestly cannot get enough of the man.

I can't help but wonder if other MN Posters have had a similar shift in their tastes over the last 20 years?

@KeirSpoutsTwaddle
I have just accidentally stumbled across your post about DP's laundry skills on a different thread 😂 I was actually reading the thread and thinking I should point some of the poor posters on there in this direction to help them remember some of their DP's better qualities - I mean, nobody can be brilliantly competent and sexy all the time!

Yes, the sudden return of a (very high) libido with a competent DH. Absolutely brilliant.
And 10 years on it is still like that, and to be honest I did not expect that at all. Such a bonus.

@turbonerd I hear you!! 😉 Hoping we'll still be going strong in ten years too

@Udonoodles4Tea

"we all struggle with things from time to time and someone who quietly helps without gloating or making us feel stupid is definitely a plus"

This is the pertinent thing. It's the attitude. Helping out of kindness, because it's not just your responsibility, not frustration, not belittling, and because they've noticed you need help and haven't had to be asked (or nagged repeatedly) to pitch in. There are too many man-babies that leave everything to their partners, occasionally swooping in to 'save the day' (and expecting immense gratitude every time they do it) and it's deeply frustrating and eventually repellant.

Doing an equal share of domestic admin, with a few extra bits of thoughtfulness sprinkled on top. It's kinda sad that this makes us swoon, but it's genuinely more important than all the flowers and chocolate in the world.

What a lovely thread OP. DM has a thing about men in wellies ( not DH obviously 🤣) & actually I can see what she means. I find DH sexy when he’s mowing the lawn & strimming. I love how he is with our bunnies, so caring & great when they’re ill. And it’s the little things he does, like buying flowers for DD when he gets my Valentine roses or coming home with our favourite chocolate.He’s sexy when he drives - so competent handling the car. Is it me or is it hot in here?! 🔥🔥🔥

My DH is soooo handy! Has built an outside gym, pergola and can basically can watch a YouTube and do anything ... plus he wears a very sexy belt mmmmm

My new fella is happy to let me drive (my ex didn’t at all really unless forced)

He steps in to rescue me - eg yesterday when I had a flat tyre (someone had cut the sidewall) I went to work to go and deal with it but he met me there just in case I needed help or use of another vehicle to get the job done.

he brings me coffee in the mornings and makes my lunches

we were watching tv last night and the sight of his hand on my thigh was ridiculous.

he is incredibly competent at DIY and gets on with things, no stressing and no putting it off for weeks and months.

holds my hand in public all the time and carries all the bags (I get twitchy at the carrying everything because I am capable and used to doing things on my own)

Would you say your love languages match with these men? For years mine has been acts of service and physical touch, and the new man’s love languages are the same ❤️.

This is so true. I split up with my long term partner in October last year. I started dating again in April this year. I used online dating, hated every single one. Gave up on men entirely. Then 2 weeks later this man appeared in my life, we had gone to primary school together and both lived our lives - we are perfect for eachother. It’s 3 months in now and honestly I love him to pieces. He hasn’t met my kids but I’ve met his (his decision). I told him I didn’t want a relationship and couldn’t ever sleep in a bed with a man again but he’s so patient and kind. Apologises when he’s in a bad mood if it’s work related, I’ve never known anything like this 😭🥰. I feel so loved and appreciated it’s ridiculous.

@As476 this is lovely to hear!

@As476 I think you're right though, the love languages do match. There's an appreciation between the two of us in everything we do for each other. Whereas in previous relationships, my acts of service have just been taken for granted and not equated with love.
I also think that seeing DP take such care over little things like packing shopping makes me feel safe with the big things too.

Would you say your love languages match with these men? For years mine has been acts of service and physical touch, and the new man’s love languages are the same ❤️.

This is an interesting question.

My exh had few redeeming qualities but he would very happily drive and pick up my bargains on Facebook Marketplace. Distance no object.

My husband is one of the ones who does very little around the house to help the burden of everything family wise is on me I can see why you all find the bears so attractive

That is interesting you say that, because I do think it is all of the little selfless things that mean the most.

I love how DH will drive anywhere for me, go pick me up anything at all from a shop with no complaints.

It is lovely, isn’t it 😃
I told mine I was absolutely not interested in having a boyfriend and actually I had decided to be single for the next 25 years what with my ex being so shite. I had no money, no education, lived with my parents and had 3 shellshocked kids.
So not sure how it happened, but here we are 10 yrs on. I work in a good job, we have a big house and all the kids and our dog. And we got married.

Never raised his voice to me. Always happy to chat. Not perfect, but just very kind and funny. He’d made me kind too, and given me self esteem and this still-New feeling of being safe and sound.