AIBU husband w*nking

[FarmerJojo81]

What are people's views on this? I know my husband does it and he says he needs to orgasm daily so if we don't have sex for a few days then I understand he gets frustrated. I turn a blind eye but know it goes on discretely - fine. For context we have had issues with our sex live since DC was born but have been trying to get back on track and this week have been having regular sex. Today I walked into the bedroom and he was having a wank whilst watching something on his phone. I was annoyed as it was morning and I was in the kitchen getting child's breakfast. I came looking for husband to see where he was. Child could have easily walked in. I was livid.

He is now annoyed with me as I "shamed" him and overreacted. I have apologised for storming out but not for being angry and said I don't take responsibility for his actions. He's saying it's all about how I make him feel and connected to our sex life problems.

Wanking is a morality free personal choice. However, like any other personal choice it has implications for other people. I wouldn't wank at a time or place where a child might wander in.

Porn use isn't. It's a choice to condone the exploitation of women or not. Unless you are using ethical porn-which nobody is ever able to define.

It’s about decisions and acceptance, or at least compromise. Some people object to porn, others to meat/ animal produce consumption while others are eco warriors. This is all fine as long as people make these choices for themselves. What is not ok is when they start shaming others for not sharing the same sentiment and ideals.

"What is not ok is when they start shaming others for not sharing the same sentiment and ideals."

That is certainly true about wanking. But porn is exploitative.It's no more a matter of personal morality than slavery is.

Many of the products you use and wear are derived from exploitative conditions, too. Not everyone has to object to the same things as you.

This is absolutely true and indisputable. And we’re all in on it, uncomfortably and undeniably.
However, one person’s penchant for buying too many socks made in Bangladesh isn’t going to result in the risk of children at home accidentally walking in on their parent (who is meant to be the example of all that is nice and safe and peaceful in their young world) watching, with cock on the ready, some tormented looking woman on a screen being sodomised with a gag in her mouth and a dildo up her ass. This shit needs to happen when the kids aren’t home- the bare fucking minimum of responsibility ought to be taken and so often it isn’t.
And anyone who has a problem with that is problematic themselves.
And can I just qualify this by saying when the police arrested my ex husband, they confiscated screens, not his M&S shirt and underwear collection.

@Lavenderfields121 "Many of the products you use and wear are derived from exploitative conditions, too. Not everyone has to object to the same things as you"

And I agree that nobody has to object to she same things as I do- but I would have thought most people would object to people trafficking and sexual exploitation. And I am happy to judge anyone that doesn't. Particularly when it's in connection with something as completely non essential as porn.

This!!!

I'm quite astounded at the number of posters suggesting that having a wank in your own bedroom is an inappropriate place!

Kids should be taught from a young age not to just walk in. We should be able to consider our bedrooms as a private place.

It's ok, and in fact healthy, to have that boundary in place.

Again. The child in this scenario is 3, and the father was having a wank under the duvet. The OP herself didn’t comment on the phone content. I will never understand why people on these threads need to embellish things just to dramatise events. The child walking in would not have understood what he was doing. People need to stop being so overdramatic and to stop projecting.

I have zero problem with my partner wanking whenever he likes and if your issue is him wanking then I think you are unreasonable.

But he would be gone if he was wanking to images of other women while I was in the house (or at all tbh but definitely with me in the house discovering it). He doesn't need to masturbate to images of other women to get off. He can have a wank without using porn.

Lavenderfields121

You disappoint me. I thought you’d ride high on your exploitation argument. I wanted a sock fight with you!

Everyone's skirting around the issue of the exploitative nature of porn, I see. Too difficult. Easier to talk about whether or not the OP and her partner are bad parents because their children don't knock on doors. Or whether a child would be disturbed by coming upon its father wanking.

There are many studies showing that males are more visually stimulated then females though, its not opinion (or judgement)...its just fact!
Also nothing wrong with an orgasm, we are in the middle of a cost of living crisis and they are free entertainment!😆

Thie thread is reminding me of when my brother and I found our parents porn in their wardrobe (on VHS, coz Im old).
I only remember 2 things about it....it was hysterical to watch on fast forward and the bedroom decor was absolutely hideous!😁

@Grammarnut

Ah but now you are saying two very different things.

But I feel that masturbating on your own to phone-porn is a form of infidelity to one's partner.

This is including the porn element. Previously and what I responded to was....

But sex is about bonding the couple, not just about your personal pleasure. So solitary masturbation is suggesting your partner is not satisfying you
Which clearly indicates you think masturbation is bad completely as it suggests your partner is not satisfying you and the masterbation is some sort of reaction to a negative sex life.

So what position do you hold on masterbation?

I had been tempted to bring up a wank sock comment alright

I don't think people are necessarily skirting around the issue. It's that some people are more focused on the attitudes around masterbation.

The OP mentioned several things in her OP and it's quite reasonable that different people choose to comment on different points that were made.

My bemusement is on the apparent negative view surrounding masterbation. Your focus is on porn usage.

Thie thread is reminding me of when my brother and I found our parents porn in their wardrobe (on VHS, coz Im old).
I only remember 2 things about it....it was hysterical to watch on fast forward and the bedroom decor was absolutely hideous

Well, if you added your dad’s dick and cum face to that description, your emoji in your original post would be different, I’m betting. And! Have you seen all the advances they’ve made in porn? My question is sarcastic I feel the need to point out. Your dad’s VHS porn is tame. Porn today? It’s like telling your kids to swap Tom and Jerry for Rick and Morty.

I thought you would! 😆😆😆 I did think dammit Serenity you’re just handing this one to Lavender! What about fetish socks on eBay?! Ever heard of that? That was a thing… maybe it still is! I don’t know why I know about this. 🤢

And you’re right. I do project a lot. I am so aware of this. I’m so angry still about the pain my ex caused. It’s the curse of my injuries I suppose. I can’t help it. Yet. But my edges aren’t as sharp as they were. Time begins to soften the trauma. Anyway, we don’t see eye to eye on this issue at all, Lavender. But that’s ok. That’s what debates are about.

I think the DH could have been more discreet but also DC need to learn to knock before entering bedrooms.
I masturbate every other day (I’m a woman) and if anyone ever told me to do it less I’d tell them to fck the fck off.

You may choose to interpret masturbation that way but it doesn't make it true. In fact I'm more likely to pleasure myself if I'm satisfied with my sex life with my husband and often think of him as I do it. You evidently can't relate to that so see masturbation as a slight on you.

Sex might be about a couple, however masturbation is about the individual and sometimes it's nice to just focus on yourself. A bit like how sharing a bath with DH can be nice, but I also like to have a bath to myself sometimes - they're two different experiences and bathing alone doesn't mean I don't enjoy also sharing a bath with my DH on occasion

There was bdsm porn since porn started.
I have seen porn from 80 that was nothing but "tame".
Not to mention materials like Salo from 1975.

@letsgoooo "
"My bemusement is on the apparent negative view surrounding masterbation. Your focus is on porn usage"
To be honest, if you remove the porn element, I think there have only been about 4 posters who are negative about masturbation. The cool girls are carefully ignoring that fact too.

Yep. Silly you. This whole thread is about speculation and whataboutery. We don’t actually know what he was looking at but suddenly he’s a sex addict with no control and total disrespect for his partner. And his child was nowhere near the bedroom so it’s a complete non-issue.

I thought it was too perfect a bait but couldn’t figure out what your comeback would be 😂
I meant no offence with my comments, and I agree that we just have a different opinion on this matter. Its nice that we could debate this with humour though 😊

"But sex is about bonding the couple, not just about your personal pleasure. So solitary masturbation is suggesting your partner is not satisfying you - and there is also the question of what you are using to make you come: what are you imagining/watching?"

It really isn't.

@Trixiefirecracker "We don’t actually know what he was looking at but suddenly he’s a sex addict with no control and total disrespect for his partner."

But you're speculating that he's watching home made video of himself and the OP. For you he's a devoted family man who has never looked at Pornhub in his life....