AIBU husband w*nking

[FarmerJojo81]

What are people's views on this? I know my husband does it and he says he needs to orgasm daily so if we don't have sex for a few days then I understand he gets frustrated. I turn a blind eye but know it goes on discretely - fine. For context we have had issues with our sex live since DC was born but have been trying to get back on track and this week have been having regular sex. Today I walked into the bedroom and he was having a wank whilst watching something on his phone. I was annoyed as it was morning and I was in the kitchen getting child's breakfast. I came looking for husband to see where he was. Child could have easily walked in. I was livid.

He is now annoyed with me as I "shamed" him and overreacted. I have apologised for storming out but not for being angry and said I don't take responsibility for his actions. He's saying it's all about how I make him feel and connected to our sex life problems.

Nobody 'needs' an orgasm every day.

Masturbation is normal, but doing it when your kids are having breakfast and your help is needed in a room where you kids could open the door at any moment is not.

Not to mention that the porn use is grim.

It sounds like the guy is trying to justify the beginning of a porn addiction that takes priority over everything else. Not good.

Wow, talk about overinterpreting a normal human desire... him wanking is not a message, I mean OP already said that they've had sex 3 times earlier that week including the previous night so it wouldn't even make any sense for him to be signaling that he's not getting enough sex.

You make it sound like he called her up to see him doing it...when clearly he was caught by surprise.

I think you have your own issues around masturbation and you're trying to justify your own shame around it by making it into a bigger political/moral point.

Him not parenting when he should be = an issue

Him watching porn = an issue

Him wanking in bed under the covers = normal human behaviour

Do we actually know he was wanking to porn?!

No he isn’t. 🙄

I feel sick at the thought of it. Your husband is addicted. To porn/wanking/his own pleasure. Very unattractive.

But sex is about bonding the couple, not just about your personal pleasure. So solitary masturbation is suggesting your partner is not satisfying you - and there is also the question of what you are using to make you come: what are you imagining/watching?

@Trixiefirecracker "Do we actually know he was wanking to porn?"

Well, if he was wanking with his phone in the other hand he's unlikely to have been watching Countryfile. Unless he has a spectacularly wholesome kink.....

@Grammarnut "and there is also the question of what you are using to make you come: what are you imagining/watching?"

You can imagine whatever you want. Watching? Not so much.

What if it was a video of him and his wife? Or a picture of his wife? You don’t actually know anything about his personal preferences for getting off.

Sorry but this is beyond bonkers. It’s no such suggestion at all. Maybe this is what men thought in the 1950s, but people still think this nowadays, 2024, really?

@Trixiefirecracker "What if it was a video of him and his wife? Or a picture of his wife? You don’t actually know anything about his personal preferences for getting off."

No I don't. Yep, now you mention it, I'm sure that's what it was. Silly me.

Not sure why thats such a silly suggestion, plenty of people do this

I just find all the hunting for reasons for this man to be entirely justified in his wanking choices deeply depressing.

My husband watched videos of us together

@DontGetMeStartedOnThatAgain

I feel sick at the thought of it. Your husband is addicted. To porn/wanking/his own pleasure. Very unattractive.
Have I missed something? Is there something suggesting he has an addiction?

@Grammarnut

But sex is about bonding the couple, not just about your personal pleasure. So solitary masturbation is suggesting your partner is not satisfying you

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😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣😂
Oh bless your little cotton socks. Are you Hasidic? Or Amish?

I dont think there is anything wrong with somebody having a daily wank...some people are just more highly sexed then others and at least he is sorting himself out and not looking for outside assistance!
Also nothing wrong with using some generic porn...men are just very visually stimulated (and all about the simple things!!LOL). I mean as long as it basic stuff and not weird or illegal.

It is wrong to be doing it when you should be looking after your kids or without locking the door so anybody could walk in.
He should def plan his personal time better!

So solitary masturbation is suggesting your partner is not satisfying you

It doesn't necessarily suggest that.

There is a terrifying percentage of posters on this site who seem to have a very distorted view of sexuality, and to men in general. Porn seems to be particularly triggering for this moral superiority brigade.

No, I am not (and if I was Amish I would not be on here). But I feel that masturbating on your own to phone-porn is a form of infidelity to one's partner. Just as not supporting one's partner over some matter that you are discussing with others is infidelity e.g. slagging down your partner's writing/painting/work to friends, that is infidelity. Lack of faithfulness isn't just about sleeping with someone else.
And sex is about bonding, that's one of its evolutionary purposes, so that in humans, where the young are vulnerable for a very long time, the parents stay together to nurture the children. (The other main evolutionary drive of sexual reproduction is variation.)
The OP is upset her DH was masturbating with porn in their bedroom (?) when she was cooking breakfast. If it's only about pleasuring oneself, and why not, why is she so angry? I don't think it's because he wasn't downstairs parenting.

@Lavenderfields121 "
There is a terrifying percentage of posters on this site who seem to have a very distorted view of sexuality, and to men in general. Porn seems to be particularly triggering for this moral superiority brigade.

There is a terrifying percentage of posters on this site who think that objecting to porn is "moral superiority". And that male sexuality is all about visual stimulation and "needing" orgasms.

@Lavenderfields121 sorry-posted too soon- and that male sexuality is some sort of uncontrollable force that women are duty bound to accommodate. "Poor little souls, they're simple creatures that can't help thinking with their dicks"

Huh? Maybe someone said this. I haven't seen it.

I'm not a man. I couldn't be in a sexless relationship. That doesn't make me some sort of pervert.

Have sex. Don't have sex. I don't care. But you heed to accept that many people, men and woman consider sex an intrinsic part of a relationship and without it the relationship is not a full one for us and we would probably choose to seek a different relationship.

Much like some people would find eating meat a deal breaker. Or personal hygiene. Or shared interests. Or affection.

That doesn't make people pathological

@CurlewKate Nobody has argued that men can’t help themselves. I couldn’t care less if a man has a daily wank. Why would this upset me in any way? It has nothing to do with me. Fine if people object to porn usage but that’s a personal choice. Both masturbation and the use of porn are personal choices and I wouldn’t dream about judging someone for their preferences.

Why are you on a thread about masturbation unless you want to read about the topic?
Or you are just expecting everyone to agree how men who wank are pigs?