I threw water on husband 😭

[Purplegurl]

Hey mums 😭 so, I’m normally a very calm natured person and it’s very unlike me to lash out or ever be violent in any way. However, this morning I was just super tired (as per with a baby) and my husband and I do sometimes have disagreements over who will pick up/soothe baby back to sleep when she gets up in the early hours, but it’s usually very mild and as I’m the breastfeeding parent it’s usually a no brainer 😂 On this occasion, baby had been changed and fed and put back to bed (by me) but didn’t seem to settle so she began to fuss and cry again, so I thought I’d let her perhaps self soothe for a short while…my husband must have been annoyed/frustrated by this and started playing loud music - he was basically trying to play music whilst the baby was crying so that I would get up to stop the baby fussing because the music was blasting in my ear - almost trying to create an analogy that playing music loudly is the same as a baby crying and that once the baby stopped, he would stop - at least I think this was what he was trying to do 🤷🏾‍♀️ so I was asking him to stop and he refused and I could feel the tension building up and I was really starting to get upset, I even tried taking the phone away and slid it under the bed, but he took it and continued the loud music, I then tried to grab the phone but couldn’t prise it out of his hands and at this point I was fuming 😭 in that fit of rage I saw my water bottle and threw the contents onto him 😭😭

I’m disappointed in myself because this is soooo unlike me - honestly, if I told anyone they’d be super shocked 😳 don’t know whether it’s just a combination of tiredness/responsibilities/etc - anyone been through something similar? I’d also like to add that before bursting into a fit of rage, I had also started to play some music (almost in a retaliatory manner) but I quickly realised it was pointless and super loud having two phones blasting out music and disturbing baby so I turned mine off🥺 (his volume was louder anyways) anyways that’s besides the point, I still feel disappointed in myself and immature…

🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

Would you be saying that, if the man threw the water over woman

I'm so sorry to hear that.

Even one-off physical abuse is not acceptable, even if he stops.

@OhBling has hit the nail on the head.
I think if you tick more than a few in their list it’s time to speak to someone and also realise it might be the end of your relationship.
Dormant abuse often flares up during pregnancy or after the birth.

I’ll think I’ll give him time to calm down, I’ve already let it go, I’m even finding the water throwing a bit funny 🙊😂 as long as baby is okay… but my concern is that he won’t let it go - is that a worrying sign ?

Aww, be kind to yourself! He was being a dick. Make time to talk (and listen!) when you're both calm. He should've got up.

I threw a mug of tea at DH once. Very unlike me. He ducked and it hit the kitchen wall and chipped a tile!

What sort of parent/partner is he normally? @Purplegurl

Men and women experience different struggles, a man will never know or understand the pressures women experience in the postpartum period - so our reactions are also different

he 1000% deserved it

😂😂😂not a mug

You're minimising by finding the situation funny. It's not.

And that’s the stupidest comment ever.

Single parehts blablabla are always used as an excuse for men to not step up, to put women down (how dare you not cope?) etc…

A bit of compassion goes a long way. It seems missing in that post altogether.

You sound incredibly young/immature. You assaulted him and are laughing about it/finding it funny.

It sounds like you both need to grow up for the sake of your child. Your poor baby having to grow up in this environment

He’s usually a supportive partner, helpful and reliable. But extremely stubborn

Why?

No, me finding it funny is a sign that I’ve already let it go, I’d rather see it as something we can both laugh about in the future - I don’t want it to become a source of sadness for us both

I can just imagine the responses if a man had thrown water over a woman, whatever the circumstances. I suspect they would be a little different to many of the replies on this thread 🙄

So his nasty controlling tactics worked?

So is the dh.
His actions might have been ‘physical’ but they were just as bad imo.
It was water. Just water. Not something that could have physically hurt him (see previous posts about being choked etc… it’s not the same category)
His actions were meant to hurt and be coercive - to force the OP to get up.

It actually feels closer to a situation where a woman is physically lashing out at her dh after his being abusive towards her. Would you say she is the awful perpetrator or that she is the victim?

Where do people find these hideous, hideous men to procreate with?

Abuse is abuse - it doesn’t have to be extreme to cause harm. There are numerous threads on here demonstrating how different situations can be abusive and how quickly they can escalate. What the OP has described her is neither a clash of personalities or a breach of trust. It’s a partner exhibiting controlling behaviour as a means to an end. That’s abuse.

No, there’s no tactics there

You sound like a lovely person OP. Perhaps quite young?

Having a baby is very very hard. My DP and I were on breaking point at this stage. Bad things were said. Trust was broken.

Sometimes you do need to forgive each other and move on assuming he is usually supportive and kind. Get as much help as you can and take care of yourself. Good luck to you.

I didn’t mean a blip for you, I meant for him! It’s clear you did something unusual for you from your post.

Is he an equal partner? Does he help you day to day? Do you feel supported? Who was meant to be getting up with baby - was it you if he was working? (Nevertheless his behaviour was very childish. If you were clearly struggling to wake a normal person would have asked if you were ok and needed help, not tried to force you out of bed with music instead of their words.)

Its not OK to throw water at someone in anger. In those circumstances either:

1. This is part of a wider pattern of you abusing him - not letting him sleep, getting angry with him and wanting to punish him etc until it escalates to throwing water in bed
2. This is part of a wider pattern of a relationship becoming toxic, the two of you are as bad as each other and winding each other up
3. This is a result of him basically subjecting you to sleep deprivation - not letting you rest when you need to, trying to control how you look after the baby while not contributing himself. Generally selfish behaviour until you snapped. Unless people have experienced what its like to really really need to sleep and have an adult stopping you they won't understand. We are biologically primed to NOT want to take it out on small babies when they keep us awake, plus we know they can't help it. Grown adults doing it on purpose is a different kind of rage inducing

I know which of the three options is most likely to me based on what you said. But in some ways, it doesn't matter when it comes to what you should do. Either way walking away from the relationship is the right thing to do. Because someone is being badly treated within it.

Thank you, this means a lot