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Original poster

I threw water on husband 😭

457 replies

Purplegurl · 11/07/2024 08:47

Hey mums 😭 so, I’m normally a very calm natured person and it’s very unlike me to lash out or ever be violent in any way. However, this morning I was just super tired (as per with a baby) and my husband and I do sometimes have disagreements over who will pick up/soothe baby back to sleep when she gets up in the early hours, but it’s usually very mild and as I’m the breastfeeding parent it’s usually a no brainer 😂 On this occasion, baby had been changed and fed and put back to bed (by me) but didn’t seem to settle so she began to fuss and cry again, so I thought I’d let her perhaps self soothe for a short while…my husband must have been annoyed/frustrated by this and started playing loud music - he was basically trying to play music whilst the baby was crying so that I would get up to stop the baby fussing because the music was blasting in my ear - almost trying to create an analogy that playing music loudly is the same as a baby crying and that once the baby stopped, he would stop - at least I think this was what he was trying to do 🤷🏾‍♀️ so I was asking him to stop and he refused and I could feel the tension building up and I was really starting to get upset, I even tried taking the phone away and slid it under the bed, but he took it and continued the loud music, I then tried to grab the phone but couldn’t prise it out of his hands and at this point I was fuming 😭 in that fit of rage I saw my water bottle and threw the contents onto him 😭😭

I’m disappointed in myself because this is soooo unlike me - honestly, if I told anyone they’d be super shocked 😳 don’t know whether it’s just a combination of tiredness/responsibilities/etc - anyone been through something similar? I’d also like to add that before bursting into a fit of rage, I had also started to play some music (almost in a retaliatory manner) but I quickly realised it was pointless and super loud having two phones blasting out music and disturbing baby so I turned mine off🥺 (his volume was louder anyways) anyways that’s besides the point, I still feel disappointed in myself and immature…

🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

OP posts:
RobinHood19 · 11/07/2024 09:12

Purplegurl · 11/07/2024 09:02

He didn’t react - he just stayed in bed and I went downstairs with my tail between my legs so to speak. Errrgh these comments are making me realise things I never really considered 😭😭 but I know he’s gonna probably hold a grudge 😭

This is abusive and controlling behaviour. I’m sorry OP. Please don’t minimise what he did and keep blaming yourself for never usually behaving in this way - it’s exactly because of your (too?) kind nature that he’ll try to convince you you were the one in the wrong.

OhBling · 11/07/2024 09:12

I suspected.

It's called reactive abuse. He will now use this as another stick to beat you with - "you threw water at me?! You are abusive!"

I would suggest that you think about all the behaviours, perhaps call Womens Aid for advice.

greenandgreener · 11/07/2024 09:14

I think occasionally this kind of things happen when we have a baby and the man is being a manchild. Provided it is a one off then don't beat yourself up - you were at the end of your tether and he was being a dick. Just don't do it again.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
MartyFunkhouser · 11/07/2024 09:15

Both of you need to grow up.

Original poster
Purplegurl · 11/07/2024 09:16

MartyFunkhouser · 11/07/2024 09:15

Both of you need to grow up.

I know 🥺

OP posts:
EveningSpread · 11/07/2024 09:17

What a depressing read. I’m sad for you both OP.

He was being a total dick in a calculated way. You reacted badly but impulsively, so I have more sympathy as people can behave strangely when overtired, and it sounds like you’re probably doing most of the donkey work.

But ultimately this sounds like a horrible dynamic between you two - you don’t have each other’s
back. You say you respect him - I don’t know why unless this is a majorly out of character blip and he’s normally kind, helpfully and supportive. Sounds a bit like he thinks you’re a slave he can manipulate or order about.

Jakethekid · 11/07/2024 09:17

This is why I asked if you are scared of him. He isn't sorry for what he's done and yet you are. He seems very controlling of the situation and your emotions. It's abusive. So over time it builds up and you react and now you are painted as doing the wrong thing.

He's being controlling. You reacted. It's not the norm for you otherwise you wouldn't be here. Stop carrying the guilt and try to start seeeing him the way he fully is. I wish you all the best

Ottervision · 11/07/2024 09:19

Honestly I would leave over him behaving like that. Did he want the baby? Does he show any affection at all towards the baby? I'm sorry but thinking that playing music to make you tend to the baby when he'd done sweet fuck all makes me think he hates both of you. I'd be out of there like a shot.

shiverm · 11/07/2024 09:20

It's really not that bad what you did??! You didn't hurt him? You non violently shocked him into acting more reasonably? Seems like a good outcome to a serious and tense moment.
I once (on hormonal medication) was so absolutely consumed with frustrated anger that I ripped apart my new trousers (the focus of the argument).... while wearing them!!!!!! Ripped open the side of my hand in the process. (New trousers, he pretended to like them in front of a mutual friend, then refused to go for a walk with me while I was wearing them because he really didn't like them.)

All in all, throwing water in frustration/anger to me is more comical than serious. Blasting music while a sleep deprived mother and child are meant to be resting is way way more serious.

Original poster
Purplegurl · 11/07/2024 09:20

EveningSpread · 11/07/2024 09:17

What a depressing read. I’m sad for you both OP.

He was being a total dick in a calculated way. You reacted badly but impulsively, so I have more sympathy as people can behave strangely when overtired, and it sounds like you’re probably doing most of the donkey work.

But ultimately this sounds like a horrible dynamic between you two - you don’t have each other’s
back. You say you respect him - I don’t know why unless this is a majorly out of character blip and he’s normally kind, helpfully and supportive. Sounds a bit like he thinks you’re a slave he can manipulate or order about.

It’s very out of character! I’m still shocked by it - it can’t just be the sleep deprivation/tired otherwise I would have been doing it frequently, maybe I’m annoyed about other things and it came out in this way 🤧

OP posts:
OhshutupTrevor · 11/07/2024 09:22

I disagree on the grow up thing. I think he acted like a cunt in these circumstances and throwing water at him out of sheer frustration and sleep deprivation is something I would probably do. The hard cold fact is he doesn't respect you and he doesn't seem to care. I would be having a long think about my future with him given what you have subsequently posted.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/07/2024 09:22

You need to get yourself and your baby away from this man immediately and permanently. You can't allow your baby to grow up in this abusive environment.

Noseybookworm · 11/07/2024 09:22

Honestly, you're both being ridiculous 🙄 you have a baby to look after. Stop behaving like stroppy teenagers and grow up. If you feel that he's not helping enough with the night time wakings, have a conversation with him and sort it out. In reality, if you are feeding baby yourself, you're going to be the one to bear the brunt of it. But he could have the baby at other times so you can nap and catch up on some sleep.

Sunnydiary · 11/07/2024 09:22

He sounds horrible

Luxell934 · 11/07/2024 09:23

Sounds like you both need to grow the fuck up really. The baby was just left to cry whilst you had a fight? You both need to do better.

Your husband sounds awful doing that with his phone, no excusing that, but I’m assuming he had to be up for work the next day?

OhBling · 11/07/2024 09:23

Also OP, women who land up in a situation where they are reactivey abusive, find it even harder to get out or to seek support because ther ewill be so many people saying things like, "you're as bad as each other" and "the relationship is toxic".

Women in these relationships are also, by nature, the type who take responsibility for other people's actions and emotions so it becomes very easy for these women to accept the blame and ignore the actions of the original abuser. I can see you dong this on this thread by the way you are mostly responding to people who have told you that your behaviour isn't okay.

Abusers also use reactive abuse as a way to further drive wedges between their victim and their victim's support network - "see what I have to put up with?". I'd be shocked if he didn't say to your parents or friends, next time you see them something like, "she has such a temper on her - you have no idea. She threw a bottle of water over me the other day".

I am actually quite scared for you.

Original poster
Purplegurl · 11/07/2024 09:24

Luxell934 · 11/07/2024 09:23

Sounds like you both need to grow the fuck up really. The baby was just left to cry whilst you had a fight? You both need to do better.

Your husband sounds awful doing that with his phone, no excusing that, but I’m assuming he had to be up for work the next day?

Well, he does work night shifts, so I’m trying to empathise that he’s also dealing with his own levels of tiredness, so I think the combination just creates a bit of a clash of “who’s more tired”

OP posts:
iknke45 · 11/07/2024 09:26

He deserved it. Don't feel guilty. He can give YOU a break and understand YOU were upset and tired.

MimitteAndElsaGoToSwitzerland · 11/07/2024 09:26

Has he done anything like this before?

HaveAWordWithYerselfWouldYa · 11/07/2024 09:26

OhBling · 11/07/2024 09:23

Also OP, women who land up in a situation where they are reactivey abusive, find it even harder to get out or to seek support because ther ewill be so many people saying things like, "you're as bad as each other" and "the relationship is toxic".

Women in these relationships are also, by nature, the type who take responsibility for other people's actions and emotions so it becomes very easy for these women to accept the blame and ignore the actions of the original abuser. I can see you dong this on this thread by the way you are mostly responding to people who have told you that your behaviour isn't okay.

Abusers also use reactive abuse as a way to further drive wedges between their victim and their victim's support network - "see what I have to put up with?". I'd be shocked if he didn't say to your parents or friends, next time you see them something like, "she has such a temper on her - you have no idea. She threw a bottle of water over me the other day".

I am actually quite scared for you.

excellent post @OhBling

I hope the "you are as bad as each other" posters read and think about what you have written.

Original poster
Purplegurl · 11/07/2024 09:28

MimitteAndElsaGoToSwitzerland · 11/07/2024 09:26

Has he done anything like this before?

not really, I mean, I can’t even remember tbh 🤧

OP posts:
Ottervision · 11/07/2024 09:29

Noseybookworm · 11/07/2024 09:22

Honestly, you're both being ridiculous 🙄 you have a baby to look after. Stop behaving like stroppy teenagers and grow up. If you feel that he's not helping enough with the night time wakings, have a conversation with him and sort it out. In reality, if you are feeding baby yourself, you're going to be the one to bear the brunt of it. But he could have the baby at other times so you can nap and catch up on some sleep.

Haha yeah I'm sure having a conversation with an arsehole like that is going to work. I'm sure op telling him to help out is going to make all the change.

iknke45 · 11/07/2024 09:30

Aquamarine1029 · 11/07/2024 09:22

You need to get yourself and your baby away from this man immediately and permanently. You can't allow your baby to grow up in this abusive environment.

Oh come on, you've never had an argument with your DP while you're both feeling sleep deprived. It brings out the worst in both of you, and hopefully pass when baby's older.

Ottervision · 11/07/2024 09:30

Luxell934 · 11/07/2024 09:23

Sounds like you both need to grow the fuck up really. The baby was just left to cry whilst you had a fight? You both need to do better.

Your husband sounds awful doing that with his phone, no excusing that, but I’m assuming he had to be up for work the next day?

Oh yeah him needing to be up for work is an excellent excuse for playing loud music instead of picking up the baby. Because no woman ever has has to go to work after a night up with the baby.

Lavenderfields121 · 11/07/2024 09:31

This is incredible. 2 tired and stressed out parents have a tiff and everyone jumps to abuse conclusions immediately.
OP, talk to him when you feel calmer. You were both unreasonable and need to acknowledge this to one another to move on and work out a compromise.
And lastly: don’t feel bad. Nobody was injured a d you just acted like stroppy teens 😊