Do these men even exist?!

[Killermanjaro]

Are there really men out there that have a job and do 50% of the housework/ chores / child rearing / cooking / 50% of the nappies, night feeds, playtime, walks in parks, bedtime reading etc, and at the same time are respectful, kind and loving to their partners and appreciate them and treat them as an individual with their own needs and desires?

I have never seen these men, they aren't in my friendship circle or at work or in my family. Definitely not my DH.

Replace the word men with women and replace 50% with a figure between 60-100% and I will find these women everywhere. These women are my friends, my family, my coworkers. I am one of these women 😔

If you have one of these mythical creatures, where the fuck did you find them?! (And do they have a brother?! 😆)

I have one of these!

Mine does.

He actually did more night feeds than me with second baby- he stayed in the room w baby as every gurgle or cough and I would wake up (and stay awake for hours!).
Husband could filter out the noisy baby grumbles and sleep deeply, I couldn't. So I slept in a separate room. Or we'd take it in turns, but mainly he did it!
We're also 50/50 on childcare (I drop off on school run, he collects).
We're pretty equal on everything. Currently, I'm the breadwinner but that might change in 5/10 years and I put more in our joint account.

Altho on reflection, I am the ONLY one in our house who notices when we need to
Wash the bedding. That's annoying actually, that one 😂

I have one, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He does 50% of everything, is so kind and thoughtful to me and our children and is the only earner as I’m at home with the children and have been through choice for four years. Nearly ten years on and I’m still grateful for him every day 😂

@Thewildthingsarewithme Does he have a young brother? Asking for a friend.

Yes, they exist. I found mine almost 40 years ago. Most of the men I know are like that, but I have a Christian circle of friends. My father was the same. My son is the same. I only have one friend who would ever put up with disrespect from her husband. She's married to a verbally abusive twat, but even he has started to attend a Christian men's group, so maybe they can turn him around.

@cassiatwenty only a sister unfortunately 😂

My husband, although he definitely does more than 50% of the housework and nappies!

Saramiah that's a lovely reply. He sounds like a honey.

I think that it’s something that will change and get better with each generation

I read about a nappy statistic a while ago- I can’t remember exactly, but something like 50 years ago 40% or dads had never changed a nappy . Now it’s only 3 %

we can hope , that in general our children will be better at sharing the load .

my dh is far from perfect, but then again so am I.

he does his fair share of taxing the kids to out of school clubs , and I would say does one job a day - ie wash up or make tea .

he does also work double the hours that I do - I would probably be all on just washing up If my work day was twice as long .

I don’t think my dh is a mythical man lol but I do think he hasn’t done so bad in the the last 20 years and that it could be a lot worse- if my son grew up to be like him I wouldn’t be disappointed

My husband and I share everything and have about the same amount of 'down ' time . He does was more laundry though I do more cleaning.
We have 5 teens and I think having a large family meant that we both always had to do everything as there was so much to be done .
I could not be with someone who did not see me as an equal .
Now that the kids are teens I expect them to do a lot also .
My husband is handsome and funny too ! Was SO lucky to meet him as I had a dad who was never there ....

Yes, as others have said we met young. It has always been 50:50 he is naturally neater and tidier than me. He does all DIY/ house maintenance, I do the food shopping, most school admin and holiday planning. Cooking and childcare is 50:50 , I used to work weekends and nights so DH had no choice !

Yes should say he also enjoys my company ( I think) and respects me. I tell people we don't have a 1950's marriage, we have a 1450 one.

I think without exception. All the men in my family and friendship circle are like this. Where are you finding dick heads

Interestingly ( or not) DH and his two brothers are like this when their father was the complete opposite- MIL would rush home at 4.30 from a day out to cook his pie!!!
I think the difference is MiL was a doormat and the brothers have all married women that would not take that shit ( not that they would try as they’re all decent men.)

So in other words, there are men like this, but they are all married.

So no, there are no men like this in the wild!

Just don’t settle for a twat- simple as that! You get to choose you know!

Do some women not enjoy this though?

They do exist. I am lucky with dh and I found him on match nearly ten years ago. He regularly gets up with our 5 year old at 5:30 or whatever and insists I lie in. Does absolutely everything and anything with / for the kids, adores them and me. Is a real stickler for cleaning and is forever hoovering and cleaning the windows, or gardening. On top of all that he works very hard in his job as a full time paramedic- does night shifts, you name it and never complains. Tells me I'm beautiful. He is very special and one of those 'can't sit still, must be productive' types.

That’s quite a reach from what I said.

Db, dbil and other bil too!! All too by the book for me if I’m honest- I like the theory of ‘how about we all get this fixed right now’ as each thing in life arises, but it gets a bit headachy, and they’re all quite stressed, but then when I think of the women I know in that camp, they are too!!! (From a more chaotic family that are always running to catch up). I don’t think I know a happy medium

Dh meets most of these, but again was a geeky, shy thing who most women didn't look twice at. But I spelled out what I wanted each time life changed, that I wasn't giving up work or doing all the children and house work. So he grew with me rather than growing apart after child and career developments.

I do have one, I am exceptionally lucky
He was an only child though, so no help there

I think the difference is MiL was a doormat and the brothers have all married women that would not take that shit ( not that they would try as they’re all decent men.)
I think the word doormat is one of the worst insults out there, it’s awful, just because someone operates a different way to you. It’s like the word ‘people pleaser’- horrible

Yes, my BIL is like this! Has done 50-50 with their DC from birth, including the night wakes. Has the children 50-50 around each others work schedules. Does all the cooking. Most of the household chores. Was married but now divorcing, so there’s still some that are single!