Could dd children be taken away

[Ffs2077]

I'm going to try and keep it in a nut shell.

Dd has had long term involvement from social services. It was triggered by DV. It was for around 3.5 years . It went from PLO to child protection. And they closed the case about 5 ish months ago.

There was a dv issue with her current ex . There was a merlin report . Social services made contact told dd she done the right thing etc. He was on bail until 1st July. But have not heard anything dd told me that a social worker has been working with her current ex they are going put things in place to manage his anger and mental health issues . And sw said she can see he wants to put things right and help himself and he realises what he done was wrong. (I don't believe that)

Last I knew Gs school attendance was 66%
School said they were going to have a meeting but when dd approached them on Monday. They said keep bring him in and we will see how it gos so meeting never happened..

But this morning dd has told me she's in so much pain in her chest she can barely move. She's had a heavy cough/cold so think that's why . She took pain killers. Around 8.15 she tells me pain is easing . I tell her I will pay for an uber hoping to get GS into school not to much later than he should be. But yet at 9.50 she's still not orded .

School have told me that because she has recent social services services involvement . GS can end uo on a CP plan pretty fast. Because of his attendance.

Incase realivent dd has: emotional unstable personality disorder, Ptsd, and bipolar.

I'm absolutely worried sick that her kids could be taken.

In the nicest possible way you seem more concerned about this than your DD.

And of course they can remove a child.

I would suggest a firm talk with daughter about the reality of what may happen if she doesn’t get her ass in gear and put her children’s education and well being first. Stop pussyfooting around her and being gentle.

Some times I can't work out if she truly gets it. Or if I'm overly paranoid. I have stated distancing myself mentally and emotionally because its fucking me up. There's only so much I can do .

Think of your grandchildren, and their needs. Horrid situation for you though.

Would there be a possibility of you offering to care for your grandchild/ren for a period to enable her to get herself together? You could then ensure school attendance and your daughter may feel able to focus on getting herself in a better place.

I basically have . I think that she just thinks I'm over paranoid and over think things. She will also liar /trist what's been said. I then start thinking there is no point in this conversation if your Just going to lie. I then back off thinking I can't be fuckef with your BS.

Focus on what you can do for the kids if she’s not listening to you. They’re the victims in this situation. If you are able to, have them for sleepovers, pick them up from school when you can and shower them with love and safety.

It’s entirely up to the judge, love. But a cold isn’t an excuse.

Presumably the authorities will try and give you the kids first, unless you’re assessed as unfit.

Are you local? Would you be able to have him if it came to it?

I don't think that would work. I think it would enable her. dd gets a hell of alot of support from me. Way much more them most other mums would get. I will support her best I can. But she also needs to help herself.

Yes 100% . But I don't want it to come to that. In a nut shell for now all she's got to do is get her child to school. Yes there are other things but this is quite a big one . Ahd it's a start if she does that.

But she's not doing it and it's your grandson who will suffer the results.

I agree that's why I said she needs to be doing it.

Try to look at the overall situation—is it improving steadily, is this just a small setback or a real dlip backwards? Is she progressing or decompensating?

I would stop interfering at this point in any event. You are not protecting the children so much as you are delaying the inevitable because she won’t parent reliably.

Sorry I'm not sure what you mean?

You sound like you are seesawing between helping her and not helping her. This is partially due to annoyance and burnout as she is not progressing towards stabilization, independence, and reliable parenting as fast or as steadily as you would like. But it sounds like she has made some changes? In a relatively short time? So my question to you is meant to make you review her progress and decide whether it makes sense to keep supporting her (which is a form of enabling) or whether it makes more sense to step back and let her fail the metrics SS have set for the protection of the children.

This situation as a whole has been going on for 4 years . It's not about how fast I would like it to he. But there comes a time when basic thongs need to happen.

I did speak to the school and I said I could pick GS up and take him to school. But i would have to go back on myself. I don't drive. So it's not so easy when using public transport. The head master said to me she's an adult and needs to start doing things for herself.

I’m assuming here that you don’t work. You are focussing on the wrong thing. The only person that matters here is the child. If you could pay for an Uber to get him to school, you could presumably pay for one for yourself to go pick him up and take him.
66% attendance is absolutely shocking. That means that this school year he has missed almost half his education.

Maybe she needs the shit to hit the fan to realise. It seems as if she is minimising the importance of her role as parent.

She has been dealt a tough hand, but it comes a point where she needs to put her child first.

It isn't a sustainable solution for you to pay Ubers etc, but I understand you want to avoid any further harm to GC.

In these situations, social services are more likely to place child with a family member before a foster family, so I'd just continue to engage well with SS and the school and try to offer any direct support to GC that you are able. If you need to step back from directly supporting DD then that is understandable.

Sorry, but it's your GS who is suffering here. My lovely neighbour has had a similar situation with a DD who is just beyond help( drugs, DV & now MH issues). She had a very stable, loving, middle-class upbringing & is very bright. My lovely neighbour just doesn't understand where it all went wrong. It's beyond me too. I work with young people & can see clearly where their trauma cones from through ACES & poverty, but none of this was present in this case.

Neighbour took guardianship of the eldest (15) 10 years ago, & now has guardianship of the younger 2 (5 &6) for the past 2 years. It's not how she envisioned her life at 60, but she's given up work & is concerned only for the children. They won't come out unscathed, but they're in a much better place.

Think about it, OP. I know it's huge to take GS, but think about it seriously.

I’d be very worried also about what she’s saying about the ex. Sounds like she’s planning to get back with him and softening the ground.

to be honest it maybe better the kids are removed.

What is the reason for the child's poor attendance? Is it because his mother doesn't take him,?

I agree with everyone else - to try and focus on your GC.

Their chances in life are being eroded day after day that they aren't in school. Their social development is being impeded. The sense of safety they may get from the same routines day in, day out. It's not just academics.

You would be an obvious choice (I would think) for taking over care of the children if it did ramp up with SS.

What do you think might happen if you dropped GC off at school each day - would your daughter be able to get it together to pick them up? Even if it's inconvenient on public transport, this would be supporting your GC in one of the most important ways possible. I would try and prioritise that if you can.

All I’m reading here is that your grandchild is the one suffering and whilst you are saying you are concerned you seem to be more worried about ‘making’ your daughter do the right thing . Someone needs to be intervening and ensuring that your grandchild’s needs are properly met starting with getting into school everyday .