Could dd children be taken away

[Ffs2077]

I'm going to try and keep it in a nut shell.

Dd has had long term involvement from social services. It was triggered by DV. It was for around 3.5 years . It went from PLO to child protection. And they closed the case about 5 ish months ago.

There was a dv issue with her current ex . There was a merlin report . Social services made contact told dd she done the right thing etc. He was on bail until 1st July. But have not heard anything dd told me that a social worker has been working with her current ex they are going put things in place to manage his anger and mental health issues . And sw said she can see he wants to put things right and help himself and he realises what he done was wrong. (I don't believe that)

Last I knew Gs school attendance was 66%
School said they were going to have a meeting but when dd approached them on Monday. They said keep bring him in and we will see how it gos so meeting never happened..

But this morning dd has told me she's in so much pain in her chest she can barely move. She's had a heavy cough/cold so think that's why . She took pain killers. Around 8.15 she tells me pain is easing . I tell her I will pay for an uber hoping to get GS into school not to much later than he should be. But yet at 9.50 she's still not orded .

School have told me that because she has recent social services services involvement . GS can end uo on a CP plan pretty fast. Because of his attendance.

Incase realivent dd has: emotional unstable personality disorder, Ptsd, and bipolar.

I'm absolutely worried sick that her kids could be taken.

No I don't work. But I have my own children to get to school. And I wanted her to do something for herself. Instead of me doing it for her. I put something in place to make it easier for her all she had to do was go down the stairs and get into a car

If SS ramped up, would you have your GS? You wouldn’t have a choice but to take him to school then. Think of it like that. The more you can do to help now, the better.

But she isn't doing it or maybe isn't well enough mentally to do it.

Something is going to have to change and someone will have to step in, whether it's yourself or social services.

What mental health support is your dd getting? Has she got DBT support? A physiatrist? A support worker? Womens aid?

I think ultimately yes social services will look to act in the best interests of your GS but they should also be working to promote your dds health and wellbeing to enable her to meet your GS needs better so they can stay together. They'll also look at kinship care as a first option. I would suggest your dd requests family conferencing if you haven't already so dd, her professionals and the other people in her life like you can sit down and agree exactly what support each person can offer. It might help give a bit of structure. Things like the school run could be looked at and some education authorities will offer a taxi service for vulnerable families which she should fall under meaning a block booking could be made for the same time every week.

I understand her lying is very frustrating but it can be a trait of EUPD which can make navigating relationships really difficult. She may not mean it to come across as manipulative and hurtful as it likely does and it's important that she gets appropriate therapy to help her manage that. Her mental health diagnoses are complex and this isn't going to be a quick fix for her. Is there any other family nearby who can help? Other mums she's friends with who could carpool?

If the social worker is genuinely thinking the ex is turning himself around it would be important that she has womans aid on side to advocate for her. I have seen this happen where professionals have been manipulated by dv perpetrators and anger and mental health can exacerbate dv but they don't cause it.

It's a really difficult situation because as a Mother you want to help DD but I think you need to step back from your DD emotionally and practically
As she has EUPD, she will be manipulative and( I have experience) SS are quick to step in when MH is a factor is the welfare of your GS
I'm sure DD has been told many times what she has to do to ensure her DS is safe well and his needs are met.
The shit WILL hit the fan, and she may or may not step up.
After 4 years, SS will doubt she can and their focus will rightfully be on your GS

Then he would be living with me and going to the same school as my kids. ( they already go to the same school) I can't keep doing everything for her though. If I do she has no reason to start doing things as she should.

How many children does she have and how old are they?

From your post you mainly seemed concerned that SS would get involved because of your GS attendance.

However, if she can't sort herself out to take 1 child to school, then what care is she actually giving all her children? I only say this because if she cant herself and her children up and dressed in the morning, I highly doubt that she can fully give her all to them.

The headteacher is right, your DD is an adult and a parent, she needs to sort things out for herself.

You either continue enabling her so that your GC have some stability or care, or you stop and let SS get involved again, where she will have to make a choice to prioritise them.

Why is your GS's attendance only 66%. Barring ongoing major health issues or huge school based anxiety, there is NO reason why a child's attendance should be that low.

If your dd is known to be getting back together with her violent ex partner, combined with the fact that she is already neglecting her child's needs, then it is highly likely that school/social workers will look for a section 47 (Child Protection).

I know you said you’d be going back on yourself to pick him up on the bus, but if he old enough to jump on it at his stop and meet you at yours when you get on?

But it’s not about doing everything for your daughter though is it? It’s about what is ultimately best for your grandson. Your daughter isn’t doing the bare minimum she is required to do so he is already suffering. Do you really want him to not have an education?

I think you are getting a hard time on here OP. Yes of course the primary concern here is GS, but it sounds like he has support in place and the right people involved with him atm. It seems you are in a very difficult situation here but I don't think you should be expected to step up in this situation / nor feel guilty for not doing more. It sounds like she needs a kick up the arse and start focusing on her son rather than the deadbeat blokes she gets involved with.
Ps - SS do not just remove children from the family home in circumstances like this. They will put things in place to help your daughter and GS,she just needs to work with them.

Could another parent take him to to school and you collect him?

Thank you so much . That's what's so hard o don't fully understand dds mental health issues I try my best but I don't (fully) understand. I do get it would be more complex . But I find it so hard when she says she's so ill she can't get gs to school the next thing she's pissing about on social media. And that's litterly within 20 mins of telling me.

I know she's just finished 10 session of therapy that she was given due to her mental health. That's finished now. I have been told about the lying and EUPD. But then how do you separate the truth from the untruth. There's no point telling her I know she's lying because she will fight it and there's just no point. But it's when it effects GS and could risk her kids being taken.

My brain has died 😭 but I'm trying to say I agree with what your saying.

I had a feeling you were going to say you had your own, younger kids to look after.

Are they around the same age as your grandson?

I think the crux of it is that your daughter is an unfit parent and it's in your grandsons best interests to be removed.

So he will either be put under your care, or taken into foster care.

You say you already give your daughter a huge amount of support. What support do you give her, and can you change this so that you are supporting your grandchild instead?

66% is awful. I get you not wanting to enable her but you are doing school runs to the very same school. Surely you can get him there. Pick another lesson to teach her that doesn't have such a terrible impact of poor gs

OP if you’re who I think you are your daughter also has a baby I think? And there were concerns about his development. Regardless I think overall your daughter needs a lot more help with her children than she’s currently getting and you have enough on your plate with your own children. She needs to realise how serious this is and she can’t just not bring him to school because she doesn’t feel like it. Maybe more involvement from social work could be a good thing?

That definitely makes alot of sense. Thank you .

I did just think it might be good for dd to looked up EUPD and the manipulation side of it. So shes more awear. But then she would manage to use that to.

I think possibly sge needs the meeting with professional to sit down. Put the cards on the table and say this is how it is .

Social services will expect your daughter to engage with services if she’s on a CP plan. If she doesn’t then eventually some harsh actions might need to be taken. As others have said, the child is the number one priority and his school attendance is very poor. How well cared for is he at home? There might be other signs of neglect.
question for you, how comfortable would you feel if he’s placed in foster care, potentially some distance from home and needs to move schools?

At the moment, you seem to be focusing on trying to keep your DD and her children together, regardless of whether she's capable of parenting them or not.

If she can't get her kids to school (66% is a shocking attendance rate) without other people stepping in to do it for her, and puts them in a position where they're exposed to domestic violence over a number of years and (if I'd understood your post correctly) from more than one partner, then it probably isn't in the kids' best interests to stay with her. I know that sounds blunt, but I suspect the kids would be better off somewhere else.

Also, if she lies to you as you say she does, I guarantee you that the problems you know about are the tip of the iceberg. I'm guessing she's a neglectful or incapable parent in other ways too.

If Social Services did decide that that the children should be cared for elsewhere, they would typically try to place them with a close relative first of all if that was considered safe, so I suspect you would be their first port of call if it was feasible.

How hard for you. You sound like a lovely mum and grandmother. As far as I understand it, if the children can’t be cared for by their mum, there is no guarantee they will be allowed to live with you. All you can do is try and give yourself boundaries so that you can continue supporting the way you have,

Ok. You can't do anything about your DD. You can't persuade her to behave differently, or teach her to behave differently. You can't trust what she says and can't teach her to be truthful.

I'm trying to say stop trying to learn about her, mother her, cover for her, coach her. Stop worrying about her. She's making her own choices, and they are poor ones.

So let that go. Stop wondering about it, stop supporting her, let it go.

Focus on your grandson. What can you do to help him?

Anything from having him stay Monday to Friday to do school, or organise transport for him, or have him stay every weekend so you can work with him.

Whatever you do, he has to want to.
If you can find a way, you may be able to keep him out of care.

Are there other relatives? His dad's family?

can you order a taxi to pick him up every morning to make sure he get to school?

It is none of the headmasters business what your daughter should do. They rightfully have a concern about your grandsons attendance, but they have to right to say what your daughter should do!

I feel for you OP, it sounds very difficult and I can see that you want your daughter to step up but unfortunately she either isn’t capabale or doesn’t want to do so. The child’s welfare is paramount here and I think I would be looking at him coming to live with you as your dd have shown consistently that she isn’t able to parent him. In the future things may change but right now that is what I would be considering for the sake of the little one.

How old is he? What is he doing all day?