Could dd children be taken away

[Ffs2077]

I'm going to try and keep it in a nut shell.

Dd has had long term involvement from social services. It was triggered by DV. It was for around 3.5 years . It went from PLO to child protection. And they closed the case about 5 ish months ago.

There was a dv issue with her current ex . There was a merlin report . Social services made contact told dd she done the right thing etc. He was on bail until 1st July. But have not heard anything dd told me that a social worker has been working with her current ex they are going put things in place to manage his anger and mental health issues . And sw said she can see he wants to put things right and help himself and he realises what he done was wrong. (I don't believe that)

Last I knew Gs school attendance was 66%
School said they were going to have a meeting but when dd approached them on Monday. They said keep bring him in and we will see how it gos so meeting never happened..

But this morning dd has told me she's in so much pain in her chest she can barely move. She's had a heavy cough/cold so think that's why . She took pain killers. Around 8.15 she tells me pain is easing . I tell her I will pay for an uber hoping to get GS into school not to much later than he should be. But yet at 9.50 she's still not orded .

School have told me that because she has recent social services services involvement . GS can end uo on a CP plan pretty fast. Because of his attendance.

Incase realivent dd has: emotional unstable personality disorder, Ptsd, and bipolar.

I'm absolutely worried sick that her kids could be taken.

It doesn't sound like DD is a bad person, but at the moment, she isn't either willing or able to be a good mum. It sounds like her own needs at the moment are overriding the needs of her children.

SS might well take the children because DD can't meet their needs and to be honest it doesn't sound like she's really pushing herself to do so.

If the children are taken off DD, the first person they will ask to take them is you, as a relative and someone who is close to the children. Are you prepared for that and do you know what your response will be?

She could have got him to school with a chest pain.

You have to face it, she's not a good mother.

I understand why you name change and I don’t want to drag things up for you, but it does impact the advice you get. You have a lot of well meaning posters here saying you need to step in when you’ve enough going on as is and I don’t think adding another two children to that would be the solution for any of you.

Amen to that!!

I think you'll get lots of harsh words here and lots of "SS should take them away", but I have a situation in my family where a sibling is unable to care for her children due to similar circumstances.

If they have a safe and stable figure to look after them, SS will not get anywhere near taking them away. But essentially, that is still taking them away from the mother.

It is a huge ask though. Sibling's DC are now in the care of the father for one of them, and our mum for the older one. It's not easy and it's a very difficult thing to manage relationships. But even without legal guardianship, SS are satisfied with the arrangement.

I am not privvy to whether the plans like CP or CIN have been created, but I imagine they are as par for the course of having SW involvement.

Sorry, I'm not sure what else you have going on in your life which may mean it's not possible for you to care for the children.

It sounds like they need extensive support, that's not your fault. 66% attendance is very low though and it sounds like it is more due to your DD not being willing or able to take them to school, rather than it being because the DC cannot or won't go to school.

I just spoke to safe guarding/attendance

I said alone the lines of . You know there was going to be a meeting . And it was called of to give dd a chance over the next week or so... she said yes ... I then said to her do you think a meeting may be a good idea before the end of term. So that dd knows exactly what's expected. Where everyone stands etc. And so September can be a clean slate. She said yes. And she's going to sort a date out with the head.

That's a good start. Well done.

How involved are you going to be over the summer holidays?

Can GS not live with you?

Well done, a great start OP.

Still see them . At least few times a week . Mix of sleep overs , days out . More flexible

But, the real point is that she is NOT doing it. It comes across that you want her to fail. Like the PP said, your GS will be the one to pay the consequences, but hey, you'll show your DD that she should have done this, that and the other.

SMDH

I may have missed something but I don’t understand why your grandson hasn’t been formally identified as a Child in Need. It’s usually the step following support intervention and before child protection/safeguarding. A child in need is defined under the children act as being unlikely to achieve or maintain a reasonable level of health or development …. Without the provision of services (or a child who is disabled

66% attendance is neglect and unlikely to be the only element of neglect in his life. The sw team should or will have assessed this. Why isn’t a taxi being provided to support school attendance while work with his mother takes place. Her mh diagnosis is a red flag
I’m sorry you’re in this tough place OP

That may be the best thing. While you're worrying about your DD, your GS is missing out on school. That, he won't get back.

How old are her other children and how is she doing caring for them?

Maybe it would be for the best if she did lose them for a while. Then she would need to learn to do what needs to be done if she wanted them back into her care.

Well done for arranging a meeting
It's important that everyone involved with your GS is made aware of his situation.

Somebody has to intervene or this little lad won't stand a chance. Although it's not fair to anyone, least of all to him, it may mean that he needs to live somewhere else (with you or a foster carer) since his mother has shown she can't properly care for him.

PPs have mentioned that your daughter has another child as well. Is that child older or younger than your DGS? Are there any concerns for his/her wellbeing?

of course the headmaster should have an opinion on what the mother should do if they think a child is desperately in need off help.. We task our teachers to keep an eye on children that are being neglected or mistreated because often they have nobody else looking out for them.

I'm not sure about UK but I think In US teachers have a legal duty to report such things.

Absolutely. I cannot quite work out how many grandchildren are in this situation but either way, their needs are not being met within this family situation. There are inter generational issues going on.

Let ne explain something. We all know I post alot about My family situation. That's because I have no one in real life to talk to. And I mean no one .

You think you know me But im telling you that you do not. Due to dd social services and other professionals know us well . Do you honestly not think social services have not looked into all my back ground fully . Do you honestly think if there were concerns regarding myself that safety plans would involve myself.

Sadly on mn some think they know things when they don't. They also pick bits out and twist them. They post things as if they are facts . They add little bits to change the story then it carry on and on. I have absolutely no idea why people do it. I think I'm.an easy target and people get a kick out of it and I'm seen almost as a form of entertainment for some and they get a kick out of it.

I don't normally point this stuff out . I normally ignore it because I know no matter what I say someone will come along and twist what I have said in order to give themselves permission to have a dig.

I may just hide the thread. Because I don't need to take the shit when I'm already dealing with shit . All i will say is i hope one day a few posters will reflect on how they have been towards me and others in similar situations and maybe approach things in a better way .

I made 2 comments which are factual and you have reacted

1. needs are not being met - social care is involved (they don’t become involved in homes where children’s needs are being met) and this has 66% attendance because mum is too unwell to take child to school.
2. there are inter generational issues - you post a lot about your life. This is simply a fact. You are not a grandparent who could “easily” take on the care of other children because you have your own children too. In my family, for example, my parents are both fit and healthy working adults who could - and would - take on the full time care of a grandchild because they have no other caring responsibilities. You cannot do that. Your situation means you could not assume care of your daughters DC.

Factual 🤣🤣🤣

As I said you think you know you don't.

Again, what have I said that’s wrong?
If social care are wrong and the child is going to school, then why did you say he’s not?
If you have no other caring responsibilities (for your own under 18s) then why don’t you have care of the grandchildren?

I really do feel for you @Ffs2077 but you can't ask for advice and input and then be upset at people doing that. People can only advise based on the information you provide.

Also a young child being exposed to domestic violence, living with a mentally ill mother and not having his educational needs met is an emotive topic, we are all mums, it is upsetting to think of. You're going to get people responding based on how that makes them feel. It is not a nice start in life.

You need to concentrate more on those bairns than your daughter OP. What is in their best interests?