I walked out of the house today with no tea for the kids.

[Ahshsb]

I feel so so fed up. I have 3dc, 2 of which are teen. They are becoming so hard work, never listen to me, go mad if I try to set boundaries etc. I get that they are at that age but they are so demanding and rude and I am the default parent for everything.

I work full time and do all the cooking, most of cleaning, and everything to do with the kids.

This evening they haven't been that bad but I was exhausted and one of the DC made a snide remark which normally I would have ignored but I just snapped. I yelled at them all and told them to leave me alone for awhile, which they didn't. So I just left the house and went out and have just come back.

Dh during all of this did absolutely nothing which is normal. I get all the shit from the kids to deal with whilst he just locks himself up in his room. I feel like a single parent.

Everyone always tells me that he's so relaxed and the kids tell me how dad never tells them off and how great he is. I feel like I'm a shit parent. Shall I do what he does and doesn't talk to them, doesn't discipline them, doesn't set boundaries or play with them, take them out, spend time with them. All the things I try to do. Sometimes I just feel like giving up.

When I came back my youngest went to sleep without any food and the teens got a takeaway nearby which they were eating at 10 when I walked in. Dh didn't even bother to sort this out for them. Even something.

Just offering hugs. I remember my auntie just walking out once on her lot for much the same reasons. I'm not sure it had much effect but she had a wonderful few hours on a bench with her book xxx

I’d be getting divorced and asking for 50:50 with their crap dad. This way you’d get a proper rest.

This is not joking. If your husband is this shit, you may as well be single.

Time for a serious conversation with your husband.

You have 4dc, you can reduce that to 3 and have them 50% of the time if you divorce.

Your problem isn't your kids, it's your husband.

Look into divorce.

Then the kids can go and live with their great dad who has no rules and see how they get on there.

Your husband letting the youngest go to bed hungry is completely unacceptable.

I know my problem is my husband. If I divorce, I think it would be highly unlikely that he would have the kids 50% of the time. Id be single and skint.

A few years a I did tell him to just leave when things came to a head. He started looking for one bed flats to rent and said then that he couldn't possibly have the kids as he couldn't afford anywhere larger to rent. He'd pop round to see them on weekends etc.

Could you go away somewhere for a week to recharge your batteries?

How about you move to the one bed flat! You can be a Disney mum, take kids out for fun things and he can do the drudgery. Call it a "trial separation" he'll soon get the message

YOU could move out - leave him with the twats

Then he should just have gone ahead and rented that then. And no popping round on his terms. Being left with the kids as a single parent is no different to your life now

Go on strike for a week see how they cope then.
My auntie 25 years ago she walked out on her husband and teens one morning she had enough.
She didn't come back.
The teens were awful to her.
She got a divorce and told him he didn't have to fight for assets or custody she said I just want out.
It was just awful what she put up with.

Book yourself a holiday and leave them all to it for a fortnight. Relax and chill out and then come back and look at it all with fresh eyes.
Something has to change @Ahshsb .
Hugs.

Why would you be skint? Ex-DH would have to pay maintenance.

Otherwise I can only see your life improving.

Why can the children not feed themselves?

I think you need to go and stay with your parents or with a friend for a week and ask him to have a good long think about how shit a parent he is to not lift a finger towards ensuring his children get nutritious food and grow up as decent considerate members of society who understand boundaries and responsibilities. If while you are away he acts as an effective parent then there's a chance your marriage may survive. If you return to find that they lived on takeaways and had no boundaries or discipline without you then you will start divorce proceedings as if you are going to be a solo parent due to his being an utter waste of space then you might as well make that status official.

Start the divorce, the house can be sold or bought out, pensions split, if the trash continues to fail as a father he will have to pay maintenance.

Your kids are watching his utter contempt of you (and them) and are learning this is how you treat people. Time to put an end to it.

Family meeting- lay it out- I’m not a maid and not a single mother, I deserve a break too. Also as someone said above- go away for a few days, you get a break, they realise what you do. If needs be make the reason to go more urgent than it is- someone needs you for something or other.

I get it totally OP. I’m in costa at the moment having stormed out this morning after a snide comment . It just gets to the point where you think let them see what life is like when I am not there to do all the shit jobs !!

Definitely a DH issue. How is your marriage outside of this? Are you looking forward to retiring and spending more time with your DH? If not maybe it is worth starting to plan for a split.

How old are the teens? How old is the youngest?

Always remember it is about 20 times harder to cope with anything if you are very tired.

I feel for you because it sounds like you're at the end of your tether and have way too much to deal with but please try not to take out your rage at your teens on your youngest. They will remember and could end up hating both themself and you for it.

What did he have to say about not feeding his youngest child?!

I feel your pain💐
single mum here although the ex was fecking useless even when we were together!
one Boxing Day I’d spent a fortune on nice picky bits from Waitrose for tea, one kid declared they weren’t hungry and the other was in their room gaming and ignoring me.
i was so mad I just got in the car and drove off. I only went round the corner but less than an hour later I had a panicked relative on the phone as my kids had rang them in tears saying mums walked out and left us!
That was several years ago and we laugh about it every Christmas…

Have you looked into CMS? You wouldn’t have to let him into your house… You’d have the kids 100% of the time. He’d have to take them out. That sounds like a very expensive lifestyle for him.