Husband said 'nice comb-over' to a man at a work drinks event

[Ramsgarthy]

My husband was at a networking drinks event for lawyers last night in London.

He is from Northern Ireland and when another man heard his voice, they said to him, 'you sound like you should be on Crimewatch'.

I understand that this was meant to be a joke (the idea being that he sounds like he's from the IRA). it is not a great joke.

But my husband replied sarcastically, 'nice comb-over', referring to the man's attempt to cover up his bald patch.

The man replied, 'now you're getting personal'.

No drinks had been had at this stage.

I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?

As a fellow Northern Irelander, good on your husband. The idiot deserved it.

Team Your DH, all the way. Good for him for not taking that offensive bullshit lying down.

You sound completely unaware of the long, long history of anti-Irish racism by the English. How would you feel about being called a terrorist if you were brown and had a, say, Afghan accent? As a foreigner with an accent, I wouldn't want this lawyer to work for me.

This. Neither covered themselves in glory but the man's comment was terrible.

First guy shouldn’t have started something if he can’t take it. It’s like I say to my kids…you don’t hit people but if someone hits you then you hit back.

This.

This x100. Also the jokes about drinking and fighting. Fuck off, it's not funny, I have nothing but contempt for anyone who makes any of these jokes. I will never waste any kindness on these people.

If you can't see why your husband WNBU then you're part of the problem.

This

Yep nailed it.

It’s quite incredible that you appear to think it’s worse to insult someone’s hair than to tell them that their nationality makes someone assume they’re a member of a terrorist organisation.

I got this in England from a minority of people for 25 years. I can’t begin to tell you how depressing and enraging it was. At one point I started walking further to avoid a particular bus stop on my last UK work commute because it was opposite an army recruitment centre that had been bombed by the IRA, because if I took a phone call that allowed someone to hear my accent, I’d get ‘Your lot did that’.

I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?

It's no more unkind and uncalled for than commenting on him sounding like a terrorist or other criminal.

Not only do you not have your husband's back, but you've come on here to rally support for not having his back!

The other guy's comment was ignorant and offensive, your husband's comment was quick witted, and mild in comparison. The best response to this kind of alpha male style bullying is to show you won't be messed with. The 'getting personal' comment was yet another dick move, an attempt by the other guy to imply his anti-Irish bigotry was just hilarious banter.

You're husband was mild in his reply. The comb over guy insinuated that your husband sounded like a terrorist. I'd have replied with far worse , the nasty Irish comments get wearing after a time and its probably not the first time your husband has had to face it.

I think your husband is hilarious.

Your husband would of been better to of said bit of an unprofessional, xenophobic comment at a work event and left it at that.

The other guy was completely out of order here, I cannot believe someone would say this. I'm with your husband. I cannot understand how you cannot see how horrible the guy's comment was and dismiss it as just a bad joke.

#TeamHusband

And I say this as a person with alopecia, in what possible world could referring to someone's follicly challenged state be more hurtful than implying they were a terrorist?

What the other guy said is worse IMO and your DH would have been justified in kicking off

Team DH here. The other bloke was lucky that your DH chose to insult him back instead of making a bigger deal out of it.

meh - tit for tat.
That man, and anyone who heard it, has learned that he can dish it out but can't take it. and that making awful comments about your DHs husband will get clapback.

Win-Win for your husband i think. I don't think "nice combover" is an over-the-top reaction to being likened to a terrorist

I agree with the OP that her husband's reply was unkind. Personally I also think it was uncalled for.

Obviously the other man's comment was inappropriate and offensive. It would have been far better to take the opportunity to respond calmly by pointing that out. That might have made the first man realise just how rude he was. Instead he ended up feeling like a victim.

Trading insults is childish behaviour. It's a bit depressing that this was a networking event for lawyers. One would have assumed, and hoped, that they would know better.

@Ramsgarthy with your husband all the way. His reaction was a bit childish but he could have said much worse. The other guy was deeply offensive and personal.

Right!

What he said OP's husband was nasty.

Nah, good on your husband, the other guy needed pulling up on his ignorant comment.

Why do you care more about the feelings of a stranger than your own husband?

OMG I'm so sorry you got that response to your accent, that is dreadful.

People can be such dicks.