Husband said 'nice comb-over' to a man at a work drinks event

[Ramsgarthy]

My husband was at a networking drinks event for lawyers last night in London.

He is from Northern Ireland and when another man heard his voice, they said to him, 'you sound like you should be on Crimewatch'.

I understand that this was meant to be a joke (the idea being that he sounds like he's from the IRA). it is not a great joke.

But my husband replied sarcastically, 'nice comb-over', referring to the man's attempt to cover up his bald patch.

The man replied, 'now you're getting personal'.

No drinks had been had at this stage.

I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?

You can change a comb over, you typically can't change your voice.

By that metric alone, what the colleague said was worse.

Some Paddies? Good grief! Are you still living in the 1970's?

I think he did well to think of a comeback so quickly.Team Dh

The crime watch comments were far worse. Imagine if he'd said 'you look like you should be on crime watch' to a black person.

If your husband complained to HR, I'd expect there would be serious consequences.

The comb-over comment wasn't great, but given the situation, I think it's excusable as an instinctive 'defensive' putdown.

Your DH was totally right. If the other fella can't deal with comeback he shouldn't dish it out.

I think your husband showed great restraint. And humour. He’d be my hero. That kind of lazy xenophobic stereotyping is embarrassing. Head held high, moral high ground, and crack on.

When he came out with his nasty comment re crimewatch he made himself fair game. His comment was personal as well as how does someone change his accent. Ridiculous behaviour. My reply would have been "and yours wasn't"

💯
His crimewatch comment was highly offensive and imo LESS personal.

He is slandering an entire nation by tarring them with the same brush.

Telling someone that they have the voice of a terrorist is personal.

Your colleague implied your husband is a terrorist!? Fuck that. It was a nasty, racist comment.

What your quick-witted husband said back was mild in comparison.

I'm from NI and not offended by much. Thick skin and happy to take banter. I would be angry and hurt and offended by the other man's comment. Good for your husband to give a quick witted retort.

"Now you're getting personal"

"Correct."

Always come back with something, or you will carry on being bullied. Say it with a smile tho, it's disarming then

Tbf if some random guy made an unprovoked insult on my husband I'd let him respond how he sees fit

team husband!

This. He started it and was more out of order. Plus l hate comb overs!

Your husband was absolutely fine - a ‘joke’ about being a terrorist versus a comment on hair? The guy was lucky that it wasn’t worse.

as someone from NI I have put up with the ‘hilarity’ of people making terrorist jokes for years…it’s fucking insulting and boring in equal measure, people seem to forget that the ordinary people of NI we’re victims of terrorism.
can you imagine going up to someone Muslim and making a similar joke?

Was the other guy actually upset at the combover comment though? I've worked with men where banter like this is 'normal' and saying 'now you're getting personal' would definitely be said back but as part of the banter iyswim.

And are you sure it was IRA related and not just that DH has dulcet tones like Jamie Dornan (who played a serial killer in the Fall)? JD has a simultaneously hypnotic and terrifying voice once you've seen him in that

Serves the guy and his stupid comb over right!

I am Team DH. Maybe Comb Over will think twice before he picks on someone else at the next event. Bet he didn't expect that retort...go DH, he'd be my quick witted hero😀

Why would you stick up for the rude man that threw the first comment instead of your own husband?

I didnt think crimewatch focused on terrorists ? Id take the comment as being aimed at travellers ,as they are perceived to be doing more “crime” ?

Team DH! I cannot believe you don't have his back on this one.

Standup comedian V heckler level putdown. I can't imagine what it was like living in NI at that time but I imagine the scars are deep. Good for him.

Was the other guy actually upset at the combover comment though? I've worked with men where banter like this is 'normal' and saying 'now you're getting personal' would definitely be said back but as part of the banter iyswim.

That’s what I was thinking. I hear stuff like this all the time among male colleagues and my husband and other men.