Husband said 'nice comb-over' to a man at a work drinks event

[Ramsgarthy]

My husband was at a networking drinks event for lawyers last night in London.

He is from Northern Ireland and when another man heard his voice, they said to him, 'you sound like you should be on Crimewatch'.

I understand that this was meant to be a joke (the idea being that he sounds like he's from the IRA). it is not a great joke.

But my husband replied sarcastically, 'nice comb-over', referring to the man's attempt to cover up his bald patch.

The man replied, 'now you're getting personal'.

No drinks had been had at this stage.

I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?

@WhereYouLeftIt @CyanideShake
He embarrassed his wife by responding. He should apologise for that, the petty rights and wrongs do not matter.
Perhaps you are all auditioning to be Stepford wives, but I hope most non-abused women would not stand for it.

what are you wittering on about? Who is an abused woman?

Some man makes a xenophobic comment to my husband, well then that man had better be hardy enough to withstand a sharp response.

Stop being such a little wet wipe.

His wife is autonomous she’s not accountable for his actions nor does she require an apology. He hasn’t embarrassed his wife as she was absent from the incident , she wasn’t present. The inappropriate comment was directed at him not his wife.

she has no need to be vicariously embarrassed that he made a justifiable riposte to an insult

I have to say I'd be incensed if a stranger made that comment to my NI husband.

There was absolutely nothing 'petty' about it.

The fact that you don't think the comment worthy of an emotional response suggests you don't understand just how xenophobic and downright offensive it was.

His wife is autonomous she’s not accountable for his actions nor does she require an apology. He hasn’t embarrassed his wife as she was absent from the incident , she wasn’t present. The inappropriate comment was directed at him not his wife.

she has no need to be vicariously embarrassed that he made a justifiable riposte to an insult

This!

Indeed Ms. Cunningham I have reclaimed the word Paddy and am a proud one. It never ceases to amaze me how so called educated people can be such prats. This was a lawyer after all. The OP's husband give a brilliant and funny come back to a blatant insult.

What's even worse, the OP's husband might be Protestant. My husband's also Irish visited NI with an Englishman on occasion for business. Said English man didn't realise they use pounds and not Euro's. We can take a joke, but you don't joke about the IRA and you most certainly do not do it in NI and especially if you don't know the company whom you are with.

@Ramsgarthy

In what WORLD is a (at worst!) mildly rude comment about being a bit thin on top, worse than being compared to a fucking terrorist???

Are you completely mad OP?

Comb Over Guy: Oi mate, you sound like an IRA terrorist! LOL!

Husband: And you're a bit bald!

🤦‍♀️🙄🤷‍♀️

On balance...comb over guy is an insufferable, xenophobic bore, as opposed to your husband who may be a bit childish.

Suggest you apologise and work out what team you're on going forward!

His wife wasn't there. Everything else is random word soup that doesn't really apply to real life.

He should have replied with the Mumsnet favourite "did you mean to be so rude?"😃

How on earth is he embarrassing himself?

He responded to a xenophobic twat. We should be applauding him.

"My husband was at a networking drinks event for lawyers last night in London."
His wife, the OP, was not present. In what way could she have been embarrassed?

Two questions for you, @Wellfancythis.

1. Are you aware that the Stepford wives were robots, replacing the 'uppity' women who were killed off?
2. Are you a sockpuppet for the OP? The tone's the same.

Just want to point out that there are/were (hopefully were) more terrorists in NI than the IRA, a point which many people on here don't seem to have grasped?

Also, that some of those terrorist groups are/were British and not Irish.

Just because comb-over and OP probably don't realise this, there's no reason for everyone else to make the same assumptions.

It was so very offensive of comb-over to hear a NI accent and make a remark about being a terrorist.
But it's also troubling to see people on this thread assume all NI terrorists were Irish. Because they weren't.

It's not great to hear a NI accent and assume someone is Irish anyway, or British for that matter. It's a divided community. Don't assume.

Agreed. But British people only see terrorists as the IRA.

Baldy baldy, so it is.

Christ yes! That killer line that allegedly slays any pithy bellicose challenge.

Yeah, I hear the Cripps and the Bloods traded that one back and forth all the time.

It may be standard banter between two close friends or family members but not from a relative stranger or co-worker. I used to have a good friend and we were always "slagging off" each other. Outsiders would have been horrified if they had heard us but we would never have dreamt of saying these things to anyone else.

It isn't any less racist or offensive just because someone is white and British and not black or Asian.

Personally I think that the husband was very restrained in his response.

Yes anything goes with close family and friends but that's not the scenario here.

My grandparents remembered them signs in London shocking to think of them hanging outside buildings.

Did you mean to say this or did you mean she is going to be siding with her husband? If you did mean against and it was just a slip of the keyboard fair enough, we've all done it, but if you really did mean against then I would think you are in minority of one if you think "we all would"

I have worked with older adults who’ve told me about the no dogs,no black,no Irish signs. Part of The daily prejudice Irish folk routinely encountered . This in conjunction with pejorative terms such as thick micks, paddy’s . That’s the overt prejudice. The NI lawyer in the op experienced the middle class covert prejudice that is concealed as banter, witty riposte. When one has the temerity to push back there is indignant and tsk! How rude etc as if the Irish individual is thin skinned or humourless

Chenecinquantecinq · Today 11:20
I’d say this is standard banter

I’d say you need to read some history books.

I would say that the "Crimewatch" comment was worse than the signs that used to hang outside boarding houses stating "No Blacks, No Irish, No Dogs" because at least those people had the courage of their own convictions, but to make a thinly veiled racist comment implying all Irish are criminals of one sort of another, based purely on someone's accent, is appalling. Please don't misunderstand me, I certainly don't agree with the sentiment of No Blacks, Irish or Dogs in any way shape or form.

As we are approaching 1/4 of the way through the 21st Century (scary) you would have hoped that people would be a bit more enlightened than they were in the mid 20th Century. We now live in a much more multi-cultural world where people travel to a diverse range of destinations and experience all the different ways of life it has to offer, so it is amazing that these old stereotypical prejudices still exist.

The fact that this was at a networking event for lawyers, you would presume they were all lawyers and therefore well educated. It is, therefore, surprising that this guy didn't have enough intelligence to keep this thought to himself. If he makes snap judgements and blurts out the first thing that comes into his head, whilst sober, it doesn't say much for his efficacy as a lawyer.

If he makes snap judgements and blurts out the first thing that comes into his head, whilst sober, it doesn't say much for his efficacy as a lawyer.

Which is why it very probably never happened.