Husband said 'nice comb-over' to a man at a work drinks event

[Ramsgarthy]

My husband was at a networking drinks event for lawyers last night in London.

He is from Northern Ireland and when another man heard his voice, they said to him, 'you sound like you should be on Crimewatch'.

I understand that this was meant to be a joke (the idea being that he sounds like he's from the IRA). it is not a great joke.

But my husband replied sarcastically, 'nice comb-over', referring to the man's attempt to cover up his bald patch.

The man replied, 'now you're getting personal'.

No drinks had been had at this stage.

I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?

It’s possible that a well-known photo of such a sign may have been manufactured, but don’t you understand that it would have been created as an emblem of the actual racist exclusion of black and Irish people? You’re not saying they made it all up are you?

The guy who said your husband should be on crime watch was in the wrong and should have been called out for it.

It would’ve been better if your husband had asked him loudly what exactly he meant by that?

the comb over comment is superfluous really.

https://www.irishtimes.com/opinion/2024/04/29/no-irish-no-blacks-no-dogs-how-common-exactly-were-such-notices/

https://www.irishtimes.com/ireland/social-affairs/2024/05/06/no-irish-no-blacks-no-dogs-irish-times-readers-recall-encountering-notorious-signs-in-britain/

When I moved to England from Wales, I met a colleague who, upon meeting me for the first time, asked me where I was from in Wales. I thought she was trying to make normal friendly chit-chat and then she immediately said 'Oh, isn't that where are all the fanatics are from?'.

Imagine saying this to anyone from anywhere else. Clearly the holiday home burnings from about 40 years ago, when I was still a small child, still strike fear into people.

I smiled wickedly, and said 'Yep'! proudly.

It wasn't the apologetic, sheepish response she was looking for 😂

Are you Irish/NI? Would you feel the same if your DH was black and some racist comment had been made? I'm English born but Irish Catholic by descent. TBH your DH should just have called him out for what he said. It's a shame he went for an appearance based insult as he had every reason to pull up the other man. I think your DH probably deserves more support from you. You don't say whether your DH is Catholic or Protestant or neither but it's a very sensitive topic and I'd hope (but not always expect) that someone ostensibly educated and informed such as a lawyer would know better than making a jibe about it. He got off lightly in my opinion.

Good on your DH, not good on you though.

Yea I agree, only thing you can do when faced with unwanted shit xenophobic jokes from the lawyer version of Alan Partridge.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-68304818.amp

No, I don't agree, OP. Your husband's response was proportionate and justified. I tire of these people who think that anyone with any sort of Irish accent is either a criminal or a terrorist.

A close friend from NI has had similar comments too. I think your DH did well to come back quickly - hair's no more personal than accent imo

I’d say this is standard banter

Lol

I hope combover man is still feeling offended and this morning and patting his strands anxiously. What a twat.

Both parties were rude and silly, and you don't owe your husband your support when he's embarrassing himself and, by association, you.

Op are you from northern Ireland also? Im assuming not as you've not had to put up with similar insults. The guy shouldn't have said it of he didn't want anything said back. The man insulted your husband, yeah some might say it's childish but I'm sure he was angry

When a friend of mine was introduced to a colleague she'd previously only spoken to they blurted out that she hadn't sounded black on the phone. The hole they had dug themselves into got a bit bigger when she asked what black sounds like.

I'm with DH on this. You should always challenge a bigot. Maybe the comb over was a bit immature but I couldn't have come up with anything else so quickly.

The xenophobic anti-Irish comment was disgraceful and far worse than the comb-over comment.
The comb-over comment is not nice and shouldn't have been said but I have no idea why you seem to be minimizing the initial comment by focussing on the comb-over comment.

👏👏

The exchange has a curiously old-fashioned ring to it - like an altercation between two Bernard Manning impersonators.

Come on!
What a stranger says does not reflect on her. Of course she is going to be siding against her husband, we all would

Oddly enough, he didn't come in today, although he was due to be in; but there was a mystery new chap with a magnificent bouffant syrup who turned up unexpectedly.

@Ramsgarthy

Neither people come out that well but your husband was, I'm assuming, just minding his own business when Mr Comb-over made his offensive, xenophobic, unprompted remark.

If he can't take a sharp retort he should dish it out. 🌹

In that case You have low standards

Who's "we all" exactly. Please dont think you are speaking for me.

Why "of course"? How do you know "we all would"? (I wouldn't, for starters.)

"What a stranger says does not reflect on her."
Very true. What reflects on the OP is what she has said here (and probably to her husband). "I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?" In this statement, she cares more about the feelings of said stranger than for the feelings of her husband, who was insulted by said stranger. THAT reflects very badly upon her, and it's all her own work.

And while I'm here, I'll just say that the "Do others agree?" smacks of someone who's fishing for agreement so that she can metaphorically hit her husband over the head with 'Look! Look! I told you so!' rather than someone who is uncertain about their reaction and wants to use Mumsnet as a sounding board to think it through.

er, what??

don't include me in your 'all'!