Okay… so what exactly are the sacrifices made for a private school eduction (feel free to scroll past if you don’t want to read another public school one 😉)

[vote4whoeveryouwant]

Yes, know another private school one. But I keep reading about people making huge sacrifices so their children can go to private school but I’d be genuinely interested to know what these are?

I earn pretty well but we only holiday alternate years, don’t have a car and haven’t done anything to our decrepit house for years simply because we don’t have enough leftover after outgoings and all the boring stuff.

My DD has dyslexia and we did look into private school for her as she really struggles but it no matter what way we tried to rework our finances there was no way we could make it work.

But it’s all relative. Someone else will see you as being out of touch because you do have a mortgage or a car and have any kind of holiday at all.

The thread wasn’t about “let’s hear the deluded reasons people think they are struggling when they have private school fees” and people who cannot afford to send their child/ren to independent schools won’t be able to relate. Just like people who can never afford a mortgage or a car or a holiday could relate to you.

This will happen - who do you think comes off worse when that happens? Clue - it’s not the middle class people who can afford a highly sought after catchment area pricing out the less well off. Privilege comes in many forms

Oh @Beenquee not that old MN myth. People live in all
Kinds of neighbourhoods. But if you drew a vent diagram with private school families in one circle and lovely neighbourhoods in the other there'd be a massive great overlap.

I'm not going to dignify this thread with a response

how much are the school fees there ? In Australia the cheapest catholic private schools are about $5000 a year. A reasonable one would be $10000 and the really top exclusive ones are $20k plus. Many people in middle class can afford the cheaper ones. To go to the exclusive ones would be a stretch for many.

our system is that private schools still get gov funding. State schools get about 10k per student per year. Private get about 6k per student per year.

Our cars are 13 and 11 years old. We each bought them brand new and will drive them until they die. Been paid off years ago.

We don’t have fancy foreign holidays - we do go abroad but out of season maybe once a year.

None of us have expensive hobbies.

Buy new clothes when needed but always check Vinted First to see if we can buy second hand.

Don’t eat at restaurants very often - and get take aways even less frequently.

If DC wasn’t at an indie we would both have much newer cars, would travel more, go on holidays and weekends away more frequently and probably go to the theatre at least once a month.

We are not on the breadline but could be much more comfortable had we not chosen indie ed.

Interesting system - similar-is to how Australian healthcare is funded too.

In the UK, the cheapest private schools at secondary school would be circa £15k per year (more typically 18k) and the elite London day schools are £25-34k per year.

So for 2 kids - it would be £50-70k from net income per year - so for most people with a mortgage and 2 kids going at the same time, you would need a household income of at least £250-300k to do this comfortably in London and that would be in the context of a low mortgage. Some may make the choice to move out of London where houses are cheaper and private schools cost less for instance etc

Currently, the car is 15 years old and desperately needs replacing. We don't own or rent a property- our 'sacrifice' was to take the offer to live with elderly relatives. Trust me, whilst it's appreciated and saves a lot of money, there are days when i doubt my choices. Our lack of property means we have no long term security and nothing to downsize from or use as a pension plan when older. ALN means it's still worth it for the support for our DS.

My children all went to state schools and have achieved. Thankfully they don’t have to worry about a conscience,depriving their parents of an old car aged 3 years !! We have cars aged about 12 years old!!!

We've decided to send our incredibly hard working very academic DD to a local private girls sixty form.

We will not have money for foreign holidays so have booked camping in Cornwall and Wales. We both drive 10 year old cars. I only buy new clothes from Vinted.

We modelled the possibility of her going to the school we've chosen at the moment we had put our house on the market and were looking at houses to buy as we were relocating to be nearer family once the GCSEs had been finished. We stuck to a predetermined house buying budget and got full asking price for our house.

If we'd have looked at and bought some of the nice houses marketed above this threshold our monthly mortgage and outgoings would have been to high to afford the school fees for two years and the university fees beyond that.

We are very good at sticking to a budget and constantly reviewing it to make sure all the essentials are taken care of - contingency savings, car repairs, bills, Xmas etc ahead of asking ourselves about non-essentials and whether a spend can be accommodated.

Yes , often the case, and consequently the school places that aren’t taken up are freed up for those slightly out of catchment (in much more affordable streets).
That’s what happens here, particularly for the more sought after of our 2 senior school options.

Extended the mortgage, cut back on discretionary spending (holidays clothes etc), CONSTANTLY worry about one of us losing our jobs, less pension contributions ...

I’m fascinated at the idea that people without school fees to pay won’t bother to earn as much. Do you see childfree couples capping their earnings in this way?

Most people that i know with children at private school both work long hours, have an old car, don't eat out much, don't have expensive holidays, and live on very modest houses in the cheaper parts of town. They are not massively wealthy, but driven academically. They have chosen private school (at least the closest one) because their child is unusually bright, has dylexia, , is on the spectrum and or nerdy/sensitive and would get eaten alive at State school. They are still in good jobs, but both parents work full time and fairly long hours. I would say probably that the size and location of house has been the biggest sacrifice. Many i know who have kids at state school drive much more expensive cars and own a larger house in a nicer area. I don't know anyone extremely well off at private school, but it could just be the demographics of my social circle.

Surely if people can afford full time nursery (in excess of £100 a month?) they could also afford private school? So not beyond the realms of everyone?

£1000 a month, not £100 a month

Does your daughter understand the pressure that you have put on her with your sacrifices? Just think it is a high expectation for her . Am saying this from a similar perspective when I went to private school,absolutely flunked my ALevels and went to local college to retake. Have felt guilty about this for years.

I think a better way of putting it is that some people live very modestly so as to prioritise school fees. Private schools have always had a mix of wealth and 'genteel poor'.

I actually don’t know of anyone who makes ‘sacrifices’. It depends on the calibre of the school - there are private schools, and then there are private schools. The higher up the food chain the wealthier the parents are - mostly.

Yes! But more so professional parents (or mid-earning parents) with kids in state school. All the time. More likely to work around kids, part-time cos the kids are only young once etc.

This is not true for everyone and some people are driven to lead and leadership high-earning roles for passion etc. But I anecdotally, I know of (and read on mumsnet) of mainly women who's contribution to the family pot are fees often at cost to spending as much time with their kids/as a family.

Childless couples are unlikely to have the same push/pull of more time at work equals less time to nurture kids. Time to enjoy life in general/as a couple/travel may be the drivers there.

We may not see a difference but I think it would be interesting to see how it pans out. Difficult to predict how people will modify behaviour but it is a worthwhile social experiment. Let's see if it makes any difference (should be relatively easy to capture any significant change)

Absolutely not the case with my friends who sent their kids to private school. All very well off ,high speck cars ,exotic holidays,huge houses. Generally people who send their children to private school are not actually having to skimp on fun stuff…it’s a fact! Good for them.
Edited to say that youngest child has a partner who went to Epsom College until last year ,so up to date information. The partners Mother has never worked and has a lovely life …good for her .

As said above - depends on the school. Would be difficult to scrimp and save to go to Eton or Westminster. But the local private school, for sure.

I knew of wealthy medics who did 1 Saturday a month on Harley street and that funded private fees. That was a decade ago. Now, you would have to maintain a higher volume private practice to achieve the same. Albeit, there is far more private practice around. But colleagues in North England afford 2 kids in private school on just 2 NHS senior medic salaries. So more junior people could do it with some judicious spending

When eldest was 2, we had to decide whether to move out of the London/private schools to a suburb which had better state schools. We were not able to make the move as we could not sell our house and so had to stay in London and use private schools.

I took a full time job as a result and actively chased higher salaries, changing jobs every 3 years.

I would say that if my dcs were able to get into a good state school, I would not have chosen the stressful high octane job route because our expenses would have been much lower. It is a rational and logical choice.

I completely agree with your point about professional parents incurring a higher opportunity cost for a longer hours high earning job in terms of their time which could otherwise be spent with their dcs (especially when young) being taken away. It can be painful for a parent to not see as much of their dcs growing up but needs must if school fees have to be paid.

Childfree couples do not incur this same opportunity cost on their time. Therefore, they are freer to decide how much time they want to spend at work.

We rent, one ten year old small car, cycle a lot as well, no holidays abroad and maybe one week away in the U.K. every other year (we also sometimes camp, house-sit or stay with relatives). House is tiny and quite tatty right now; been using the same sheets, towels and lots of the same clothes for twenty years (lots of holes!), don’t really watch tv, neither DP or I really go out socialising, we don’t really eat out more than a handful of times a year, use old tech, no Alexa devices or gaming tech suchlike, no gyms or hobbies for us really, spend any extra cash on DD’s music lessons and so on.

We do: have National Trust membership; eat decent quality food though not takeaways or processed stuff; occasionally go to concerts or the theatre at Christmas and birthdays. We are getting a bursary for DD at a private school but are still paying some fees. The bursary assessment went through all our expenditure with a very fine tooth comb so they must have thought we weren’t exactly profligate! An incoming salary rise is going to pay for the remaining fees.

I might also add that the jobs we do (think similar to academia, vicar etc.) might not pay very well, but come with a certain amount of cultural capital, which means that we can give DD a lot of extra educational enrichment without tutoring or paying for lots of expensive extracurriculars etc.