Okay… so what exactly are the sacrifices made for a private school eduction (feel free to scroll past if you don’t want to read another public school one 😉)

[vote4whoeveryouwant]

Yes, know another private school one. But I keep reading about people making huge sacrifices so their children can go to private school but I’d be genuinely interested to know what these are?

I earn pretty well but we only holiday alternate years, don’t have a car and haven’t done anything to our decrepit house for years simply because we don’t have enough leftover after outgoings and all the boring stuff.

My DD has dyslexia and we did look into private school for her as she really struggles but it no matter what way we tried to rework our finances there was no way we could make it work.

No it isn’t, if you can’t afford something anyway you aren’t sacrificing anything it’s called just not being able to afford it.

What someone else can afford or not afford isn't relevant in this context. Nor is whether the after sacrifice position is still comfortable/reasonable.

The sacrifice is the difference between what we could have have had if we had not have chosen to pay school fees, and what we actually had because we did choose to pay school fees.

School fees cost us £3000+ a month. In order to pay them we had to make the choice to go without the things that the £3000+ a month would have otherwise been spent on (so holidays/cars/bigger mortgage /part time work etc).

The fact that other people don't have an extra £3000+/m is neither here nor there in relation to the sacrifices we chose to make. Its not a comparison between their lifestyle and ours, its a comparison between ours with paying school fees and ours without paying school fees. We could have had a much better standard of living if we hadn't chosen to pay for school fees.

FWIW I think we started in a privileged position to be able to make the choice in the first place. But that doesn't negate the fact that we sacrificed a lot of things we could otherwise have had in order for it to happen.

Smaller house which looks very old inside but I don’t care it’s our safe haven, our kids are content.

old cars (both 15 years old) still going strong.

holidays are trips to family. Once again fine.

Less into pensions and investments bit of a worry.

I guess there is a lot I could do with £35k a year net.

less for myself cos I’m working all the time.

I choose to not buy a new car for my child to go to private school.

I sacrificed a new car for my child to go to private school.

There is a difference in the meaning of those two statements, both see private school as a better outcome for their children, both are fortunate to have the ability to send to private school. The second is implying it was outwith their control, there were no other options, woe is me.

Another person that doesn’t understand vat and charities.

I mean.... These "sacrifices" are just normal life for most people! We've never owned a car newer than 15 years old, second hand. Go on one cheap holiday a year (to visit my parents), live in a small house, did all the DIY ourselves, no takeaways, no eating out, both work very hard, no expensive extra curriculars for the kids, clothes shopping once or twice a year, mostly second hand clothes for the kids.... Guess what, we still barely cover the mortgage, let alone save £1000 a month for school fees lol. Some people really are out of touch.

I'm a single mum and take home about £75K. Before my DS went to private school (leading London one so v expensive) I was pretty crap with money and had a habit of agreeing to things before checking out how much it was going to cost me. When he got his place at the private school it was a massive wake up call for me (panic-inducing) and made me think about money properly for the first time - so that was probably quite good. I changed my lifestyle a bit but don't feel I made any massive sacrifices. I kept on going on holidays abroad but I've never hankered after 5 star hotels etc so found that it was doable with cheap flights where possible and cheap hotels/AirBnb. I'm not a foodie but before he went to the private school I'd fritter money away on meals out with friends who were into that kind of thing. No more - I'm just more intentional with my spending. I now only eat out if it's a special occasion although still grab cheap takeaway lunches a couple of times a week. Also stopped going to pubs to meet friends as it seemed like a total waste of money when we could do if for a fraction of the price in each other's homes. I buy clothes rarely but still think I look pretty good - I like to buy cheap stuff that looks expensive. Have an oldish car that I love and looks great so I'm quite happy with that, still live in my ex-council flat but due to it's great location I wouldn't have left that anyway. The main 'sacrifice' is that I've stayed in my job which I don't find stimulating. That said it gives me loads of flexibility and pays well so I might have stayed in that anyway. With just one more year to go, I'm putting the fees on my mortgage and if he'd been even a bit younger, I would have had to take him out with the VAT hike which would have broken his heart as he has so many good friends there. Most of them are from phenomenally wealthy families so it's likely he would have been the only one to go. I just about make it financially but the increased school fees would have pushed me too far financially than I could handle.

No it literally isn’t, sacrificed is a perfectly fine word to use in terms of the subject of this thread, just because you don’t like it, doesn’t change that.

I would argue that all of the people saying that they make these sacrifices every day so they can pay their bills are using it incorrectly because they are not giving up something that they would otherwise have, they just can’t afford those things, and that is totally different.

Charities aren’t exempt from paying vat. They don’t charge vat on their fees because supply of education is exempt from vat, non charity schools also currently don’t have to charge vat on their fees.

I suppose the other way to look at it is that maybe the sacrifice you make is only having one or two DC, when maybe you wanted more, so you can afford to send them. We only have one DS, who is in private school, so we don’t have to make any lifestyle sacrifices IYSWIM but we definitely would if we’d had two DC.

Surely in this context it also depends how many kids and where. We live in London and realistically day schools will top 30k here once Labour gets it. For two kids that's 60k i.e. 100k salary.....

Whilst I am sure people do make sacrifices - we are still talking about wealthy people making choices here. A family income of say 150k - which would be the minimum you need really - is pretty high regardless of how you look at it.

I don’t feel comfortable with the word sacrifice. It’s not like we are going without food. We may be going without middle class privileges.

In our case: we are not having a holiday this year (but we did have 2 x 1 week holidays last year). We eat out as a whole family every two months. (DH and I eat out on our own a little bit in between for our sanity) We very rarely have a takeaway (I can’t remember last). of course we have no sky tv! 🤣we don’t have Netflix which the DC would like but we have Amazon and Disney. We have one car. We won’t be replacing it any time soon.

The absolute biggest thing is not having the security of our mortgage paid off by the end of the term. We lost a lot of money during Covid through a mixture of my work being decimated and bad timing. We didn’t get the best price, bought for more than expected and in between spent a lot of money renting.
we put part of the new mortgage on interest only. The obvious thing to recover our finances would have been youngest DC moving on from prep school to a state secondary school rather than private secondary school. The money should really be going on our mortgage.

Well, honestly? We can easily afford it. So no sacrifices (apart from my soul, obvs...)

The second is implying it was outwith their control, there were no other options, woe is me. I don't think that's the correct use of the word sacrifice at all. Sacrifice is about choosing to give up one thing of value in order to pursue something perceived to be of greater value. That's why the term is often used in religious contexts - you choose to give up something you value (food, animal, child (!)) in order to show how highly you value your commitment to the deity. It's not about lack of control at all.

@StikItToTheMan that is exactly what I have chosen to do. I spent 12 years as a SAHM and we had basic holidays. I really thought if I paid off the house and could get childcare to work (abroad a lot) it would mean a better lifestyle. She is having the time of her life to be honest but we are barebones at home. I still think she is in the best place for her though and wouldn't move her now as she is a seemingly elusive happy teen with hobbies, friends and a great work ethic. I do feel I am sacrificing a lot but we are both happier than we would be if I couldn't work and she had to go to a sink school.

Yes I agree sacrifice involves a choice, but to me the thing you are giving up is of great value. Like people sacrifice their lives in war, or jesus on the cross, or mums not eating enough to make sure their children get enough vitamins.

I suppose I don't see a lot of the things people mention giving up as having great value.

They might cost a lot but I still can't see the sacrifice with an old car or a average home not a luxury one.

That's not to say I don't believe some people aren't making genuine sacrifices too. Some people seem to be jeopardising their own financial security and facing poverty in old age.

I think there’s a lot people in this position where it’s doable but would be miserable if you did it. Personally I wouldn’t choose private schools in this situation but I can see why if you did and now everyone treats you as if you are the personification of evil because you have the luxury of private school for your children, you’d be pissed off. It’s only in relation to private schools where working hard and trying to do the best for your children is seen as a “bad thing”.

So many brave souls forsaking brand new cars for private school. Such sacrifices.

I'm a single mum with a ds who has a 'maths head'. He was awarded a maths scholarship meaning I pay fees of 9k plus bus fare, uniform and trips. My after-tax income is £36k
That means I have no nights out. No takeaways. I don't buy alcohol. Cook from scratch, grow some of my own. Haven't been abroad since 2018.
But that's my choice. I made that decision because the state school place he was offered, Ofsted said wasn't safe, bullying was rife, younger pupils were at serious risk, staff had no idea who was on-site. They wound the trust up a year later.

I'm not looking for sympathy, it is my choice (and cheaper than moving house), but I do get fed up with the 'all parents are wealthy' rubbish.

Ds is doing his GCSEs now. The end is in sight. We have been very lucky and Labour won't get to wreck ds' security. I feel so sorry for others - Sen kids or scholarship kids who will be disrupted.

Went without Club biscuits . Having very plain garibaldis all the time. At least once a week, we had tripe which was very cheap. My oldest brother was the only one who got Pot Noodles.

True but do we want a society where no one has nice things? Where everyone is equally struggling. Just all seems very dire. And the tax burden in the UK is the highest it has been in a very long time.

I am just shocked people are not agitating for economic growth, for a government (any party) with a plan to grow the economy so everyone can aspire to a engage in productive work that leads to a thriving life. Where most people can afford to holiday once a year, without selling a kidney.

This idea that we should all be struggling equally is dragging the country down. And VAT on fees is neither here nor there - most will pay it and we will move on. It will not change the rising poverty in the country - let's focus on changing that

Well said.

A difficult and hard choice, but still a choice. You come across as a strong and proud person taking ownership of that choice. You are a role model for your ds and he will learn as much from your approach to lifes choices and challenges as he does from his school.

And also well done for not putting the burden or guilt of false “sacrifice” on him.

We grew up in a nice road in a nice area, my brother and I were the only kids who went to private school.

We hung out with the other kids on the street and I remember feeling so poor in comparison. They all had nice cars, flashy clothes, the latest trainers, went abroad every year, their houses looked nice and fresh etc. we had none of that as every penny went on our education.

My parents didn't have a car, the house was clean and tidy but dated, clothes were not the latest thing, no foreign holidays. We never went without but even as a child I was well aware that we lived differently to the local kids but I didn't realise it was because of the school fees, I just thought we were poorer.

I don’t think it’s so difficult to recognise that people will make sacrifices to send their children to private schools.

It might be not overpaying their mortgage, not having holidays abroad, less pension saving, living on a tight budget etc.

To have £3k to spend on school fees of course means you are better off than average (by a significant margin), but I don’t think most parents at private schools are probably living the high life.

DH jokes that our DCs school fees are "his and her Porsches"
Not sure if thats what you mean