How do I kindly tell my friend that her birthday treat isn't too much of a treat?

[chatenoire]

I'm turning 40 shortly and my very dear friend offered to cook me dinner to celebrate. That in itself is extremely kind of her. However, because of her own personal circumstances, we'd have to do it at home, and I genuinely don't feel like cleaning for and after the celebration.... I'm trying to find some sort of middle ground, but with the weather we're having a picnic is out of the question.

just say you forgot someting on that day an we move it to later

then she an do it at hers

Would be my worst nightmare and surely you’ll end up helping unless she knows her way around your kitchen. I’d prefer a takeaway or a meal out.

@crochetmonkey74 sure, but for my birthday? How is it a treat to have to clean up and sit and listen to someone banging on in my own kitchen, knowing I then have to do dishes too. No way to kick them out if I want an early exit. It's NOT a treat. At all.

It's really not a gift if it comes with obligations and chores attached.

Maybe if you can't cook for some reason? Even then, having the person over to your house for a home cooked dinner would be a million times nicer.

Could your friend bring a carpet picnic with her, rather than cooking, so she takes wines, glasses, plates etc, away with her afterwards?

Tell her your cooker has broken down

why does her letting out her garden room mean she can't host you? presumably she still has a home with a kitchen?

Indeed it's not much of a treat, is it? Most of us would feel stressed or uncomfortable about this. She can't be that hard up if she's renting out part of her house for Airbnb! Hope you resolve it by going out for coffee as suggested.

I think it sounds ok.

That said, I'd probably be wanting to know how much cooking she would need to be doing at mine & if it would seem too much fuss.

Yawn. Are you five? I didn't say how I feel , just that it sounds batshit banging on about a presumably good friend going in 'their' kitchen. So pedestrian & dull.

Are you? Put your hand over your mouth.

Totally agree. An absolute nightmare.

if I had to I’d prefer pay and take the 4 people out to dinner. And I would absolutely definitely not want to do that. At all. But still better than the above idea

OOh, OP - don't be embarrassed - there are lots of suggestions as to how to stop this train now!

I would absolutely hate this. It would be the opposite of a treat to me. I'd be madly cleaning and tidying in preparation, and then I bet your friend would need you almost at her beck and call in finding things, using the oven etc etc. And you'd have to set the table and sit very awkwardly making chit-chat while the meal was prepared. And surely, you'd rather actually spend the time with your friend,not in another room? And there'd be that pressure to be gushing about the meal. Get a take-away!

Just be kind but honest and say that you don't really think it would actually be a treat - and you'd rather spend the evening relaxing in her company than have her messing about in a strange kitchen.

Totally missed the point then? Ha ha

It's a great thread, OP - most of us would be filled with horror!

It's bad enough knowing I only have one pan out of ten that's truly still non-stick and the colander has a knack to jt, without letting my friends know that my vestige of normality is just a smoke screen!

At your home?? I'd tell her you're not up for hosting at your own house at the moment

Then you'll have to do it now

Oh god my worst nightmare. Had a friend come to stay and insisted they make me a meal. The meal was basic at best and of course I was helping prep and wash up and in my tiny kitchen and not just sit there. I'd have been much happier with a takeaway but friend INSISTED. Never again.

I'm no great cook myself, but I don't impose it on others

Does it have to be that much work? Open a bottle of wine, be snacking on bread sticks as a starter while cooking, forget about dishes until the next day… and have another glass of wine 😊 Might be fun

Just switch it around and say husband is cooking, but if she can clean up afterwards, you'd truly appreciate it.

I've thought about ut and altho,a lovely offer I just wonr feel relaxed enough doing ut at mine. Let's juts go for a walk and have some time together

Just be honest ..life's too short ..and its YOUR birthday

Sorry if that's been suggested a lot, onky just reading the thread

Could you ask her to do something which is all prepared and then just needs putting in the oven? Less washing up that way.

Can you honestly not see someone else’s perspective?