How do I kindly tell my friend that her birthday treat isn't too much of a treat?

[chatenoire]

I'm turning 40 shortly and my very dear friend offered to cook me dinner to celebrate. That in itself is extremely kind of her. However, because of her own personal circumstances, we'd have to do it at home, and I genuinely don't feel like cleaning for and after the celebration.... I'm trying to find some sort of middle ground, but with the weather we're having a picnic is out of the question.

It's your 40th!!! Just say you really appreciate the gesture but you've had a think and you would love to go out for a meal or do an activity. Do something special and treat yourself. I'm sure if she's a good friend she would understand.

Tell her to bring a takeaway instead, so you can all relax

Just tell her. It’s not exactly a common present so she won’t be surprised if you’re not keen.

I wouldn’t like it either! I’m not previous about the kitchen but it just wouldn’t be relaxing. And all the cleaning up!

suggest going out for lunch or just coffee and cake.

tell her you’d rather she treated you to a glass of wine in a quiet pub.

you have said yes,
just accept it!

i imagine she will clean up afterwards
and why not clean beforehand, its a win win

Suggest an empty garden room day...

You don't tell her you are just washing your hair hurt the next six months.

yep

Someone coming to my house to cook in my kitchen for my birthday is not a treat.

Yea not much of a treat

I think that sounds very nice of your friend. I am not sure why the cleaning up is such a big problem tbh.

The other people (not you as it's your birthday) just muck in and clean and tidy.

HELL no

My house is too messy for guests and that's the reason I'd give

Oooh nooo, someone shuffling around in MY kitchen, opening the landslide cupboard, asking "where do you keep the...." every 5 minutes. Having to make sure the fridge is clean and the week old baked beans thrown out. Sounds like a lovely gesture but my idea of a nightmare!!

Yeah this is good

Upon first reading it I thought it sounded like she was being a bit of a cheeky fucker but after the update about her garden room being rented out the whole situation screams cheeky fucker and it sounds like your birthday is a convenient excuse to be out the house for a few hours.

The whole idea sounds positively batshit and not at all a treat. As a previous poster said just ask her to go somewhere for coffee and cake or something or do a takeaway.

Well your DH can clean up after? Then it's not your problem, and you can enjoy a nice cooked meal. No big deal.

Well, any of my friends are welcome to cook in my kitchen, but they've all seen the size of it & I think only my bestie would actually do it.🤣🤣

id love her to have been here & cooked me a meal for my birthday

you don't have to do housework on your birthday, it's not tomorrow, plenty of time before then and her & your DH can clean up after.

Sounds like a good evening to me.

This. ^ YANBU @chatenoire this is the shittiest 40th birthday 'treat' ever. I would just be saying 'sorry friend, but I'd much rather go out for brunch or something in a nice cafe or restaurant.'

If she disagrees just stand your ground, shake your head, and say 'this is not what I want for my 40th birthday...' Stand firm. If she is a real friend, she will respect your wishes.

Agree with this. I don't want anyone outside of my immediate family rummaging in my drawers, opening my cupboards, being in my fridge or just generally poking around my kitchen.
No. Fuck off.

Guests in the garden room doesn't mean she can't have people over for dinner surely!

She doesn’t want to, she has said that several times. She’s allowed to change her mind

She might be a brilliant cook but basically she’s Masterchefing on your time and you don’t feel comfortable- it’s your kitchen, and there’s something a bit awkward about someone making something for your birthday right in front of you especially if it goes wrong… could your cooker/ oven not develop a drastic fault?