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Can your recommend a birthday poem for a grandma who hasn't been part of your life.

77 replies

Barbarbarann · 06/06/2024 14:01

My teenage son has been asked to read a poem for his grandmother's milestone birthday. We will video it and they will play it during her party. She lives on the other side of the world, so whilst my husband is going, my son and I are not as it is during school time.

My son has only met her in person three times although he has said hello to her a handful of times over facetime. She simply hasn't been part of his life. She is not an affectionate or thoughtful type of person either. She usually forgets birthdays and has never sent a gift or card to him his whole life but will occasionally send money randomly saying it is for his birthday or Christmas. It is just the way she is and we have accepted it (it doesn't mean I am happy about it! - and please don't make this post about that!)

I am at a complete loss as to what poem he could read. DH found a random grandma poem but it assumes some kind of affection or shared experiences. I cringed at every line as it was not true! I said I would find another poem. Any ideas would be helpful - it doesn't necessarily have to be a grandma poem. Perhaps there is more generic poem that would work?!

I would be so grateful for any help! Thanks.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 06/06/2024 18:17

Barbarbarann · 06/06/2024 15:58

Can we please get back to poem suggestions!!

Are you sure she would appreciate a poem? If she doesn't "do" birthdays and doesn't want a fuss, why not just a plain "happy birthday"?

Not everyone likes or appreciates poetry.

Damnloginpopup · 06/06/2024 19:32

Happy birthday granny
You fucking useless fanny.

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 06/06/2024 19:39

Barbarbarann · 06/06/2024 15:54

I do understand where you are all coming from. But the alternative to 'not bother' because she hasn't bothered is not a good lesson overall. DS doesn't mind doing the poem as long as he has the words in front of him. He doesn't have any particular strong feelings for his grandma either. He just says 'she is ok'.

Also the situation is all shades of black, white and grey. She has not mistreated us or ignored us, she is just not very affectionate or thoughtful. DH was the one that moved to UK to study and never went back (I may have had something to do with it!!).

Birthdays have never been important to her - even her own. She shows her love through cooking food, sponsoring education and giving money. Her life is very busy. She has a small business (she won't give it up despite being way past retirement age) and she is raising two of her orphaned grandkids, and even then we have to remind her of their birthdays and literally tell her to buy a gift and what to buy - and she lives with them!

MIL is just wired differently and oddly! Its like she can only do one thing at a time and whatever is in front of her - she can't think beyond it. I am very sure in her mind she loves us all deeply. Last year we visited she was extremely hospitable and very nice to us. She showered DS with money while there to make up for all the times she forgot his birthday and I know she actually meant it from her heart as she got emotional when giving it and apologised over and over. When I hugged her goodbye she was overcome with emotion. I felt that she was starved of hugs (her own fault!). So actually even if she can be thoughtless and annoying, I feel a bit sorry for her and don't have ill will towards her.

The last para is a fairly big dripfeed and changes things somewhat.

In light of that, I can see why you would give your DS the choice to read.

But that stuff about respecting elders just because they're elders is still bollocks!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

SpringKitten · 06/06/2024 19:52

As I Grow Old I Will March Not Shuffle

As I grow old I will not shuffle
to the beat of self-interest
and make that slow retreat to the right.

I will be a septuagenarian insurrectionist
marching with the kids. I shall sing
‘La Marseillaise’, whilst brandishing
homemade placards that proclaim
‘DOWN WITH THIS SORT OF THING’.

I will be an octogenarian obstructionist,
and build unscalable barricades
from bottles of flat lemonade,
tartan blankets and chicken wire.
I will hurl prejudice upon the brazier’s fire.

I will be a nonagenarian nonconformist,
armed with a ballpoint pen
and a hand that shakes with rage not age
at politicians’ latest crimes,
in strongly-worded letters to The Times.

I will be a centenarian centurion
and allow injustice no admittance.
I will stage longstanding sit-ins.
My mobility scooter and I
will move for no-one.

And when I die
I will be the scattered ashes
that attach themselves to the lashes
and blind the eyes of tyrants
and racists and fascists.

SpringKitten · 06/06/2024 19:55

I hope you like that one too.
Jenny Joseph’s Warning was my late mum’s favourite poem - it became the creed of her old age. I cry whenever I read it, I miss my mum so much. But that poem brings me great joy. I hope your ds can find a way to connect with your mil, sometime before it’s too late.

Gymnopedie · 06/06/2024 20:37

Happy birthday Grandma
My wishes are sent from afar
I hope you have a lovely day
Happy and healthy and stay that way.

TheCultureHusks · 06/06/2024 23:30

Happy birthday to one far away
No presents or hugs, but you like it that way
My mum said to think of a suitable ode
But we ain’t good at ‘Granny to Grandson’-mode
But when all’s said and done we’re linked and we’re fam
I wish we were closer. I wish you were Gran.
But if not a Gran then at least a cute pet
Perhaps a small hamster I won in a bet.

CassandraWebb · 06/06/2024 23:33

Barbarbarann · 06/06/2024 14:38

For those that say we shouldn't bother - it is about paying respects to his grandma because she is his elder and grandma. DS should treat her with respect regardless of her thoughtlessness over the years. That life lesson alone is worth looking for the right poem or perhaps making one up.

I love some of the suggested lines of poetry. I have a feeling we will be making one up with bits and pieces from here!

No, we don't have to respect people blindly. That's a weird life lesson. People earn the right to our respect through their actions and behaviour. They aren't just entitled to it.

CassandraWebb · 06/06/2024 23:36

Barbarbarann · 06/06/2024 15:54

I do understand where you are all coming from. But the alternative to 'not bother' because she hasn't bothered is not a good lesson overall. DS doesn't mind doing the poem as long as he has the words in front of him. He doesn't have any particular strong feelings for his grandma either. He just says 'she is ok'.

Also the situation is all shades of black, white and grey. She has not mistreated us or ignored us, she is just not very affectionate or thoughtful. DH was the one that moved to UK to study and never went back (I may have had something to do with it!!).

Birthdays have never been important to her - even her own. She shows her love through cooking food, sponsoring education and giving money. Her life is very busy. She has a small business (she won't give it up despite being way past retirement age) and she is raising two of her orphaned grandkids, and even then we have to remind her of their birthdays and literally tell her to buy a gift and what to buy - and she lives with them!

MIL is just wired differently and oddly! Its like she can only do one thing at a time and whatever is in front of her - she can't think beyond it. I am very sure in her mind she loves us all deeply. Last year we visited she was extremely hospitable and very nice to us. She showered DS with money while there to make up for all the times she forgot his birthday and I know she actually meant it from her heart as she got emotional when giving it and apologised over and over. When I hugged her goodbye she was overcome with emotion. I felt that she was starved of hugs (her own fault!). So actually even if she can be thoughtless and annoying, I feel a bit sorry for her and don't have ill will towards her.

Are you angling for the Mumsnet drip feed of the year award?

I'd dip into a few decent poetry anthologies and see if there's one that resonates in some way.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 06/06/2024 23:48

I would download a version of Clive Dunn singing "Grandpa, we love you" from YouTube and tell her it's from all her grandchildren (and she may had misheard 'Grandma')

Gymnopedie · 07/06/2024 00:34

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 06/06/2024 23:48

I would download a version of Clive Dunn singing "Grandpa, we love you" from YouTube and tell her it's from all her grandchildren (and she may had misheard 'Grandma')

It's Granddad, Granddad we love you, which is harder to mistake. But I like your thinking. There's a Grandma version:

Bing Videos

😁

Screamingabdabz · 07/06/2024 00:46

Damnloginpopup · 06/06/2024 19:32

Happy birthday granny
You fucking useless fanny.

You clearly didn’t read the OP’s update! 🙄

Screamingabdabz · 07/06/2024 00:51

How about Maya Angelou’s ‘On Aging’?

FictionalCharacter · 07/06/2024 01:50

Barbarbarann · 06/06/2024 14:38

For those that say we shouldn't bother - it is about paying respects to his grandma because she is his elder and grandma. DS should treat her with respect regardless of her thoughtlessness over the years. That life lesson alone is worth looking for the right poem or perhaps making one up.

I love some of the suggested lines of poetry. I have a feeling we will be making one up with bits and pieces from here!

Sure, treat her with respect. That doesn’t mean participating in this ridiculous performance and making a teenage boy read out a poem that will probably make most people cringe.

FictionalCharacter · 07/06/2024 01:53

Oh. I missed the gigantic drip feed. I wish people wouldn’t throw in a drip feed like this after they’ve had a load of critical replies based on the original post, which told a very different story.

GoodVibesHere · 07/06/2024 04:10

TheCultureHusks · 06/06/2024 23:30

Happy birthday to one far away
No presents or hugs, but you like it that way
My mum said to think of a suitable ode
But we ain’t good at ‘Granny to Grandson’-mode
But when all’s said and done we’re linked and we’re fam
I wish we were closer. I wish you were Gran.
But if not a Gran then at least a cute pet
Perhaps a small hamster I won in a bet.

Brilliant!

StopStartStop · 07/06/2024 08:56

Wrote this for you yesterday. 'Light verse' of no literary merit is my forte ie I write some crap but I've given it a go.

Grandma! On your big birthday
I want to thank you for your DNA
It helped make me what I am today
You'll be part of me till my dying day.

I wish you every happiness
This stage of your journey I feel I can bless
From a far distant land, without too much stress,
Delivering this poem, I know I'll impress!

So though you are so far away
Celebrating your 80th birthday
I join with all the family to say
Three cheers for Grandma! Hip Hip Hooray!

RampantIvy · 07/06/2024 08:59

I still want to know whose idea it was to read a poem. I bet it wasn't the grandson.

Barbarbarann · 07/06/2024 09:29

StopStartStop · 07/06/2024 08:56

Wrote this for you yesterday. 'Light verse' of no literary merit is my forte ie I write some crap but I've given it a go.

Grandma! On your big birthday
I want to thank you for your DNA
It helped make me what I am today
You'll be part of me till my dying day.

I wish you every happiness
This stage of your journey I feel I can bless
From a far distant land, without too much stress,
Delivering this poem, I know I'll impress!

So though you are so far away
Celebrating your 80th birthday
I join with all the family to say
Three cheers for Grandma! Hip Hip Hooray!

This is good! Thank you!

OP posts:
Barbarbarann · 07/06/2024 09:31

Sorry for the drip feed but I was honestly just looking for poem ideas and not dissect my MIL and her relationship to DS. So just wanted to nip it in the bud a bit and pull focus on the poetry!

OP posts:
AGodawfulsmallaffair · 07/06/2024 09:36

MeinKraft · 06/06/2024 14:18

Grandma, where have you been?
It's been years since you've been seen.
I hope your birthday is full of fun
and one day you visit your grandson

I wouldn’t want him to recite anything but this 😆

FishStreet · 07/06/2024 09:37

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 06/06/2024 16:24

Don't be like my parents and take for granted he will feel some affinity for virtual strangers that just happen to share more DNA with him than the average person

DM would do that. 'But she's your FAMILY!' don't tell me, tell her. I learned from that there's no advantage to be had from running around after people who can't be arsed with you, shared DNA or not. Some people just like setting themselves up to be trampled on, though.

Hear, hear. My mother could not get her head around the fact that we didn’t automatically love her mother just because she was our grandmother. The fact that she was a vicious, bitter woman whom none of us had ever heard say a single nice thing about another living soul, including her daughter and granddaughters, and who made us all miserable during the years she lived with us, apparently didn’t compute. We were all delighted when she died.

RampantIvy · 07/06/2024 10:51

Whose idea was the poem @Barbarbarann?
Yours?
Does your MIL even like poetry?

Barbarbarann · 07/06/2024 15:41

RampantIvy · 07/06/2024 10:51

Whose idea was the poem @Barbarbarann?
Yours?
Does your MIL even like poetry?

The request is from my SIL who is organising the party. There will be a video presentation from relatives that are overseas and can't be there. MIL was an English Literature teacher once upon a time - so yes, she likes poetry.

OP posts:
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