Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Can your recommend a birthday poem for a grandma who hasn't been part of your life.

77 replies

Barbarbarann · 06/06/2024 14:01

My teenage son has been asked to read a poem for his grandmother's milestone birthday. We will video it and they will play it during her party. She lives on the other side of the world, so whilst my husband is going, my son and I are not as it is during school time.

My son has only met her in person three times although he has said hello to her a handful of times over facetime. She simply hasn't been part of his life. She is not an affectionate or thoughtful type of person either. She usually forgets birthdays and has never sent a gift or card to him his whole life but will occasionally send money randomly saying it is for his birthday or Christmas. It is just the way she is and we have accepted it (it doesn't mean I am happy about it! - and please don't make this post about that!)

I am at a complete loss as to what poem he could read. DH found a random grandma poem but it assumes some kind of affection or shared experiences. I cringed at every line as it was not true! I said I would find another poem. Any ideas would be helpful - it doesn't necessarily have to be a grandma poem. Perhaps there is more generic poem that would work?!

I would be so grateful for any help! Thanks.

OP posts:
fieldsofbutterflies · 06/06/2024 15:12

Why do you feel your DS owes her any respect when they have no relationship and she doesn't even send a birthday card? Confused

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 06/06/2024 15:15

For those that say we shouldn't bother - it is about paying respects to his grandma because she is his elder and grandma. DS should treat her with respect regardless of her thoughtlessness over the years

YOu're more generous than I am. Paternal GM after DF died (I was 13) and we moved to London so DM could get a job said she didn't want to see me again because 'we had nothing in common' (apart from her son being my father, obviously). Never saw or spoke to her again (not that she'd have cared). She had zero respect from me.

There's no 'should' about him being respectful to someone just because of their age.

TheCultureHusks · 06/06/2024 15:21

Happy birthday to you,
Squashed tomatoes and stew,
It’s your grandson, yes how random,
Coz he does exist too!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Nottherealslimshady · 06/06/2024 15:24

I'd go the opposite way and find a really soppy and sweet one that talks about spending so much time together and how much love and time she spends. She'll know she hasn't been that for him but how can she complain to anyone "he hasn't even thought about it becuase I never do anything like that for him"

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 06/06/2024 15:28

Barbarbarann · 06/06/2024 14:38

For those that say we shouldn't bother - it is about paying respects to his grandma because she is his elder and grandma. DS should treat her with respect regardless of her thoughtlessness over the years. That life lesson alone is worth looking for the right poem or perhaps making one up.

I love some of the suggested lines of poetry. I have a feeling we will be making one up with bits and pieces from here!

DS should treat her with respect regardless of her thoughtlessness over the years This is a TERRIBLE life lesson.

I'm sure your mind is made up, but I think you're approaching this all wrong - you're telling your son he must perform for people who don't care for him.

ZipZapZoom · 06/06/2024 15:29

Barbarbarann · 06/06/2024 14:59

Respectfully disagree(!!). Respect is your responsibility to give to others. But that is better placed in a philosophy forum!

Edited

So you think it's fine that she shows no interest in your son, doesn't know anything about him, rarely sees him etc but he still needs to be nice and respectful to her even though she's shown she doesn't respect him?

That's honestly a really poor thing to teach a young person. Just because she is older doesn't mean he should be a doormat.

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 06/06/2024 15:33

Barbarbarann · 06/06/2024 14:59

Respectfully disagree(!!). Respect is your responsibility to give to others. But that is better placed in a philosophy forum!

Edited

Behaving respectfully is important, this means being polite, not harming someone, hearing their views etc.

Pandering and performing - which is what you're asking your son to do - is entirely different.

LakeTiticaca · 06/06/2024 15:35

Pointless exercise imho. He barely knows her and she doesn't seem to have made much effort. I wouldn't bother

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 06/06/2024 15:36

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm your grandson
Who are you?

ObliviousCoalmine · 06/06/2024 15:39

DS should treat her with respect regardless of her thoughtlessness over the years.

What a peculiar thing to instil in a child. "Let people disregard you, it's fine". What nonsense.

BogRollBOGOF · 06/06/2024 15:40

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 06/06/2024 15:33

Behaving respectfully is important, this means being polite, not harming someone, hearing their views etc.

Pandering and performing - which is what you're asking your son to do - is entirely different.

This

If it's disingenuous to read an affectionate poem because there just isn't a personal relationship there, what's the point. Loving relationships can be maintained despite distances.

What he's being asked to do is not respect; he's being asked to honour someone that hasn't earned that privilage.

catin8oots · 06/06/2024 15:40

What's the point?

catin8oots · 06/06/2024 15:42

Sorry I replied before I read the responses now I'm honestly cracking up

RampantIvy · 06/06/2024 15:45

qwertyqwertyqwertyqwerty · 06/06/2024 15:33

Behaving respectfully is important, this means being polite, not harming someone, hearing their views etc.

Pandering and performing - which is what you're asking your son to do - is entirely different.

I agree with this ^^

Why are you teaching your son to be a people pleaser. I agree that respect should be earned, not a given right.

And who has asked him to read the poem? You?

Does his grandmother even like poetry? I wouldn't appreciate a poem being read to me even if it is by a family member.

A humorous limerick is the anwer here.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 06/06/2024 15:46

ObliviousCoalmine · 06/06/2024 15:39

DS should treat her with respect regardless of her thoughtlessness over the years.

What a peculiar thing to instil in a child. "Let people disregard you, it's fine". What nonsense.

Damn right it's peculiar. It sounds like an apology for abuse to me. "Oh it doesn't matter how they treat you, remember they deserve respect just because they're older than you."

Barbarbarann · 06/06/2024 15:54

I do understand where you are all coming from. But the alternative to 'not bother' because she hasn't bothered is not a good lesson overall. DS doesn't mind doing the poem as long as he has the words in front of him. He doesn't have any particular strong feelings for his grandma either. He just says 'she is ok'.

Also the situation is all shades of black, white and grey. She has not mistreated us or ignored us, she is just not very affectionate or thoughtful. DH was the one that moved to UK to study and never went back (I may have had something to do with it!!).

Birthdays have never been important to her - even her own. She shows her love through cooking food, sponsoring education and giving money. Her life is very busy. She has a small business (she won't give it up despite being way past retirement age) and she is raising two of her orphaned grandkids, and even then we have to remind her of their birthdays and literally tell her to buy a gift and what to buy - and she lives with them!

MIL is just wired differently and oddly! Its like she can only do one thing at a time and whatever is in front of her - she can't think beyond it. I am very sure in her mind she loves us all deeply. Last year we visited she was extremely hospitable and very nice to us. She showered DS with money while there to make up for all the times she forgot his birthday and I know she actually meant it from her heart as she got emotional when giving it and apologised over and over. When I hugged her goodbye she was overcome with emotion. I felt that she was starved of hugs (her own fault!). So actually even if she can be thoughtless and annoying, I feel a bit sorry for her and don't have ill will towards her.

OP posts:
Barbarbarann · 06/06/2024 15:58

Can we please get back to poem suggestions!!

OP posts:
AdaColeman · 06/06/2024 16:05

I'd suggest Warning by Jenny Joseph.
It's not specifically about a grandmother or a birthday, but is about having fun and pleasing yourself in old age.
It isn't sentimental or soppy, it's not very long, it is amusing, so altogether a good choice for a teenager to recite.

She sounds as though she would agree with the theme of the poem!

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 06/06/2024 16:07

no but there is a song!! hello stranger by barbara lewis!!

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 06/06/2024 16:07

So if birthdays aren't important to her why fuss around with a poem that's meaningless to her anyway and she proably won't care about being read by a DGS she never sees? it all sounds performative and fake because she has a big birthday coming up.

Barbarbarann · 06/06/2024 16:08

AdaColeman · 06/06/2024 16:05

I'd suggest Warning by Jenny Joseph.
It's not specifically about a grandmother or a birthday, but is about having fun and pleasing yourself in old age.
It isn't sentimental or soppy, it's not very long, it is amusing, so altogether a good choice for a teenager to recite.

She sounds as though she would agree with the theme of the poem!

I love this poem. Thank you.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 06/06/2024 16:19

Whatever poem you choose you need to face up to the fact that he has no relationship with her and is likely to feel pretty much indifferent. Don't be like my parents and take for granted he will feel some affinity for virtual strangers that just happen to share more DNA with him than the average person. Accept their relationship or lack thereof for what it is.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 06/06/2024 16:24

Don't be like my parents and take for granted he will feel some affinity for virtual strangers that just happen to share more DNA with him than the average person

DM would do that. 'But she's your FAMILY!' don't tell me, tell her. I learned from that there's no advantage to be had from running around after people who can't be arsed with you, shared DNA or not. Some people just like setting themselves up to be trampled on, though.

ThePassageOfTime · 06/06/2024 16:31

Barbarbarann · 06/06/2024 14:38

For those that say we shouldn't bother - it is about paying respects to his grandma because she is his elder and grandma. DS should treat her with respect regardless of her thoughtlessness over the years. That life lesson alone is worth looking for the right poem or perhaps making one up.

I love some of the suggested lines of poetry. I have a feeling we will be making one up with bits and pieces from here!

Disagree, you're teaching him to respect ppl who don't care about him, poor life lesson,

He owes her nothing, just sack it off

HappiestSleeping · 06/06/2024 16:37

What about Japanese haiku?
Happy Birthday Gran,
We do not see frequently,
I wish you much love.

Swipe left for the next trending thread