Pinning toddler down to brush his teeth

[holymacarones]

DS is 2 years and 8 months old. Over the past few months teeth brushing has became a traumatic experience (for us all), it doesn't matter whether it's me or his dad to do it he just won't cooperate. It's one thing I'm quite strict on because I never looked after my teeth growing up and regret this hugely as an adult. It's really like wresting a wild alligator. Making up silly songs used to sometimes used to work but absolutely nothing including bribery and offering rewards helps. He screams, wrestles, clamps his hands over his mouth and spits it out. Offering for him to do it himself doesn't work either.

I've been having to resort to pinning him down with great difficulty as he won't stay still and is wresting to get away but this is really upsetting for both him and me, I feel so guilty and sad that I've made him so upset, after tonight he was that upset he asked to go straight to bed without us doing a story and he loves a story before bed. He gets himself so worked up and despite being small he's so strong so it's actually really difficult to hold him down. Am I seriously traumatising him? I don't know what to do but I'm at my wits end with it and desperately looking for advice. He has no additional needs as I know it may be asked.

DP (his dad) works away during the week so by Thursday/Friday I can't cope with the ordeal anymore so leave all the brushing up to him but he's exactly the same.

Ds was similar at a slightly younger age - I used to put him in a headlock 😳. He'd shout 'Help! HELP! I STUCK!'

Not sure what my neighbour thought. But it was a non negotiable for me, teeth have to be cleaned!

I bought a toothbrush that buzzes and lights up (successful) and played the Elmo toothbrush video (not so successful). Ds is 8yo now and happily cleans his teeth twice a day, so I don't think he's too traumatised by it all.

Well he won't do it now can you take him to the dentist that might help

I would leave it for a bit then use bribery if you have too but no teeth is worth fighting over that will not suddenly make it all happen

It's a temporary phase but it feels huge and distressing right now. I remember the days well and mine now happily brush their teeth independently with proper adult toothpaste at age 6 and 8

A calm way to pin them down and leave your hands free is to use your legs to pin down their arms and legs while you sit facing them. I can't think of a way to describe it better sorry. Alternatively wrap them tightly in a towel.

We also had some success with playing the toothbrushing song on the ipad on YouTube (there's loads of versions available).

Would he like to go to the supermarket and pick out a character toothbrush?

I mean this after a break

Wrap him tightly in a towel

I’m not trying to be harsh here but to put it plainly, you should not be pinning him down ever. Ever ever. Yes it is traumatising for him. He’s still very little and the adults in his life should be showing him nothing but kindness and treating him with respect. You’re the grown up here and you must always remain in control of yourself.
I think you should speak to him and apologise tomorrow, and do it sincerely so that he understands that you were wrong and you’re sorry. You would never do that to an adult human so why is it ok just because he’s a child?

As for the toothbrushing, do you have a soft kids brush and children’s toothpaste? Adult toothpaste is too minty for little ones and will taste almost spicy.

These op. Means he can dk it easily himself.

I’m assuming you’ve tried letting him choose a toothbrush and toothpaste? You can buy toy dental sets that might help him find it more fun. There’s lots of apps that my kids like for teeth brushing. I’ve also let them brush my teeth and then I do it back.
Or change up the routine from when you currently do it, during his bath, straight after dinner etc as it can become a habit to make it into a battle.

Never pinned my children down for teeth brushing. Just gave them the brush and toothpaste,they did the squeezing and made a lot of mess . Didn’t clean their teeth properly but it was ok until old enough to reason with!They chose their toothbrush and it was a fun shopping trip for them,they also chose kiddy toothpaste.

I had the exact same thing. Every night was traumatic. Tried everything, letting him choose his own toothbrush, do it himself, rewards, and also restraining him. Nothing worked. It was so difficult so I completely sympathise.

I can't remember how long it lasted but it wasn't that long, just a very stressful phase! I don't think my son was that traumatised, he turned into a child quite who quite happily cleaned his teeth and I don't think he can remember it!

I don’t think it’s ok to pin him down at all and it sounds like it upsets both of you.

Im sure you’ve tried lots of things but just in case, how about-
—sticker chart
-brushing in the bath
-he gets to choose a fancy toothpaste
-he gets to do first then you “check” (in other words do it again)

Has he been to the dentist?

I do sympathise but try not to let your regrets about your own teeth make you do things you’ll regret with DS. I know it’s hard but the aim is for him to happily let you brush and in time to brush his own teeth. Getting very upset is not going to help with that.

I would stop pinning him down though as you could accidentally hurt him and you’re also adding to the issue by attaching negativity to the experience even when done with the best of intentions

Pinning down is fine for a toddler when you've tried reasoning. People really don't understand what trauma is.

Teeth must be cleaned.

like you I pinned mine down and did it. I tried lots of techniques but like others the light up toothbrush helped a bit, as did pretending I could see the food he’d eaten that day stuck on his teeth. Along the lines of

“oh goodness is that cucumber back there?? Did you eat cucumber today? Right I’ve brushed that away! Oh no I can’t believe it, there’s some chocolate there!”

repeat until all areas of the teeth were cleaned. This worked surprisingly well and he started to shout out foods he’d eaten that I might ‘see’ in his mouth.

other options might be ringing a dentists and briefing them on the problem and asking them to ham it up on your visit with questions like does he clean them nicely? Will he be a good boy and let mummy clean his teeth? They will give a sticker if he promises to clean them well.

if you do allow squash, or treats, next time he asks for some look sad and say no, you are silly when I clean your teeth and these foods are bad for teeth. I can only give you them if you behave nicely when I clean them. If he agrees let him have some but if he then cries and kicks off at teeth cleaning time explain there will be no more until he can have his teeth cleaned and stick to it. No more treats for a few days until you can try again and see if he can be a big boy.

make sure he sees you cleaning your teeth alongside a running commentry such as “I’m proud of myself remembering I need to clean my teeth in the morning. (Start brushing) oh my teeth feel nice and clean, I’m so glad I have gotten rid of the plaque on my teeth that would make my teeth hurt if I didn’t clean them” etc he may start to model the behaviour

This is a tricky stage but lots go through it ! After bath time wrap him up in a very large towel so his arms can't escape and then cradle him firmly like a baby , sometimes I would pretend I'm going to start brushing nostrils or ears if he refuses to open his mouth which would normally make him laugh .
We also tried reward chart with a big picture of a paw patrol toy attached that he could have if we filled the chart and that had abit of success .
They do get over this stage eventually!

Apologise for making sure his teeth are brushed? Something that’s absolutely non negotiable? Why on earth would the OP have anything to apologise for? I’m really interested to hear if you have children and how old they are.

OP, I have a 2 & a 3 year old. My 3 year old loves brushing their teeth, it’s probably their favourite part of our morning and night routine. My 2 year old on the other hand, absolutely hates it. He’ll scream bloody murder as soon as we start getting the toothbrushes it out.

To me, brushing your teeth is non negotiable at any age. I have my 2 year old on my lap and get him in some sort of loose headlock to restrain him and use that hand to open his jaw, whilst my other hand brushes his teeth. It was actually my 2 year olds Paediatrician that taught me that trick.

I don’t think resorting to bribery makes sense, brushing your teeth isn’t optional. Keep on talking to him, giving a lot of ‘we’re going to brush your teeth after you’ve finished playing’ and stick at it. Hopefully it’s just a phase that our children will grow out off. I watched a short clip on FB or YT recently where a 6 year old girl was getting the majority of her teeth pulled as they were fully rotten. I rather (safely) have my child in a loose headlock to get their teeth clean then their teeth rotting

Thank you! People don’t understand what trauma is at all

Can you make it fun, like get him to clean your teeth for you, do it at a different time, when he's just got up. And definitely tell him he can't have anything sweet at all if he's not cleaning them.

No it isnt

if I have to use bribery or pinning a child down I would take the former, yes my child just got on with it but not all children do and logically bribery makes no sense to me but if it minimises an aduly pinning a child down needs must

But people would be outraged if a care home pinned down elderly people / dementia patients for tooth brushing or other essential care. I think doing it to a toddler is just as bad.

Thank you for all the helpful responses! (Minus the ridiculous one which I will ignore).

He has a bath every other night and I do wrap him up in his towel for teeth brushing that night but the mornings and other evenings are more difficult however I could try the towel then anyway. I've caught him a few times where he's got my electric toothbrush out of my en suite and has been using it with no toothpaste on (gross I know) so we might possibly have a bit more luck with one of those but all of the ones I seen in the shops are for age 3+, do you think it would be ok to get him one at this age?

When I say bribery what I mean is telling him he can't have any sweet treats unless we brush his teeth or we can't go to the park/farm or wherever we had planned but in that moment he couldn't possibly care less. He's been to the dentist and I will always remind him that the dentist says we must keep brushing, he is a very stubborn boy!

Disagree. I am a 90s Mum .
A toddler is not mentally developed enough to reason with .
Choosing a toothbrush,toothpaste and regular trips to dentist worked for mine.
Forcing a toothbrush into their mouth is awful 😞

One problem with an electric toothbrush is it can damage teeth if they press too hard, not saying one is a bad idea but I would get one with a indicator of pressure and teach how to use it slowly

Does he have any favourite TV characters or toys you can make a game up about? My little one loves Thomas the tank, so I make up stories about his favourite characters being in his mouth and we are giving them a wash/ brushing off some soot etc. I have to do some prep and talk about the story for a few minutes first. My mum used to do the same with me but with carebears!