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Original poster

Pinning toddler down to brush his teeth

131 replies

holymacarones · 03/06/2024 22:42

DS is 2 years and 8 months old. Over the past few months teeth brushing has became a traumatic experience (for us all), it doesn't matter whether it's me or his dad to do it he just won't cooperate. It's one thing I'm quite strict on because I never looked after my teeth growing up and regret this hugely as an adult. It's really like wresting a wild alligator. Making up silly songs used to sometimes used to work but absolutely nothing including bribery and offering rewards helps. He screams, wrestles, clamps his hands over his mouth and spits it out. Offering for him to do it himself doesn't work either.

I've been having to resort to pinning him down with great difficulty as he won't stay still and is wresting to get away but this is really upsetting for both him and me, I feel so guilty and sad that I've made him so upset, after tonight he was that upset he asked to go straight to bed without us doing a story and he loves a story before bed. He gets himself so worked up and despite being small he's so strong so it's actually really difficult to hold him down. Am I seriously traumatising him? I don't know what to do but I'm at my wits end with it and desperately looking for advice. He has no additional needs as I know it may be asked.

DP (his dad) works away during the week so by Thursday/Friday I can't cope with the ordeal anymore so leave all the brushing up to him but he's exactly the same.

OP posts:
PleaseletitbeSpring · 04/06/2024 12:40

I had to pin all mine down and I'm a dentist. Toddlers are incapable of effectively brushing their teeth and it must be done. Now adult, none have suffered trauma and none have had any tooth decay.

CalmDownWithChocolate · 04/06/2024 12:51

PleaseletitbeSpring · 04/06/2024 12:40

I had to pin all mine down and I'm a dentist. Toddlers are incapable of effectively brushing their teeth and it must be done. Now adult, none have suffered trauma and none have had any tooth decay.

Precisely and they also lack the skills to make an informed decision re their dental care.

Cuppateatea · 04/06/2024 13:07

CheeseyOnionPie · 03/06/2024 22:50

I’m not trying to be harsh here but to put it plainly, you should not be pinning him down ever. Ever ever. Yes it is traumatising for him. He’s still very little and the adults in his life should be showing him nothing but kindness and treating him with respect. You’re the grown up here and you must always remain in control of yourself.
I think you should speak to him and apologise tomorrow, and do it sincerely so that he understands that you were wrong and you’re sorry. You would never do that to an adult human so why is it ok just because he’s a child?

As for the toothbrushing, do you have a soft kids brush and children’s toothpaste? Adult toothpaste is too minty for little ones and will taste almost spicy.

Apologise and do it sincerely!? Is this a joke - he is 2! Jeez I bet you think parents should ask permission from a baby to change their nappy.
He’s being a little monkey and needs his teeth cleaning. We had to pin down my 2 yo DS to get a splinter out of her finger once. Some things just need to be done!

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shufflestep · 04/06/2024 13:54

RockaLock · 04/06/2024 07:49

All these people saying you should never pin your toddler down.

You are probably fortunate enough never to have had to feed 30cm of a nasogastric feeding tube down your child's nose and throat on a weekly basis. Quite how I would have managed that with DS2 if he was not both tightly swaddled in a towel and held down by my mother, I don't know.

But clearly it would have been better for him not to have been fed before the age of 2 Hmm

No one likes pinning a toddler down to do anything, but sometimes it is necessary and for their own good (and no, my now 16yo DS2 is not traumatised by this. He doesn't remember it at all. Unfortunately I do remember it, but I wouldn't say the memory has ruined my life).

And teeth need to be brushed. I'm sure it would be far more traumatic for your child to have a load of rotten teeth pulled out.

This sums it up for all those people who think that you should never understand any circumstances pin a child down. I've had to pin DS2 down when he was younger to administer asthma medication - far less scary than being admitted to hospital and put on a nebuliser.

In the same line, being pinned down and your teeth brushed by a calm, loving parent is far less scary than fillings and tooth extractions!

EPN · 01/05/2025 21:19

I came on here to search for this problem having just lost a fight with my 3 year old to brush her teeth. I even showed her pictures of rotten teeth along with people brushing their teeth with nice teeth.... I mean to anyone going oh you pinned the poor child down how will they ever get over it.... probably easier than being the kid with the rotten teeth.... I'm gonna pin my mine down tomorrow!!! Teeth need fecking brushed!!!!

tigerlily9 · 01/05/2025 21:24

Temporaryname158 · 03/06/2024 22:59

Teeth must be cleaned.

like you I pinned mine down and did it. I tried lots of techniques but like others the light up toothbrush helped a bit, as did pretending I could see the food he’d eaten that day stuck on his teeth. Along the lines of

“oh goodness is that cucumber back there?? Did you eat cucumber today? Right I’ve brushed that away! Oh no I can’t believe it, there’s some chocolate there!”

repeat until all areas of the teeth were cleaned. This worked surprisingly well and he started to shout out foods he’d eaten that I might ‘see’ in his mouth.

other options might be ringing a dentists and briefing them on the problem and asking them to ham it up on your visit with questions like does he clean them nicely? Will he be a good boy and let mummy clean his teeth? They will give a sticker if he promises to clean them well.

if you do allow squash, or treats, next time he asks for some look sad and say no, you are silly when I clean your teeth and these foods are bad for teeth. I can only give you them if you behave nicely when I clean them. If he agrees let him have some but if he then cries and kicks off at teeth cleaning time explain there will be no more until he can have his teeth cleaned and stick to it. No more treats for a few days until you can try again and see if he can be a big boy.

make sure he sees you cleaning your teeth alongside a running commentry such as “I’m proud of myself remembering I need to clean my teeth in the morning. (Start brushing) oh my teeth feel nice and clean, I’m so glad I have gotten rid of the plaque on my teeth that would make my teeth hurt if I didn’t clean them” etc he may start to model the behaviour

This- let him see you and Dad brushing your own teeth. I would also get other parent to check and award a sticker to get him to understand the point of the sticker chart.
make achievable targets and sensible rewards! 3 stickers in a week gets to chose gets to chose extra bedtime story/ CBeebies program or something. Next week 4 stickers then so on

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