Pinning toddler down to brush his teeth

[holymacarones]

DS is 2 years and 8 months old. Over the past few months teeth brushing has became a traumatic experience (for us all), it doesn't matter whether it's me or his dad to do it he just won't cooperate. It's one thing I'm quite strict on because I never looked after my teeth growing up and regret this hugely as an adult. It's really like wresting a wild alligator. Making up silly songs used to sometimes used to work but absolutely nothing including bribery and offering rewards helps. He screams, wrestles, clamps his hands over his mouth and spits it out. Offering for him to do it himself doesn't work either.

I've been having to resort to pinning him down with great difficulty as he won't stay still and is wresting to get away but this is really upsetting for both him and me, I feel so guilty and sad that I've made him so upset, after tonight he was that upset he asked to go straight to bed without us doing a story and he loves a story before bed. He gets himself so worked up and despite being small he's so strong so it's actually really difficult to hold him down. Am I seriously traumatising him? I don't know what to do but I'm at my wits end with it and desperately looking for advice. He has no additional needs as I know it may be asked.

DP (his dad) works away during the week so by Thursday/Friday I can't cope with the ordeal anymore so leave all the brushing up to him but he's exactly the same.

https://www.boots.com/brush-baby-babysonic-electric-toothbrush-blue-10243854?cm_mmc=bmm-buk-google-ppc--PLAs_HeroCompare---_-PMax:+UK_Smart_Shopping_Baby&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIlpS0nMXBhgMVYZNQBh3p2wjuEAQYASABEgIcVvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Baby electric toothbrush

So just leave dementia patients covered in their own excrement until this skin is bleeding and they’re in excruciating pain? And when their family come to visit just say awk well they didn’t want changed? Awk well then.

yes of course you do absolutely everything you can do first and “pinning them down” doesn’t need to be aggressive. Someone to hold their hand, talk to them, reassure them, be warm and kind, but ultimately as you say that type of care is “essential” and needs done.

https://www.oralb.co.uk/en-gb/product-collections/disney-magic-timer-app

It could be a sensory issue for him?
I had exactly the same with my DS, the dentist recommended a sensory toothbrush and it’s been a game changer. I’ve linked below.
Try the different flavours of toothpaste too as sometimes, they just don’t like the one that is being used.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dr-Barmans-Super-Compact-Junior-Toothbrush/dp/B0012L3WHE/ref=asc_df_B0012L3WHE/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310706989641&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13106448523992290232&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9046247&hvtargid=pla-362494949274&psc=1&mcid=7fa77d3a1ae23df9b1b5e17912562fbd

God it's so hard, I've done this a couple of times and I felt terrible about it, it's definitely a last resort.

Things you can try;

• Fruit toothpaste (like strawberry instead of mint)
• Electric tooth brush
• They brush your teeth or teddy's teeth whilst you brush theirs
• a short YouTube clip like the Hey Duggee toothbrush song
• books about why it's important to look after your teeth, my daughter likes the topsy & Tim one about going to the dentist
• a timer or counting to 15 each section of the mouth you brush
• pretend there is a germ monster in their mouth and your going to get it (this one has proved very v popular)

We had struggles for a long time every morning and every evening, but we have consistently brushed, I think when my daughter was your son's age was the hardest. She's 3 now and she's fine with it, it's not the battle it was

It's tricky.

Yes I agree with children having bodily autonomy - to a point.

This is beyond that point, like washing and getting dressed, taking necessary medication.

I think this is a battle you have to win - he's just trying to see at the moment if you will cave in.

Yes to choosing brushes, singing, playing games, reading stories about it - but for some children it's an out and out battle.

I would always given him a choice - he can brush his teeth or I can brush them.
Keep calm and keep repeating it. Every day he has the choice again - don't assume he won't co-operate, set up co-operation 'it's toothbrushing time -do you want to put the paste on?'

Role model it with brushing your teeth and him copying? (hopeful!) You could try a picture board for the morning evening with necessary tasks on it to demonstrate visually that toothbrushing is a daily thing.

If you have to brush them and he fights you, try and keep very calm saying 'I need to brush your teeth and I need you to stay still so I don't hurt you. Please stay still.

Keep focusing on what you are doing (that he likes hopefully) after his teeth are brushed. 'Once we've done this, we can read a story/play a game' - it needs to be immediate rather than in the future.

I hope the phase passes quickly.

I'd rather 'traumatise' my child then let their teeth rot or send them to nursery with bad breath. During that phase, I'd only force it once per day and didn't go the whole 2 mins. But it's basic hygiene that can't just be left for days / weeks / months. I feel so sorry for the kids with rotten teeth. Imagine explaining to the dentist that you just don't brush them because the child doesn't want to.....

Have you taken them to the dentist yet? If not try find a really good paediatric dentist, it’s worth going private in this instance, and let them talk to them about teeth cleaning etc. I find my child is far more compliant for other people! Mine wasn’t so keen but after a trip to the dentists, being given loads of encouragement (and stickers) from them they seemed to get it.

@Nopetynoppy "Disagree. I am a 90s Mum .
A toddler is not mentally developed enough to reason with .
Choosing a toothbrush,toothpaste and regular trips to dentist worked for mine.
Forcing a toothbrush into their mouth is awful"

What would you have done if those things hadn't worked for your child?

Do you actually think it's helpful to say "well the things that aren't working for you worked for me 🤷‍♀️"?

What would be "traumatising" would be for a child's teeth to be so rotten by the time they start school that no other child wants to play with them. We had a boy like that when I was in primary school, his teeth were so badly rotten you could smell it. Nobody wanted to be friends with him. Are you suggesting the OP let that happen?

They have to do their teeth so I have pinned down my daughter and done them as carefully as I can while still being as kind as I can possibly be. The phase passed eventually and she now does them willingly. I know it's awful but it needs to be done - the same way many kids are forced under general aesthetic everyday for required surgeries!

Thank you all so much for the suggestions. I'd never seen or heard of the hey duggee toothbrush song but tried it this morning and he opened up and allowed me to brush (after about 7 seconds he said he was finished but didn't fight too much when I said we had some more to clean)! (Previous videos I had tried he wasn't interested in). No tears which is amazing and then I let him watch another 5 mins while I got him dressed for nursery which saved me chasing him down and him refusing to get his clothes on or hair brushed. I was also telling him I could see bits of cheese and that I was brushing them away, he's obsessed with cheese so I think this also helped. His breath stinks on a morning before I brush them so there's no way I could send him into nursery without brushing. I'm going to try the Disney app aswell that has been mentioned as I know the novelty of the hey duggee song will wear off.

The advice from dentists is to pin them down of they won't cooperate and to be honest, brushing teeth is non negotiable.

My two kids needed to be bribed, silly songs, threatened and pinned down. Both survived and my ds who is twenty has beautiful white teeth and even bought his own tooth cleaning set with a pick, scraper and mirror. He takes good care of himself now.

18 month dd is ok with it, so far so good. You just have to persevere. It's a shit job.

Not brushing a child's teeth absolutely would lead to cavities, tooth loss and gum disease and you'd be done for child neglect.

Your child WILL NOT thank you for that and imagine saying "well you didn't like having your teeth brushed and I didn't want to force you".

Nonsense crap parenting

But people would be outraged if a care home pinned down elderly people / dementia patients for tooth brushing or other essential care. I think doing it to a toddler is just as bad.

No.

A stranger fighting your frail grandfather is not equal to a parent ensuring their child has adequate dental hygiene.

DS has to do lots of things he doesn't like. He has to be strapped into the pushchair, have his hand held, and brush his teeth.

Restraining a child is not abuse. Allowing their teeth to be in poor condition is (neglect).

So happy this worked! There’s a couple of Storybots songs about brushing teeth that also worked for us if the novelty wears off.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hS0-gtvwYpM

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-aY18vhaiNo

used to have to pin mine down too, its a lot less "trauma" than a tooth abscess😀

My DD has always struggled with tooth brushing, even at 6 she doesn't like it but now knows she needs to do it so is bearable. Sadly the only flavour toothpaste she now likes is watermelon which I have to order and costs a fortune but needs must.

I used a baby electric toothbrush for a while which helped a bit, the toothpaste by the same company was apple flavoured which she actually liked. She never got on with the strawberry flavour and mint is obviously too spicy. brush-baby BabySonic Electric Toothbrush Pink www.boots.com/brush-baby-babysonic-electric-toothbrush-pink-10243852

We also got a semicircle one from Amazon which I used to put toothpaste on then she could chew. I'm sure it doesn't clean as well as a normal brush but the dentist reassured me that getting toothpaste on was the main battle. She quite liked this one and let me move it side to side for a bit of a scrub.

The duggee tooth brushing song still works.

When it got really bad I'd show her pictures of kids rotten teeth. This seemed to have the biggest impact but felt pretty extreme!

OP, youtube "twenty times time" from Lazy Town. It's the song I used to sing my children and still know it off by heart!

Honestly, all the people saying they would never pin their child down and that it’s “abusive”, I can almost guarantee (hope) that you absolutely would if your child needed important medication or antibiotics, to get them in the car seat, grab their hand to cross the road against protests. So the fact that you would do it for all those things but not tooth brushing is one of the reasons we have such bad dental health in this country and children having extractions at age 5. People think tooth brushing is optional and negotiable. It’s not

I pinned my eldest down and my youngest if needed (he was more passive) both just accept it without argument now.

I have a nephew who had several teeth removed at 9 under a general because they were rotten and others filled, I don’t think it’s a kindness to yank their teeth from their head and experience the pain of rotting teeth rather than just get brushing over and done with.

You echoed what I said. Tooth brushing isn’t optional - totally agree, it’s not some sort of kindness to skip it.

Another dense post.

Two of my three kids would not cooperate with teeth cleaning. We used kids toothbrushes, toothpaste, all manner of different apps, stickers etc. to try and get them to willingly brush teeth and they wouldn't. So they were wrapped in a towel and it was done for them. Can't deny it wasn't particularly nice but it needs to be done.

If you think it's more traumatising at 2 to have this happen than to have to have teeth removed, or just painful teeth when they're of an age to actually remember it, then you're deluded. It's not a kindness to just let teeth rot because you believe that making a child do something they don't want to is always bad.

PS - my children are 12 and 15 now. They all brush their teeth without complaint. None of them remember the 'trauma' of being a toddler having their teeth brushed, even if I do.

Next time I am at the dentist I will ask the dentist if it is advisable to pin a child down to clean their teeth

And I presume crap kids are drinking and eating may play a part in needing teeth removed

I wonder if these nonsensical and obtuse comments are from HQ lol

On every benign topic there is always ONE person who has to have some opinion nobody holds in real life

Maybe to keep threads going. Because it's like clockwork.

Imagine having an opinion on a child being made to brush their teeth - it actually gets on my nerves these kinds of ""opinions""