Pinning toddler down to brush his teeth

[holymacarones]

DS is 2 years and 8 months old. Over the past few months teeth brushing has became a traumatic experience (for us all), it doesn't matter whether it's me or his dad to do it he just won't cooperate. It's one thing I'm quite strict on because I never looked after my teeth growing up and regret this hugely as an adult. It's really like wresting a wild alligator. Making up silly songs used to sometimes used to work but absolutely nothing including bribery and offering rewards helps. He screams, wrestles, clamps his hands over his mouth and spits it out. Offering for him to do it himself doesn't work either.

I've been having to resort to pinning him down with great difficulty as he won't stay still and is wresting to get away but this is really upsetting for both him and me, I feel so guilty and sad that I've made him so upset, after tonight he was that upset he asked to go straight to bed without us doing a story and he loves a story before bed. He gets himself so worked up and despite being small he's so strong so it's actually really difficult to hold him down. Am I seriously traumatising him? I don't know what to do but I'm at my wits end with it and desperately looking for advice. He has no additional needs as I know it may be asked.

DP (his dad) works away during the week so by Thursday/Friday I can't cope with the ordeal anymore so leave all the brushing up to him but he's exactly the same.

I’d be careful with leaving it. When our first DS was a similar age, we went through the same thing and left it for a few days- within those few days his gums started bleeding and we were told by the dentist that we shouldn’t have left it and to pin him if necessary. After that we did pin him- he’s 7 now and isn’t traumatised by it at all! Teeth are non negotiable so we do whatever is needed to get them done. We also have success with DS2 with the pretending we can see what they’ve eaten that day and pretending we’re trying to brush away a monkey we can see in his mouth which makes him laugh.

Leave your toddler to brush his own teeth. When it’s your turn in the morning, get your dp to brush your teeth for you and make sure he pins you down in the process. Have a think…

This sounds so stressful can you just give up for a month and try again after that?

If I had to pin my toddler down every day to brush his teeth I think I'd pop a vein. He's the kind of kid who'd probaly bash his head on the floor trying to get away so not worth it for me. The teeth will fall out and be replaced.

I was one of the terrible parents that pinned. My child was never convinced by the nice toothbrush that he chose, the strawberry toothpaste, the nice reasoning and the friendly games. It’s too much for something that needs to be done twice a day. I can’t remember when it stopped but he’s fine with doing his teeth now and does a good job. His younger brother, who we didn’t have to pin down is very lackadaisical about doing his teeth, he constantly needs reminding and does the bare minimum.

Try everything else eg silly songs etc but at the end of the day teeth have to be brushed so pin if needed and just get it done. Wrap in a nice big towel after bath, cheerful voice and do it gently, lots of praise after. I find when they cry you can get a nice good brush of them anyway. I think your tone is important - I think people imagine it to be you being aggressive but it can be done very kindly with lots of explaining. I always say to mine ‘look at your lovely white teeth! Mummy has to brush them to keep them so nice! The dentist will love seeing how well you’ve kept your teeth! Well done! Such a good boy!’

Children often have to do things they don’t want to do for their health eg injections. You try all the other methods but at the end of the day you’d be a worse parent for not getting it done. You can do these things firmly but with lots of praise and cuddles too.

We always tried everything else first, but if all else failed pinned them. I think we went through the stage of having to do it for 2 out of 3, it felt like it went on forever for with hindsight it was a short lived stage that both outgrew.

DC1 has hypmermineralisation of his baby teeth that meant he got his first filling age 2. If you've ever had a child crying with toothache, or had to hold them still at the dentist for a filling, pinning them down for teeth cleaning for 2 minutes really is the lesser of two evils. Young children don't have the mental capability to made reasoned decisions about long term trade offs on things that can have serious implications for their health, I see it as my responsibility as a parent to protect them from poor decision making.

If I reach the stage of old age where I lose the capability to understand short term discomfort for long term gain, I actually very much hope those who care for me do make decisions that have my long term well being at their heart.

I honestly think I'd brush them once a day, I think that's enough, and I'd spend a long time persuading him and putting TV on at the time time etc and I'd probably use a wet muslin and toothpaste or something gentler for a while in case he's having some sort of sensory aversion to the toothbrush. It sounds so tricky. I don't know what I would do if that didn't work as I really couldn't pin a child down.

So what do you suggest? Cuddles and chats? And if that doesn’t work? OP has said he son is a stubborn little so and so and reasoning doesn’t work. At the end of the day he meeds to clean his teeth or they will rot.

All these people saying "just leave it" - how long for? A week? A month? Until the teeth rot and need to be taken out under general anaesthetic in hospital?

And get tooth decay in the process?

I have to pin my 4 year old down to give him medicine- it’s not ideal but neither is a fever so 🤷‍♀️ he doesn’t love having his teeth brushed either. We used to put blippis’ tooth brushing song on our phones, it’s really annoying but he loved it! Now I’m having some success by asking can you say eeeee!!! Say ooooo!! Which he thinks is hilarious and makes him open his mouth enough to get all his teeth.

Get him to go with you to choose a toothbrush and toothpaste.
There's so many ranges of toothbrushes, my dc used to love the novelty toothbrushes with suction bottoms on them and then moved onto toothbrushes with animal head cases to cover the bristles and then the novelty of having a fake elec toothbrush too (they just vibrate)

Toothpastes if he's hesitant with mint toothpaste there are bubblegram and strawberry flavours.
We currently use a natural toothpaste here suitable for all ages and it's raspberry mint flavour

nothing worked for us until i let him watch the peppa pig toothbrushing song video on my phone while i brush them.. now he actually looks forward to it. i know its probably not the best way but it gets the job done and if i dont have to pin him down i can get a better look at his teeth!

For those saying just leave him/ let him brush his own teeth. How long would you do that? Because I would rather try all the other tactics first (songs, game etc) and then briefly but firmly brush their teeth for them than end up them having to be put to sleep, baby teeth extracted and in awful pain due to decay. It’s neglect.

What would you do if they refused to have their vaccinations/medicine/wash when they needed etc? Say it’s ok you don’t have to!? There are times, when children have to do things they don’t want to do. I just say sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do. But we still have to do it. Both mine went through not liking having their own teeth brushed and I did have to hold them firmly to do it. Guess what … they both willingly let me do it now, laugh whilst we ‘find’ things in their mouths to clean and are in no way traumatised by it!

My little boy was quite similar at that age. The only thing that worked for us was a ‘Hey Duggee’ toothbrush timer. They sing for two minutes and he soon got distracted. One side is even about washing hands! In fact, he still loves using it now, even though he doesn’t watch Duggee anymore! Got ours v cheap on Vinted - crazy money in the supermarket! Good luck 🤞

Both of mine have hated teeth brushing until around 3 when it started to improve, I never felt happy to pin them down and they'd only clamp their mouth shut so don't see how I could brush anyway. when I told the dentist the difficulties they just said keep trying and don't force it. Both (so far) have lovely teeth and that battle has mostly gone. We tried flashing toothbrushes. One brush each, the Elmo and pink fong tooth brushing song, finding animals hiding in the mouth and just switched it up as often as needed. Some days were rubbish but we tried regardless and eventually it got easier for both.

Only thing that worked for me was putting a silly high pitched voice on and making the toothbrush dance. The toothbrush would threaten to brush his nose, be really cheeky to mum, sneeze on him (or mum) and he'd be laughing his head off. The toothbrush would shout weeeeeeeee as I was brushing. I felt stupid as hell but it meant we didn't have to pin. We also watched a kids you tube video where bacteria hacked teeth with axes but brushing got rid of the bacteria.

Those who would never pin their children down - are your children unvaccinated? Because my three year old has never fought me like she fought me not to have the second pre-school vaccine.

If there's another way to get kids to brush their teeth, that's great. As it happens I've never needed to pin down either of mine for toothbrushing (yet). But I'm not arrogant enough to think that's because of my amazing parenting.

At one point DD1 and I used to have a competition for who could say "Ahhh," and make it last the longest, while I was doing her teeth.

I had issues with my older 2. Not once did I pin them down. I can’t believe people say it’s ok to do this. An adult using their strength to restrain and hold down a toddler? It’s horrid. 2 year olds are unreasonable I’d just keep pushing your agenda and take away the sweets and treats. A day out being cancelled makes no sense to me either.

I had to do the same with my now 25 year old.
He hasn't suffered any 'trauma' as a result and has beautiful white teeth.
Be the parent/ adult.

With my 16mo, having two toothbrushes helps- one for him to hold and chew and one for me to brush with

When everything else has failed then you just have to hold them down and do a quick brush. It's not fun, but tooth decay is less fun.

I'm not saying they're bad suggestions but most of us who get to the point of pinning them down have very well tried songs and toothpaste and toothbrushes. A toddler who needs pinning down isn't likely going to go out and buy a Spider-Man brush and brush his teeth with no fuss forever more. How could we not have thought of it sooner?

I think they're all perfectly good suggestions, when they're being presented as suggestions, but some of the tones of "don't pin him dow! just sing a song" as if it's never occurred to OP make me think they didn't have such stubborn toddlers.

I wrestled (no pun intended) a lot with what I should do. Pinning him is quick and although he cries at first, he smiles when we are done and applauds himself. DH picks him up and holds him in his arms, facing him forwards. DH's arms go over DS' arms, pinning them down and then I brush his teeth as quickly as I can.

I'm not willing to leave them unbrushed or let him do it himself.

I am not a "deal with it" kind of parent generally. Never sleep trained. Never been left crying for more than a few seconds. His feelings get validated constantly. Tantrums are treated with firm boundaries but patience for his big feelings. And while he's getting his teeth brushed I speak with him and sympathise and try to explain why.

When it comes to health stuff, like getting vaccinations or brushing his teeth it simply has to be done. I do not enjoy pinning him down but I won't let his teeth rot.

If your parents told you they'd pinned you down as a child because you wouldn't brush your teeth would you really be angry with them? Because I wouldn't! I would say good! I'm glad my teeth got brushed.

What about if they didn't vaccinate you because when you got to the doctors you said you didn't want to? Would you really thank them for respecting your feelings?

Surely every parent has a line where, if all else failed they would have to pin their child down to get something done. You might disagree that toothbrushing is worth that but I can't believe parents saying you should never do it.

When youve tried literally everything, wrapping in a towel and getting it done quickly, with lots of praise, and then afterwards cuddles and talking about why we have to brush our teeth every day and how important it is is entirely justified. For us it comes and goes in phases, for months will be fine and she will be perfectly happy doing it, then for a few weeks it will become a battle again. It will pass eventually! Solidarity.