Pinning toddler down to brush his teeth

[holymacarones]

DS is 2 years and 8 months old. Over the past few months teeth brushing has became a traumatic experience (for us all), it doesn't matter whether it's me or his dad to do it he just won't cooperate. It's one thing I'm quite strict on because I never looked after my teeth growing up and regret this hugely as an adult. It's really like wresting a wild alligator. Making up silly songs used to sometimes used to work but absolutely nothing including bribery and offering rewards helps. He screams, wrestles, clamps his hands over his mouth and spits it out. Offering for him to do it himself doesn't work either.

I've been having to resort to pinning him down with great difficulty as he won't stay still and is wresting to get away but this is really upsetting for both him and me, I feel so guilty and sad that I've made him so upset, after tonight he was that upset he asked to go straight to bed without us doing a story and he loves a story before bed. He gets himself so worked up and despite being small he's so strong so it's actually really difficult to hold him down. Am I seriously traumatising him? I don't know what to do but I'm at my wits end with it and desperately looking for advice. He has no additional needs as I know it may be asked.

DP (his dad) works away during the week so by Thursday/Friday I can't cope with the ordeal anymore so leave all the brushing up to him but he's exactly the same.

@holymacarones definitely get the battery toothbrush. Take him to choose it, then I'd suggest buying a selection of tooth pastes and letting him try them all out til he finds one that's not terrible for him. At this stage, use a really small amount.

Pop a reward chart up (we had about 6 things, Inc toothbrushing) And praise praise praise. Also, don't be too worried about how long he brushes for, I mean if its not as long as you'd hope. If he'll go fir it, let him have a brush then you "finish it off" for him.

Good luck!

Yeah i have to do this..i do it in a tight hug . Facing her forward and cuddle from behind and sing a toothbrush song 😅 she kicks up initially then relaxes. At first it was a right fight but after the months think shes giving up fighting. I also tried different toothpastes (some have different flavours and tbh if it makes it easier its worth it)

I tried the other approaches, gentle, songs, play. Nothing worked and her teeth started going yellow and plaque, i would rather 5mins of feeling awful and a tantrum then taking her to get teeth pulled out.

With my ds1 I used to sit him facing away with one arm round his arms and so in a minor headlock... even if it was a 20 second brushing it was better than nothing. He's an adult now, and has good teeth and does not remotely remember me pinning him down.
Luckily my dgs (just 3) is generally ok with it, but he's been through the same phase, and his Mum and I both use the lap hold and brush.

I can't believe people would leave it in case of 'causing trauma'. It's basic essential health care, same as bathing and vaccinations. I've worked with children in deprived social settings who have not had a decent brushing routine, and believe me having lots of teeth removed by age 4 is FAR more traumatic.

Some things for a toddler, can and should be negotiable.. choice of clothing, reasonable choice over food etc. Hygiene is not up to them!

When bedtime story is finished and milk is done, I get up without warning, leave the room, then return with a hat on saying “Mr (DC name)? Please come through to the dentist” then run to the bathroom and proceed to be the dentist doing a funny voice and nearly dropping everything, asking him if it’s his ears I should brush as I’ve forgotten all my training etc. he LOVES it and laughs so much he doesn’t even realise I’ve brushed his teeth! It’s actually quite fun for both of us!

I pinned my toddler down too. I was absolutely determined that she was not going to suffer in the dentists chair like I did.
Shes 42 now, remembers none of it. She has perfect teeth, not one filling. Mission accomplished.

This might sound random and apols if anyone has mentioned as i haven't read all of the replies..

My kids got obsessed with some you tube colgate videos about tooth defenders. They look like they are from years ago but it's basically some sort of good v evil cartoon with tooth defenders v plaque monsters. It really helped when it came to getting them incentised

What worked for us was the Hey Duggee Tooth Brushing Song video on my phone, he got to brush my teeth first (I got a baby toothbrush specifically for me so he wasn’t smashing around my mouth with my electric toothbrush 😂) then played the video again and I did his teeth. He’s 7 now and does it himself without even being reminded - you’ll get through this!

All these people saying you should never pin your toddler down.

You are probably fortunate enough never to have had to feed 30cm of a nasogastric feeding tube down your child's nose and throat on a weekly basis. Quite how I would have managed that with DS2 if he was not both tightly swaddled in a towel and held down by my mother, I don't know.

But clearly it would have been better for him not to have been fed before the age of 2

No one likes pinning a toddler down to do anything, but sometimes it is necessary and for their own good (and no, my now 16yo DS2 is not traumatised by this. He doesn't remember it at all. Unfortunately I do remember it, but I wouldn't say the memory has ruined my life).

And teeth need to be brushed. I'm sure it would be far more traumatic for your child to have a load of rotten teeth pulled out.

@stinkylionita well for me the Spiderman toothbrush turned my toddler who needed to be pinned down into one who happily let me brush his teeth 🤷🏼‍♀️

We had similar issues, so used to let DD watch a couple minutes of a program on my phone lying down. Not ideal but not pinning her down. She got over it after a few months and now is happy for us just to do it.

Ok I apologise for using "not likely". I should have really said "not guaranteed" as I do not have statistics to present. It did not work with mine but I am glad it did with yours.

I had no issue with your post and thought it was helpful. You sympathised and suggested some things that worked for you which the op could take or leave.

I was taking issue with posters who were presenting these suggestions in a way that they were the obvious solution that OP must not have tried because if she did obviously they'd have fixed it.

It's as if some assume she's jumped straight to pinning her child down for fun without acknowledgment that if these ideas don't work, you're left with pinning or neglecting to brush.

I see how mentioning Spider-Man looked like I was targeting your post specifically though so sorry to use that suggestion as an example even though you weren't one of the posters I was referring to. It was only in my head because mine likes Spider-Man too.

Love this!

At 8, DS1 missed most of his sibling's birthday party in a dispute over toothbrushing. By the time I got to the venue after 90 very dramatic minutes, they were ready to serve the food (DS2 and DH went ahead seperately)

He wouldn't have teeth or gums left if I hadn't been insistent over the years. In his case Sensory Processing Disorder is involved, but that wasn't clear in the toddler years. Distraction/ diversion techniques tended to aggravate by adding more sensory input and overwhelm to the situation.

At 13 he still uses strawberry toothpaste and is finally actually brushing independently in the last couple of years... when heavily prompted. He's still a sod at weekends/ holidays, particularly if not leaving the house.

Parents don't want to get heavy handed, but when no soft touch strategies are working, do you let the child come to lasting harm by letting their teeth go rotten?

Someone asked upthread about older people in care- the consequence of neglected teeth at the late stages of life is not a further 70-80 years of poor dental health which is what children face. DM was sloppy on dental care and didn't register with a new dentist for years after moving house with the end result of me having a crappy half-tooth that's cost me £££ to keep its remains in tact over the past 30 years because it wasn't managed in a timely fashion.
I want better for my children.

Some children find the taste or frothiness if toothpaste horrible.

Oranurse is less foaming, no flavour. It helped us.

Not sure if it's been mentioned but the Ms Rachel Brush your teeth song is a fav here.

My son is a year younger. The dentist said that if he is allowing you to put the tooth brush in his mouth, or doing it himself it's going well at this point. DS just chews on the brush normally with a bit of direction.

No way could I pin him down to do it, I really think that would make him less likely to want to brush them

My eldest was like this. We'd both end up in tears. After struggling for a couple of weeks. He hated it, brushing his teeth from the minute his first tooth appeared.

I started giving him a toothbrush to play with in the bath.

He then automatically started chewing and played at brushing his teeth. Brilliant.

We also started turn based games around the same time. Your turn, mummy's turn, etc.

I got a stick on tub mirror, which I stuck to the tiles, and he would have his turn burnishing his teeth, and then I'd have mine. Worked great as bathtime fun.

I'd highly recommend giving him his toothbrush with no expectations and see what he does. Follow his lead.

Now had a second who I've done similar with but from much earlier and not a single issue (so far). Might be something in giving them a little independence, or I've just kicked out this time around.

I had this with my 2 year old DS. I think we've brought about 6/7 different tooth brushes and god knows how many different toothpastes. Tried loads of different apps/songs etc. I spoke to the dentist about it and she said not to overly worry at this stage and not to push too hard with it. Do what you can. It should just sort itself out. Which, it finally has, he's claimed my electric toothbrush and he likes to lay on the landing while I brush them first, then he does it himself, while I sing songs in ridiculous voices, but it works. We've also done what PP said, let him brush my teeth as well which he thought was hilarious. Good luck OP!

Well at the risk of sounding heartless, elderly people with dementia are at the end of their lives. Toddlers are just starting theirs and refusing things like teeth cleaning could cause them lifelong problems. There’s really isn’t a comparison.

I guess you can make teeth brushing a fun moment of the day or a miserable one with arms wrapped in a towel and tears. If it were me I would leave it for a day or two and then come back to it with a more positive attitude. We had two germs that we would look for, I think their names were "Georgie and Bertie", and when we brushed dd's teeth we would "find" them in her mouth. When she'd spit we'd say "Ooh, who's that? I think it's Bertie! Bye Bertie! Down the drain you go! See you tomorrow morning!"

This happened with my youngest, except her problem was she made herself violently sick after eating half a tube of toothpaste so wouldn’t go near the stuff after. We tried various things. For me the brushing was the important part. She’d happily brush with no toothpaste. I couldn’t pin her down DH had to do it but we eventually picked our battles. She’d brush with a toothbrush was happy to get new brushes and eventually got better at agreeing different toothpastes. She’s 6 now and if we ask her to do her own teeth she’d do it with no toothpaste. But with supervision she will choose a fruit flavoured one. She’s also happy to use the Wonka chocolate toothpaste. We have an array of different toothpastes so it’s kind fun for her to decide what she wants to use that day.

She got a real scare recently seeing me in agony and needing the emergency dentist. I have a mouth full of fillings, she’s seen these and knows it’s because I never looked after my teeth when little. She saw how much pain I was in recently and I told her it was because I never brushed my teeth properly when I was little. We’ve not had one refusal since.

Clearly you have never had a toddler who refuses nappy changes, should I leave a poo on my 13 month old for hours, leaving his skin red raw and painful because he doesn’t want to cooperate? No of course not that would be neglect. As would letting a toddlers teeth rot, become decayed and painful and potentially infected. Toddlers and young children by nature sometimes just don’t know what’s good for them and it’s our jobs to decide the things to let slide and the things that can’t.

Do all the things that are advised, let him pick his own toothbrush, let him pick a video to watch and hold on your phone, rewards and stickers, bribery etc etc but ultimately if it doesn’t work, he still needs his teeth brushed. Stay calm, no aggression, reassure and be warm during it “I know son, it will only be a minute, you’re doing a great job, all done!!!” Lots of cuddles after and a big sticker for being so clever.

might get slated for this but when my DD went through this stage I sat her down and explained her teeth will go black and will get sore if we don’t clean all the sweet treats off her teeth, I showed her pictures of children with rotten teeth. DH was a bit annoyed with me and said I had frightened her but do you know what? It worked and she now brushes them with no argument. She’s certainly not traumatised. Being pinned down in a dentist having fillings or teeth extractions, that’s traumatising!

I was going to comment but this sums up everything I did, so no need 😂It was a fairly short phase but oh so painful while it was going on.

But yes, quick answer - I did pin him down, because teeth need to be brushed. I had absolutely no intention of him being one of those poor kids getting dental work done on their baby teeth - way to make them scared of the dentist early on. There are some useful Youtube videos on how to do it gently using your legs.

He's now 5 and doesn't mind teeth brushing at all. I let him have a go on his own then finish off myself to make sure everything has been brushed. Doesn't appear to remember being pinned down age 2. (He also doesn't remember being held down to do Covid tests age 2, which was also absolutely necessary because he had to go back to nursery so we could work.)

Yes to this! We had to wrap our baby in a towel and squirt medication into his cheek, which he needed, because he wouldn’t accept it. Brushing teeth is also a medical need and it’s your duty as a parent to make that happen.

And I’ve found prolonging the agony just makes it worse, so my advice is: set a timer with a loud buzz, say ‘one minute then a treat’, sit on him if you have to, and get on with it.

I’d also use physical force to get a safety belt on.

My child is absolutely fine with brushing teeth now, at 6. But I’d be furiously guilty if he had fillings in his milk teeth because of my negligence.

Try positive reinforcement instead of negative punishment. What you are doing is not bribery it’s just threats. I don’t think a toddler cares about a farm trip in the distant future… try an instant reward like a sticker.

With my older child we used the oral B disney magic app. It’s free, it’s a timer and afterwards they get a virtual sticker. She was excited to collect stickers and likes rhe different themes (they have superheroes too). Our dentist recommended it and it worked well.