Staying at a friends house - it’s filthy

[Wellthisisshitty]

We are driving across the country for a short trip and a friend who I’ve not seen in a few years asked if we’d like to come and stay to break up the journey there. Her husband is away for work for a few days, mine is at home working so it was a no brainer.

We used to live in the same area, both moved away a few years ago so I jumped at it. Thought it would be lovely to spend the day/night with her and her children, all same age as mine, older two went to school together when they were small.

We arrived an hour ago and I could cry. It’s like something out of those hoarders programs and it honestly smells like something has died in here. The smell hit me as soon as she opened the door and it got worse as I headed to the kitchen/bathroom. The sofas are encrusted with food/first and covered with clothes, food, toys. Flies everywhere, cat shit overflowing litter trays.

Shes given me and my toddler her room for the night, just put our bags up there and you can’t even walk to the bed. Shit all over the bed and the floor and god, the smell. Bathrooms are piled high. my other children are supposed to be sleeping in her children’s rooms but again, piled high.

I feel awful saying this, but I don’t know if I can stay here. She said she would cook, but I am standing in her kitchen and there is just mould on everything. I’m sticking taking us all out to a carvery on my credit card as a thank you, I can’t eat here.

I don’t care if I sound awful by the way. It’s not just a bit of dirt and mess.

The point is we don't know how bad it is but from what we do know an assessment needs to at least be made! Can't just ignore it.

Do you have any idea how many children have gone blind from dog poo in parks? To suggest its "harmless" is dangerous and wrong.

How many? Genuinely interested

"Over 100 cases of partial blindness in children are seen every year due to toxocara canis eggs in faeces. Cleaning up after dogs and regular de-worming programme can help bring this number down."

https://petopedia.petscorner.co.uk/dog-poo-you/#:~:text=Over%20100%20cases%20of%20partial,help%20bring%20this%20number%20down.

You didn’t bother reading the thread then and yet 24 pages in you think this is still a relevant comment 🤷‍♀️

Oh, come on, this has to be a tiny per centage! More likely they are picking up fox pooh. Most dog owners now feel obliged to have poop bags at the ready and pick up the pooh. When did you last see a dog off a leash without an owner in sight? Fox pooh is toxic, btw, since they carry sarcoptic mange and also are never wormed etc. Much more likely cause of (rare) cases of blindness.

Noone is suggesting it is harmless.

It was an observation that children grapple with these things in their environment all the time - whenever they go to a park for instance. Taking a child to the park is not neglect. You teach them not to touch it with bare hands and to wash before eating. Anyone with pets brings those germ risks into the house. Personally I cannot understand how people let pets go on their bedding as they must have smears of poo on their nethers; but I respect they have different perspective about the risk and I’m not about to call SS or label then neglectful.

It's not that rare, if it was you wouldn't have the NHS and pet companies warning people about it and urging dog owners to clean up after their dogs. They warn specifically about dog poo, not fox poo. And while you may not see dogs without owners in sight, what you do see often is piles of dog poo where the irresponsible owner hasn't bothered to clean up after them.

It's not always about touching it with bare hands though. Sometimes a child might step in it by accident, and not receive until its too late, they could touch the bottom of their shoe and rub their eye without thinking, which is how it usually happens. Most of these cases of sight loss aren't caused by someone going up and touching it deliberately.

Quite often that's fox pooh, I'm afraid. Foxes do not use poop bags. And the NHS and pet companies can't warn about fox pooh because there is no way to control it, whereas dog-owners can use poop bags - and do.

A lot don't though, you'd be surprised. It's a massive problem in my area. It's actually worse than the foxes.

Poo = Faeces
Pooh = Winnie the Pooh

There is no H on dog poo, fox poo, horse poo or any other poo

There is no consensus on this one - either will do. Anyway 'poo(h)' is childish. An ad hominem attack is the last refuge when having no counter-argument.

I would agree with you - some people are careless, or run out of bags, perhaps (not a get out - check before you go).

Perhaps. But I still wouldn't say 100 cases a year is rare.

Well... your username is Grammarnut. 😂

Money is no guarantee against a dirty place. Hans and Eva Rausing's private rooms got into a terrible state, I guess they wouldn't let cleaning staff into them as that was their drug den?

@ScotsGirl48 not one single mention of the father/husband in your post. Why are you putting ALL the blame and responsibility on the mum? Doesn't he have a duty to his kids too?

janedoe82 you mentioned children needing to have friends over - using my brother's house as an example, they constantly had friends over, they were probably the most sociable family (adults and children) I have ever known and the kids as adults still are. They had places to do homework and they did well at school, and did projects at home like arts projects yadayada.

To which I would add the whole issue here has been that the mother DID have friends over to the house.

It is the fact of doing so that is now being used as the opening for reporting her which, ironically, would actually disincline her to do exactly what we are all supposedly to worry about, namely her children growing up without friends coming to the house🤷🏻‍♀️

Well it is quite possible to have a clean house AND have friends over 🙄

Yes that is true.

@Janedoe82, you are obviously an excellent, very caring social worker and your clients are lucky to have you.