Selfish DH preventing DD getting ready for school

[Spelunk]

I get up at 6.30am and get ready, then wake DD at 7.15am. She has 15 mins to get up and dressed, 15 mins to eat breakfast, and 15 mins to have a quick wash and brush teeth. So DD bathroom time is 7.45am-8.00am, then we put shoes on and walk out the door at 8.10am.

DH is repeatedly using the bathroom during that time and making it difficult for DD to get ready for school. I’ve told him repeatedly that he can use the bathroom any other time but not during that 15 minute slot.

Today he was bending over brushing his teeth in the sink while I was trying to get DD toothbrush out of the cupboard above the sink, and bonked him on the back of the head with the corner of the door. DH was furious, and I was equally furious because he shouldn’t be fucking getting in the way during those 15 minutes.

He’s a grown adult, he’s capable of getting up 15 minutes earlier to use the bathroom. He’s just fucking lazy and lying in bed as late as possible. Then he ends up needing the bathroom right before he leaves for work at 8am. It’s selfish and I’m absolutely sick of it.

Omg I feel you!! Why do they do it?!

And for those picking up on what order teeth are brushed in… seriously missing the point of this post 🤦‍♀️

To be honest you sound as bad as him..

He's obviously a dick, but from the her comments, not sure she is much better, feel sorry for the child who is stuck in the middle.

I would have said as others about changing her routine slightly just to make your life easier but her being on the spectrum changes this massively. Keep her routine as is and put her sign of the bathroom and keep DH bathroom stuff by the kitchen sink. Also sit down with him and mansplain that you do her whole routine day in day out, you have do it all - all he needs to do is keep out of the f**king bathroom for 15 mins, it's not hard! He is ruining your daughters and your morning by being selfish and perhaps he could think of the others in the household in the morning and just stay out of the bathroom for those 15 mins.....

^^ this

That's what a couple of dentists have told me. Also, when you eat the bacteria in your mouth immediately starts working too and laying down plaque, so it's best to try to clean away as much as possible beforehand.

Going off on a tangent: have also been told by dentist and hygienists to not use mouthwash straight after cleaning teeth as that swills away the remnants of the toothpaste that will protect your teeth.

There is a second toilet that could be utilised.

And for those picking up on what order teeth are brushed in… seriously missing the point of this post 🤦‍♀️

Or just responding to comments made upthread (including by the OP) whilst very much getting the point of the thread. These little side comments happen all the time on MN threads.

But it’s not just the bathroom is it, it sounds as if every moment of their lives in this household are controlled by an alarm going off, it’s a crazy way to live, the OP wants to be in control of every minute. She doesn’t have any love for her husband, but can’t be bothered to do the right thing and leave. It has nothing whatsoever to do with misogyny, it’s seems as if it’s obligatory to make a man’s life a misery if you’re on mumsnet!

It has nothing whatsoever to do with misogyny, it’s seems as if it’s obligatory to make a man’s life a misery if you’re on mumsnet!

Perhaps you don't often comment, but do you often read? Because I can't believe that after the stories shared on here day after day, you've still come away with the idea that MN is full of tales of women ruining men's lives... and it sounds as though you've missed the story of this prince coming in and shitting in front of his daughter if he feels like it even though there's another toilet available.

and @MistyBean
I know it’s a little off topic but Thankyou for the intel on acids and toothbrushing
So much to learn on MN 👏

Would agree, but think you also tend to get one side of the story on MN, sure there are loads of real tossers out there, but in a lot of cases like the OP here, they aren't much better. Feel sorry for the child in this household.

My son did work experience at a dentists and he told him that you should brush your teeth before you eat so you have a protective coating on your teeth. Apparently if you brush them afterwards then you are just brushing the acids into the enamel. I try and do mine as soon as I wake up so my morning coffee doesn't taste too bad 😀

Of course you only get one side of the story, but even with that in mind, there are so many tales of horrid abuse, with OPs who will disappear rather than understand that that's what's happening and defend the men, that only only most selective and agenda-driven reader could spend any reasonable amount of time here and conclude that the problem the place highlights is just how terribly women victimise men. It's the kind of approach that has seen several posters read OP's reasons for staying - working part time to support her autistic daughter and not wanting her husband to be able to scream at the child without intervention - and claim she's just too lazy to work full time. It's so twisted that I simply cannot believe it's accidental.

A woman asking for a set 15 minute slot for her autistic daughter to use the bathroom is nowhere near comparable to a man who barges in while his daughter is in there and shits in front of her even when he could go elsewhere. If he finds the alarms throughout the day so intolerable, he can also leave but intrusive and disgusting behaviour towards a child is not comparable.

This seems bonkers to me.
Firstly I’m trying to understand how you wash after you are dressed, especially without getting uniform soaked.
Often in a morning I’ll be brushing 4 year olds teeth while husband brushes his own and the baby crawls around our ankles. Obviously take it in turns to spit 😂.

He is being very lazy and selfish. But can you change him? Maybe she can do her teeth elsewhere? Sorry - he’s a twta.

Not trying to excuse your DH but would it not make more sense to wash before dressing then a quick wipe of face and hands and brush teeth after breakfast. Thats what my kids do and mornings run like a dream here - NOT 😝

Have I misunderstood?
Here, you seem to be saying that if you finish doing something three minutes before the alarm goes to signal the end of that activity, you sit on your hands and wait for the alarm to go off.

No you haven't misunderstood. OP can only do the tasks within the allocated timeframe. So (I assume) if DD has brushed her teeth and had a wash and there are still 4 minutes left on the timer, they just stand in the bathroom until the alarm goes off. And I'm guessing if OP wakes up automatically at 6:57 instead of 7am, she can't get up and start getting ready as the timing of events doesn't start until 7am.

Absolutely typical MN nowadays. Post asking for advice and get a pile on for a side note. I'm convinced people choose to post on MN just to shit on the OP and I have theory of why.

Not everyone wants to live their life so rigid and regimented OP

Similar chaos at ours, with added dog. Though he doesn't brush. Isn't chaos what all families do in the morning? You just laugh it off usually. Nowhere near as organised with time intervals and alarm clocks that'd make me go mad. Though no experience with autism and it sounds hard work for op. Dh shitting while people are brushing teeth is unacceptable, I'd puke. he should shit in the second loo. And help...

What's your theory BlueJellycat?

I don't know if you were on MN near the start but I have been here on and off since 2007ish. It was so funny then. So few posters that they often remembered details about each others' lives.

In fact it was part of the reason I reconsidered and thought I might enjoy motherhood. My dm had painted it all as a terrible ordeal and MN (back then) was the first time I saw women being affectionate about their dc.

I just think there is a section of society who enjoy bashing the MN demographic and seek that out.

Imagine going the gp and saying "I need a tetanus as I trod on a nail in the garden" and the gp wanted to micro disect your footwear choice, why there is a nail in your garden, why you didn't have your tetanus up to date yada, yada, yada. Basically berating you in any and every way possible while ignoring that you just asked about the tetanus. I never see this micro dissection IRL.

I swear to god if you posted saying your child was clipped by a Amazon van at 8.30 on the school run, the 8.30 would be the centrally take home and you'd be bashed because at 8.30 they should be in school, you walked a bad route, you did something wrong in the 'detail'.

I'd love to see these 'pile on thinkers' sit a GCSE' they would get stuck on the order you entered your personal details on page one for two hours.

Or If in maths if you was asked to calculate how long tilers took to tile x sq m if 10 sq m takes five hours, they would answer with 'no one tiles their bathroom nowadays, it's all wet room wall panels now' or something like that.

It's completely normal for people to stay in bed until 7 if they wake up before. Not everyone does it but it's hardly abnormal.

And where did the OP say that she and the DD stand in the bathroom for 4 minutes? The child who is running back and forwards for toys etc? but then suddenly becomes a statue for 4 whole minutes?

More likely that the child gets a bit of faffing time and the OP gets to grab a quick sit down in a busy morning routine. Hardly a massive deal. A much bigger deal is the DH seeing his wife sitting down for a couple of minutes demanding she gets on whilst he does nothing and sleeps in until the last moment.

Who is slating, piling on and/or bashing the OP? Near the start of this thread someone commented that it's something you should do and others answered or gave their opinion. MN threads often have little tangents, which I don't mind unless someone is making a real effort to derail the thread. A few times I have learnt something.

If you went to the GP asking for a shot because you stood on a nail in a workshop, they might well suggest you wear shoes there in future. My GP has often given additional advice for me or my DC over the years - I took it at face value and didn't assume they were 'having a go' at me.