Selfish DH preventing DD getting ready for school

[Spelunk]

I get up at 6.30am and get ready, then wake DD at 7.15am. She has 15 mins to get up and dressed, 15 mins to eat breakfast, and 15 mins to have a quick wash and brush teeth. So DD bathroom time is 7.45am-8.00am, then we put shoes on and walk out the door at 8.10am.

DH is repeatedly using the bathroom during that time and making it difficult for DD to get ready for school. I’ve told him repeatedly that he can use the bathroom any other time but not during that 15 minute slot.

Today he was bending over brushing his teeth in the sink while I was trying to get DD toothbrush out of the cupboard above the sink, and bonked him on the back of the head with the corner of the door. DH was furious, and I was equally furious because he shouldn’t be fucking getting in the way during those 15 minutes.

He’s a grown adult, he’s capable of getting up 15 minutes earlier to use the bathroom. He’s just fucking lazy and lying in bed as late as possible. Then he ends up needing the bathroom right before he leaves for work at 8am. It’s selfish and I’m absolutely sick of it.

I appreciate this issue is deeper than the bathroom usage and the Husband should accommodate his daughters needs but it ain't happening so surely the simple answer is to lock the door and put his toothbrush and toothpaste outside the door. The husband won't be able to waltz in and also the DD will not wander off.
I have four DC who share a bathroom they don't have time slots but they do this to help each other.

I'm going to go ahead and assume the OP has autism. As an autistic woman myself, I would assume there is a hefty dose of inefficient communication with the husband and rigidity around self-imposed rules which seem totally bizarre to everyone else. So I am not entirely buying the whole "husband is always in a way and not willing to back down" scenario we are offered here.

Modern cellphones can have multiple alarms that sound only on the days you want them to sound on.

Oh. How boring. I was envisaging something far more exciting and aesthetic - like something out of a Tim Burton movie .

We don’t have this issue as we have two useable bathrooms but it wouldn’t be an issue anyway…

I have 2 young children. I get them up about 7am. Both get dressed in their own bedroom. 7 year old sorts himself, goes to the bathroom. Brushes teeth (takes 2 mins). He goes downstairs to his breakfast which dad has made (cereal in the week). I do my daughter’s hair in her room and help her get dressed because she’s 4. She brushes teeth quickly and goes downstairs. Eats breakfast. We are done upstairs and my husband who has work can do whatever he likes in whatever bathroom he likes at any time because he is an adult with more hygiene needs and a job to go to where he doesn’t stink. My kids are small, don’t sweat and bathe before bed.

I don’t see any issue with 2 people, adults or children, using the same basin to brush their teeth.

we do suncream at the door before we leave. Sorry, autism or not I don’t see the need for a child to be in a bathroom for 15 mins in the morning when people need to get to work. He could get up earlier, but suggestions he’s evil because he won’t do this are crazy. My husband always sleeps through his alarm because he’s lazy but he’s a good dad, a nice man and we all have our faults. I don’t cause mayhem over it. Couldn’t live in a house like this where people are arguing over stuff like this.

Oh, how quirky autistic people are! Step right up!

we do suncream at the door before we leave. Sorry, autism or not I don’t see the need for a child to be in a bathroom for 15 mins in the morning when people need to get to work.

My sensory issues mean that I have knowingly burned sooner than apply suncream.

Being able to wash suncream off your hands after applying it, which requires access to a basin, can mean the difference between a child who will wear suncream and one will not.

Tell me that you're not autistic and have neurotypical children without telling me that you're not autistic and have neurotypical children

I mean if you put it as if
I say to DP "I have to be at work so I'm going to shower at 7am, I'll be 15 mins"
DP "yeah sure"
And then he wanders in at 7.02am and starts having a shit or banging on the door telling me to hurry up or he needed to do his teeth

I would be WTF, I TOLD you I would be in the shower at 7am for 15 mins, this isn't my problem now. Go use the other toilet

Would people really tolerate that every single day? because that's what he's doing but to a child

That's what he's doing, but to a disabled child, and criticising his wife when she stands up for that child.

OP, LTB.

It's sensible to wash hands after anyway if it'll sting if you touch your eyes.

Thankfully washing hands only needs a sink, not a full bathroom, so there are three available.

It doesn't need to be done in a bathroom.

Thankfully as the only adult bothering to put sunscreen on the child the OP gets to apply it whereever the fuck she wants

If the Dad wants it applied in a different room he could get his lazy arse out of bed in time to do so

Why would you see quirky as an insult?

Anyway the thought pertained less to the people and more to the abundance of clocks because my family is into horology. Admittedly more analogue, but the thought was still an appealing one. Sorry if that gets you all irritable.

The OP has an autistic child who benefits from the routine her mum uses @Amumof287 . Your family works differently - it isn’t hard to appreciate why she wants to do what works best for her and for her child, is it.

And a good, caring father and husband should be able to avoid the bathroom for one 15 minute period while his wife gets their dd ready, surely? Why is it so unreasonable to expect an adult to make a small adjustment to their morning for the sake of their disabled child?

The child wouldn’t have suncream on her hands if her parent has applied it. The OP hasn’t indicated this is an issue, she said the stuff is kept in the bathroom and she’s not carrying it to different rooms which doesn’t make sense to me. It’s not difficult to take a bottle of sun cream in to a different room.

i assume there are handwashing facilities in the kitchen.

if the OP’s child’s autism demands that she must be in a bathroom to complete all of these activities then of course her husband should accommodate. The thread doesn’t read like that and neurodiversity doesn’t present the same in every person so it would be unreasonable to expect that we all must know that every autistic person needs to apply their suncream in a bathroom.

Oh wow so now we have moved on from the vagaries of tooth brushing to the management of sun screen application and hand washing.

It really doesn't matter.

The core issue is OP needs her DD to have unfettered access to the bathroom for one 15 minute segment. That's all she is expecting from her DH. She is not expecting him to share getting DD ready for school, all she needs is for him not to use the bathroom for 15 sodding minutes a day.

I can't believe people are getting so wrapped up in the minutiae of what's happening during those 15 minutes, rather than addressing the key issue.

My dentist told me this as well.

or not brush straight after eating?

There appears to be enormous confusion on this thread.

I prefer to give it thirty minutes after breakfast and brush so I don’t torment people with eggy breath all morning. But it does explain why someone I worked with used to breathe a strange melange of egg and a chemically/listeriney smell. She obviously brushed first then tried to camouflage with a listerine gargle.

I guess to be honest because it’s patently clear to us all neither OP not DH will budge on the issue.

I mean it seems the only peaceable solution will be a second bathroom, and suggesting that sounds a bit flippant.

This. It's 15 minutes. People are bending over backwards to make excuses for a grown adult not to keep out of the bathroom for a fixed 15 minute slot five days per week.

It's 15 fucking minutes. 75 minutes per week. He's got the whole of the rest of the 165 hours and 45 minutes in a week that he can use on a first-come basis.

This is almost the funniest thread for ages. The totally illogical being sold as a sensible reaction; the number of times posters have claimed neurodiversity or autism and the man equals bad reductive reasoning

Okay so I am concerned about "I told him". Partners come up with game plans together. Mother's tell little boys what to do and then get upset when they don't? Seriously? You don't tell a grown man when he can use the bathroom. You sit with him and discuss the children's needs and together come up and agree on a plan. Try that on for size to see if your partner is a man child and you his mommy or if you actually have an adult in the family, either you, he or both. It is not adulting to tell your DH what time to use the bathroom. It is mothering. Mothering our grown men is not sexy. Men don't know how to fight back so they do passive aggressive crap like he's doing.

I dont think needing to shit is selfish. I mean, its not like you can help when you need the toilet but

I can see its frustrating to you. im organised by nature but the rigidness of a bathroom schedule would tip me over the edge to be honest. Its an extreme solution but have you anyway of adding an en suite or extra toilet? If shes just brushing teeth and giving her face a wipe can you keep stuff in the kitchen? Not to "enable" him but you can brush your teeth at any sink, i think it would be a deal breaker to shit in the kitchen 😂

😂😂🤣 Case closed!

Can you leave your useless H?!