Selfish DH preventing DD getting ready for school

[Spelunk]

I get up at 6.30am and get ready, then wake DD at 7.15am. She has 15 mins to get up and dressed, 15 mins to eat breakfast, and 15 mins to have a quick wash and brush teeth. So DD bathroom time is 7.45am-8.00am, then we put shoes on and walk out the door at 8.10am.

DH is repeatedly using the bathroom during that time and making it difficult for DD to get ready for school. I’ve told him repeatedly that he can use the bathroom any other time but not during that 15 minute slot.

Today he was bending over brushing his teeth in the sink while I was trying to get DD toothbrush out of the cupboard above the sink, and bonked him on the back of the head with the corner of the door. DH was furious, and I was equally furious because he shouldn’t be fucking getting in the way during those 15 minutes.

He’s a grown adult, he’s capable of getting up 15 minutes earlier to use the bathroom. He’s just fucking lazy and lying in bed as late as possible. Then he ends up needing the bathroom right before he leaves for work at 8am. It’s selfish and I’m absolutely sick of it.

Humans are interesting though.

He will come in to take a dump?
Does he actually drop his pants and sit on the loo?
Fuck that, Id divorce him just for that.

Dentists recommend cleaning before eating to preserve tooth enamel. If you worry about your mouth being 'clean', use mouthwash after eating.

Because she hates her husband. There are far, far deeper issues at play here other than teeth brushing times.

@Starlight1979

However I have just read a post by OP which says she doesn't love her husband but she won't leave because then she'll have to get a job.

I can't see where OP says this, but I did see where she says she works part time. ⬇️ very likely because she does more of the childcare for their daughter.

DH doesn’t get DD ready because he’s going to work at 8am and I’m part time so I’m not rushing out. I don’t mind getting her ready. What I do mind is having my (and DD) routine interrupted by his selfishness. 🌹

I wouldn’t change my child’s routine just to accommodate a prick posing as a man

Why can't DD have her shower as soon as she gets up?

To be honest, I would ensure a routine that benefits everyone in the house, not just DD. My husband is reasonable though so maybe that's why these things are never too much to ask. I would not be happy with your husband at all for deliberately getting in the way. Maybe keep a toothbrush downstairs so that teeth can be cleaned after breakfast. This may prevent the feeling of resentment towards your husband. Also message him that you would like a discussion at x time in the evening as communication is key

Spelunk · 14/05/2024 11:42

Codlingmoths · 14/05/2024 11:39

Do you love him op? I don’t think I could love a man who was so repeatedly deliberately an arse to his small autistic child.

No. But if I leave him I’ll have to get a full time job to pay the bills and won’t be able to care for DD to the extent that I currently do. And then he’ll get partial custody and will be able to yell at DD when I’m not there to defend her.

I’m ADHD. My sister is autistic, as is my nephew. My dad could be both. My daughter is ADHD. My husband is almost certainly autistic.

All only realised in the last 2 years. It’s fascinating.

Perhaps you've failed to understand (quite a lot of posters here seem to have), but the OP says quite clearly and more than once that her DD has autism and needs a firm, fixed, particular routine.
I am assuming that she knows her DD and that this routine has been developed to the point where it's the best way of getting her ready and out the door.
It may not look like other people's routines or habits but, again, the OP's posts make quite clear why.

1.Try sitting him down 1 more time to explain why he needs to stay out of the bathroom. This is his audio cue. His DD is autustic. Does he have no undetstanding or sympathy? "Why are you so horrible" sound like my 8 yr old DGD.
2 give it a week.
3 lock on the door. (Buy cheap shed catch and a combination lock.) This is his visual clue.
4 WFH days he does the routine. Leave the house do not give in.

Coming on mum's net make me despair. Why are there so many pathetic men in the world.

Yes, and that's very different to "because otherwise I'll have to get a job". Not even subtly different - completely different.

So why on earth did you misrepresent it so badly?

I think this whole mess sounds way more complicated that it needs to be and way more agressive than it needs to be in part because of your complete inability to be even the tinest bit flexible! I would be throughly fed up if I were your other half too.

Apologies, I misread the part about the job. However, it doesn't deter from the fact that OPs posts SCREAM of unhappiness and dislike of her husband and my point is, whether or not the bathroom routine is sorted, she doesn't love him and more and more "issues" will arise that OP isn't happy with because ultimately, she wants to leave him.

I am well aware of this. Perhaps you haven't read all the OPs responses though:

• the OP explained why she can't brush her daughters hair etc elsewhere. It's because the OP would have to relocate the hairbrushes and she doesn't want to move them. It has nothing to do with thr daughters autism.
• the timers etc predate the daughter. The OP ran her life by alarms and fixed time slots before she had her child. It's more about the mum than the daughter.
• there is more mention from the OP about how SHE wouldn't cope without timers, than her daughter wouldn't. It's the OP who will wait for 3 minutes to start a task rather than get on with it (so will presumably stand looking at her clothes until the alarm to dress goes off, will wait to brush her teeth into the alarm says so. This is how regimented the OP is -not her daughter.

Couldn't DD Have a wash first and clean her teeth after breakfast at 8 o clock and straight out the door.Leaving DH to get on and go because he hasn't annoyed anyone.

Even if OP is a bit regimented with timers and alarms, dh still chose to marry her and have dc with her. If he loves her, he'd ask gently if she could be more flexible when necessary, not come out with "you're horrible".

And I don't like the fact he pushes of dd out of the way of the mirror when she's stood on a stool. He doesn't come over well.

You sound like you can’t stand him Op

divorce might be something to look into

Considering OP opens with the fact she couldn't bring herself to wait for him to finish brushing his teeth before opeing a cupboard above him, and as a result hurting him, and then instead of apologising for hurting him goes off at him, I wouldn't say that OP comes over well either.

If I had worked out a simple routine, that only needed 15 minutes of uninterrupted time in the bathroom, that completely suited and calmed my autistic child so she would be ready and at school on time, I would be furious if my husband constantly and deliberately sabotaged that 15 minutes.
A reasonable man/husband/father would behave in a mature fashion and be supportive.

Absolutely right, @endofthelinefinally - it makes perfect sense to us - just not to her unhelpful manbaby of a husband.

Shared bathrooms are ALWAYS a nightmare.
There should be one bathroom per adult ideally.

One lavatory, two people is bad enough when one of the two is a loo hogger as men so often are with their Uber long poos ( time wise)

Who wants to do their teeth after someone else has just had poo?

Horrid.

This seems extreme to be honest. We only have 1 bathroom and I have 2 boys. Every morning it’s just a free for all. We’re all in the bathroom at the same time trying to do what we need to do. There’s no time slots or strict organisation, first up, first in then everyone piles in haha. I thought everyone’s house was as chaotic in the morning 😂 I appreciate we’ll need another bathroom soon but if you only have the one then fighting over the bathroom is normal surely.

OP has explained there are 2 toilets. One of them is not very comfortable but fine if urgently needed if husband cannot control his bowels.