Selfish DH preventing DD getting ready for school

[Spelunk]

I get up at 6.30am and get ready, then wake DD at 7.15am. She has 15 mins to get up and dressed, 15 mins to eat breakfast, and 15 mins to have a quick wash and brush teeth. So DD bathroom time is 7.45am-8.00am, then we put shoes on and walk out the door at 8.10am.

DH is repeatedly using the bathroom during that time and making it difficult for DD to get ready for school. I’ve told him repeatedly that he can use the bathroom any other time but not during that 15 minute slot.

Today he was bending over brushing his teeth in the sink while I was trying to get DD toothbrush out of the cupboard above the sink, and bonked him on the back of the head with the corner of the door. DH was furious, and I was equally furious because he shouldn’t be fucking getting in the way during those 15 minutes.

He’s a grown adult, he’s capable of getting up 15 minutes earlier to use the bathroom. He’s just fucking lazy and lying in bed as late as possible. Then he ends up needing the bathroom right before he leaves for work at 8am. It’s selfish and I’m absolutely sick of it.

why is she more entitled to use the bathroom than your husband, your a family, surely you just go to the bathroom when it’s free. What a lot of drama over teeth brushing. Her teeth will still be clean if she cleans them when she gets up. Most people clean their teeth before eating. And how is he lazy because he gets up and uses the bathroom and leaves for work ontime? It’s weird how you’re so adamant your husband changed for your entitled daughter but heaven forbid she change. Tell her to go to the bathroom 5 mins before. This set 15 mins for everything is weird.

Are you, your husband and your daughter all 2? Like come on. Your daughter doesn't need a minute of "protected bathroom time" she can go in when she first gets up, or get up earlier and go in after her dad but before she leaves for school. Or dad can get up earlier, or leave slightly later. Also I can have a full shower and hair wash in 15 mins. If your daughter is just brushing her teeth and having a wash, a bathroom time of 5 mins would be perfectly fine and easier to fit in!

The idea of living with this level of routine is genuinely anxiety inducing.

@OldPerson could you be more patronising 😂

I don’t think I have ever been more confused by anything on MN before?

Do you take your shoes off before going outside?
And do you wipe your butt before going to the loo?
Are you OP’s DH?

I keep some toothbrushes in the kitchen for the dc for mornings when there isn’t time to traipse back upstairs before leaving. Ideally I prefer them to be spitting into a bathroom sink but it isn’t really a biggie and certainly not worth being late over.

I’m relieved you said that. I was thinking I’d shave at least five and possibly ten minutes off some of those time slots, and was beginning to think I obviously cut things very fine.
It’s the ten minutes between being ready and walking out the door that sounded most unlike our household!

He’s just being rude then.

Strangely I wondered this too. Op has clearly put a lot of thought and effort into DD’s routine and makes it very important. Not saying that’s wrong, but I did wonder if this was his way of saying what about me. I mean it’s still juvenile…

Well she’s definitely doing teeth brushing right. You are supposed to remove the food sugars from your teeth, not leave them there for the day. It’s only after large volumes of acid ( and mostly this is after vomiting) that you ought to wait before brushing.

It sounds like you both absolutely hate each other, and you would be better off getting some relationship counselling ASAP before you cement in your daughter's mind that this is what an adult relationship looks like

People would get a much better idea of the situation if they read all of OP's posts.

In one, she says on the rare occasions he does dd's bedtime, he'd shout at dd so much that she'd come and get OP, who'd have to take over. OP feels this is deliberate.

I think he's an appalling arse. I also wonder how he reacted to dd's autosm diagnosis and whether he's taking out his emotions about it on her.

It is for me too. But I have not got a SEN child so I am not going to comment on whether it is necessary or not. For all I know it could be.

And if it is, the DH will just have to adapt: it’s his family .

But yes, I’m very glad no-one here requires alarmed routines.

Quite.
Part of the problem is that the OP insists on doing things in then bathroom that could easily be done elsewhere.

There's no reason why hair has to be done in the bathroom, same for suncream (yes you'll want to wash your hands after but there's a kitchen sink). Many families (including mine) have spare toothbrushes downstairs because it's a lot easier than traipsing back upstairs.

It's odd to expect someone to wait their 'slot' to use a toilet, whilst mum drags her child bath to the bathroom to brush her hair, when it could just as easily be done in her bedroom, lounge etc.

The actual time for 'bathroom tasks ' is going to be 5 minutes or less. No need to hog for 15.

Who tf brushes their teeth THEN eats breakfast ?
Pointless doing them at all

Why do autistic women marry men with adhd (genuine question, not goady) ?

My reply would of been because you're a selfish inconsiderate twat and I've had enough of it buck up or fuck off

Yet another man who doesn't see himself as in any way responsible for parenting or domestic work. He's happy for you to supervise your shared DD's routine, day after day, and is so on the outside of it all that he not only disrupts it but can't understand why that's a problem. We need a revolution, ladies.

I think it might be to do with attachment styles. I am in lots of ADHD support groups. I am autistic and my husband has ADHD. So many other women seem to be in the same position. It’s 100% based on empirical evidence.
i should point out there is absolutely no scientific basis behind my assertion. Thank you for being genuine and not goady.

Thanks for the explanation.

Who tf brushes their teeth THEN eats breakfast ?

I do.

@Spelunk totally random and just have to say was initially concerned at just how rigid your routines but then you wrote the list
making life harder.
'Use the toilet.
Wander off to find a doll.
Wash her face and hands.
Pretend to be a unicorn.
Brush her teeth.
Cry about something.
Brush her hair.
Inspect her wobbly tooth in the mirror.
Unroll the toilet paper.
Roll it up again.
Put sunscreen on if it’s hot'

And just can see your brilliant balancing -structure but with time to be a unicorn 😍

Theories suggest they balance each other out. In cave dwelling times an autistic partner would be focused on hunting moving food, which the ADHD partner would struggle with. But studies have shown that ADHD people can clear a blackberry bush of fruit far quicker than an autistic person. Survival is more likely when a partner has the opposite skill set.

This.

However I have just read a post by OP which says she doesn't love her husband but she won't leave because then she'll have to get a job.

That makes far more sense in terms of her feelings towards him than the whole bathroom nonsense.

Aah that’s interesting .

Though oddly it sounds as though the ideal coupling would be make ASD , woman ADHD ( not the other way round). Though perhaps both combinations come about because those are the couplings left musical chairs style!