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Original poster

Selfish DH preventing DD getting ready for school

756 replies

Spelunk · 14/05/2024 08:28

I get up at 6.30am and get ready, then wake DD at 7.15am. She has 15 mins to get up and dressed, 15 mins to eat breakfast, and 15 mins to have a quick wash and brush teeth. So DD bathroom time is 7.45am-8.00am, then we put shoes on and walk out the door at 8.10am.

DH is repeatedly using the bathroom during that time and making it difficult for DD to get ready for school. I’ve told him repeatedly that he can use the bathroom any other time but not during that 15 minute slot.

Today he was bending over brushing his teeth in the sink while I was trying to get DD toothbrush out of the cupboard above the sink, and bonked him on the back of the head with the corner of the door. DH was furious, and I was equally furious because he shouldn’t be fucking getting in the way during those 15 minutes.

He’s a grown adult, he’s capable of getting up 15 minutes earlier to use the bathroom. He’s just fucking lazy and lying in bed as late as possible. Then he ends up needing the bathroom right before he leaves for work at 8am. It’s selfish and I’m absolutely sick of it.

OP posts:
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6
DisabledDemon · 15/05/2024 19:28

Spelunk · 14/05/2024 09:09

Have you sat down and explained to your partner how utterly selfish it is that despite you repeatedly asking, he is continuing to be disruptive?
Yep. He said “why are you so horrible?”

How old is he? He sounds like a five year old!

Gcsunnyside23 · 15/05/2024 19:30

Spelunk · 14/05/2024 09:51

Work out when he might head to the bathroom (so does he put his coffee cup down, fart, then go to the bathroom etc) and speed DD up to get in there first.
He’ll still come in even if she’s already in there. She’s brushing her teeth and he’ll sit down to take a dump. Or she’s standing on a stool in front of the sink so she can see in the mirror and I’m trying to brush her hair, and he pushes in at the side of the sink and starts brushing his teeth.

I would actually go ape if someone did that to me or one of the kids. He's an actual prick and I put money in it's deliberate. When you get up at 6.30 make sure to put all the light on in your room, turn the radio on and get ready as loudly as possible. If he won't be inconvenienced then neither should you

lucindasspunkyfunkyvoice · 15/05/2024 19:30

I agree. It’s bloody infuriating

if you have one bathroom then eveyone in the house is allocated a timeslot

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Garlicked · 15/05/2024 19:32

JustAnotherManicMomday · 15/05/2024 19:13

So why not change your routine to breakfast, get washed and do teeth then get dresses. Avoiding the dreaded 15 minute bathroom slot and also avoiding any risk of toothpaste etc on dds clothes.

I can confidently predict that, if DD copes with having her bathroom times changed, the H will "need" to shit and brush his teeth at the new time.

To recap:
DD has a 15-minute fixed bathroom slot.
Her dad has a 1 hour and 45 minute, flexible bathroom slot.

You'd think an adult could cope with that, wouldn't you?

Lavenderblue11 · 15/05/2024 19:40

Spelunk · 14/05/2024 09:45

DH won’t stick to the same time slot. Even if I told him he could have the bathroom at 7.45 and DD would use it at 7.30, you can guarantee he’d get up early for a meeting or wake up needing a shit and be in the bathroom at 7.30 at least a couple of days per week. He won’t stick to a schedule. He’s selfish, he just wants to use the bathroom whenever he wants.

Funnily enough he never intrudes on MY time slot at 6.30am. Because the lazy fucker is still in bed.

Show quote history

OP, DH sounds like he well and truly gets on your tits. You're at the stage when even hearing him breathe pisses you off.
Truth is, he has to be out of the house earlier than DD (8am vs 8:10am), why can't DD brush her teeth after he has gone? Also, 'pretending to be a unicorn, looking for a doll etc isn't really focusing on getting ready for school is it? My daughter was a bit the same when she was younger, it's just about working on keeping them on track.

masterblaster · 15/05/2024 19:40

Littlebitpsycho · 14/05/2024 08:32

Why on earth would you brush your teeth before breakfast? It's just going to make your teeth dirty again before u go out?

DH is in the wrong and hopefully the bang on the head has knocked some sense into him!

Show quote history

Because you have a shit load of bacteria and plaque on them from the night that you don’t want to actually eat with your breakfast.

LaDamaDeElche · 15/05/2024 20:15

Can DD not use the bathroom as soon as she wakes up at 7.15? Most people don't want to eat their cereal with the taste of toothpaste in their mouth.

angela1952 · 15/05/2024 20:18

Myopicglass · 14/05/2024 08:36

You are meant to brush before eating if you cannot wait for 30 mins after eating.

‘When you're looking to protect your tooth enamel, brushing right after you wake up in the morning is better than brushing your teeth after breakfast. If you have to brush your teeth after breakfast, try to wait at least 30 minutes before you brush.‘

Isn't this only if you have fruit juice or something acidic?

goldenretrievermum5 · 15/05/2024 20:18

LaDamaDeElche · 15/05/2024 20:15

Can DD not use the bathroom as soon as she wakes up at 7.15? Most people don't want to eat their cereal with the taste of toothpaste in their mouth.

Better than brushing your enamel away after breakfast..

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 15/05/2024 20:20

OP, DH sounds like he well and truly gets on your tits. You're at the stage when even hearing him breathe pisses you off.

I suspect seeing/hearing him barge into the bathroom and take a dump in front of his young child when there is another bathroom available pisses her off a darned sight more.

Sleepytiredyawn · 15/05/2024 20:48

If he only has to get himself ready then I can’t see this ever changing. Some men don’t realise how good they have it being able to get up and only get themselves ready.

I’d get a lock in the bedroom door and lock him in 😂

IAmMam · 15/05/2024 20:59

Beezknees · 14/05/2024 08:33

You're not supposed to eat straight after brushing your teeth.

Show quote history

But you are meant to brush your teeth before breakfast rather than after

ViveLaOeuf · 15/05/2024 21:21

But you are meant to brush your teeth before breakfast rather than after

No you aren't. It doesn't matter. NHS says

"Brush your teeth for about 2 minutes last thing before you go to bed and on 1 other occasion every day"

Demelza81 · 15/05/2024 21:26

Hes a selfish twat, like most men. I assume he doesn't help get her ready in the morning just does his own thing. Do you have a downstairs loo he could use?

Platypuslover · 15/05/2024 21:31

MistyBean · 14/05/2024 08:36

I'm no dentist but I understood that you shouldn't brush for a while after eating as your enamel is softened by acids in your food. You should brush before eating if you have a tight timescale to get ready in.

Only for acidic foods like fruit for example.

lemming40 · 15/05/2024 22:00

You sound excessively angry. Although your husband does sound like a useless child.

MrsJackThornton · 15/05/2024 22:13

lemming40 · 15/05/2024 22:00

You sound excessively angry. Although your husband does sound like a useless child.

Perhaps you can quantify precisely how angry a woman is allowed to sound in this situation?

Weirdly the DH sounded quite aggressive with this too, but no sign of him being called excessively angry?

Ottersmith · 15/05/2024 22:18

Those people saying "he exposes himself" need to get a grip. He's her Father. Busy families are naked around each other all the time.

But if you can't leave him then you just have to keep telling him that he's selfish etc I suppose. He sounds like a shit Dad. He needs to read a parenting book. I would definitely make him get her ready in the morning. At least for a week. How would he feels if he read this thread? I'm always surprised at just how shit Dads can be. Does he not realise no one likes him as a result?

Deeperthantheocean · 15/05/2024 22:25

The am routine is never easy and needs to be shared as to when you both need to leave. It's great you have the schedule you have but that relies on all of you sticking to it. We tend to have a general routine but it all depends on when the dc wake up, so it could be 6am or having to wake them at 7am, hence the need to be flexible. I'm usually leaving at 7.30am on workdays so dh shares the getting them ready, when I work later I do it. We don't have the same strict time schedule every day. Xx

lemming40 · 15/05/2024 22:27

MrsJackThornton · 15/05/2024 22:13

Perhaps you can quantify precisely how angry a woman is allowed to sound in this situation?

Weirdly the DH sounded quite aggressive with this too, but no sign of him being called excessively angry?

Show quote history

She sounds angry enough that she should divorce him

MrsJackThornton · 15/05/2024 22:28

lemming40 · 15/05/2024 22:27

She sounds angry enough that she should divorce him

Show quote history

Right. So why is that excessively angry?

LaDamaDeElche · 15/05/2024 22:35

Better than brushing your enamel away after breakfast I'm 46 years old and have white healthy teeth with nothing done to them, as does my 65 year old mother. Both of us have always brushed after breakfast.

gamerchick · 15/05/2024 22:44

LaDamaDeElche · 15/05/2024 22:35

Better than brushing your enamel away after breakfast I'm 46 years old and have white healthy teeth with nothing done to them, as does my 65 year old mother. Both of us have always brushed after breakfast.

My nanna smoked heavily until the day she died in her late 80s. Nowt wrong with her due to smoking right until the end. Her daughter seems to be heading the same way. Smoking must be not as bad as they say.

twohotwaterbottles · 15/05/2024 22:44

CestLaVie123 · 15/05/2024 19:13

With all due respect OP, what can we do to help with the fact that you have a selfish useless twat of a DH?

Very good point!

pollymere · 15/05/2024 22:47

It is not appropriate for an adult to use the toilet in front of a seven year old child like that.

I think your DH may also be neurodiverse and cannot comprehend what is and isn't acceptable. I would use picture cue cards on your bathroom door for DD and hopefully your DH might understand this better. I would also put a five or ten minute reminder on his phone calendar that warns him he can't be in the bathroom between 07:45 and 08:00. If he needs to leave at 08:00 I do understand that it might not be the best time for DD to be in there. Could you not do Breakfast, then Wash, then Get dressed so she's in at 07:30? If he needs to leave earlier use the current routine and swap it around on the cue cards.

So "remember tomorrow that Daddy has to go earlier so we'll get dressed first" and change the picture cue cards to the other times or order.

It's not great but it might help.

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