Selfish DH preventing DD getting ready for school

[Spelunk]

I get up at 6.30am and get ready, then wake DD at 7.15am. She has 15 mins to get up and dressed, 15 mins to eat breakfast, and 15 mins to have a quick wash and brush teeth. So DD bathroom time is 7.45am-8.00am, then we put shoes on and walk out the door at 8.10am.

DH is repeatedly using the bathroom during that time and making it difficult for DD to get ready for school. I’ve told him repeatedly that he can use the bathroom any other time but not during that 15 minute slot.

Today he was bending over brushing his teeth in the sink while I was trying to get DD toothbrush out of the cupboard above the sink, and bonked him on the back of the head with the corner of the door. DH was furious, and I was equally furious because he shouldn’t be fucking getting in the way during those 15 minutes.

He’s a grown adult, he’s capable of getting up 15 minutes earlier to use the bathroom. He’s just fucking lazy and lying in bed as late as possible. Then he ends up needing the bathroom right before he leaves for work at 8am. It’s selfish and I’m absolutely sick of it.

Exactly this! And I dont see the outrage for the fact he is lazy and apparently gets to opt out of parenting but its the OP in the wrong for setting alarms, MN is a baffling place sometimes!

I was wondering if she had it as well. Unless I misread and she meant she can’t get the daughter to do something 3 minutes before the alarm went off. I assumed she meant something for herself

OP and her husband may benefit from couple counselling or take time away from each other as they are not respectful to each other.Plus the line …”I don’t expect it to last but maybe it’s switched on some common sense in his tiny brain.I do not know if people in a loving relationship will speak of their partner that way as he has made an attempt to correct his ways but she has no faith in him…plus some of his characteristics point to the possibility he might have some special needs and/or mental health issues.

This would have been the case if your all going to the same destination like school for example... But if their leaving the house at different times and they get into the bathroom at different times then you snooze you loose or just be considerate enough we have a time slot with 3 kids and 1 bathroom when we all Leave at different timings... You can't just pile on when you have teenagers! So you see help each other or youn you all suffer

She's just letting off steam, on an anonymous forum, not shouting 'tiny brain' in his face.

As someone above says, this thread has gone a bit like stumbling into an MRA meeting.

I really do feel for you, I don't think everyone has realised not just your standard crazy morning the fast you have to work around an autistic child is already hard enough and then having to deal with someone who is inconsiderate and too selfish to want to care&help. I think he needs a taster see how he manages... Without being rude is she his child? Either way he deserved that knock!! And plenty moreeee goodluckkkkk they understand how tough it is.

Hope all goes well for you Op.

We tend to be pretty relaxed about being around each other in the bathroom but there's no barging people out of the way!

MRA meeting or not it is just my opinion and the tiny brain is only an example of several inference i made from reading the thread.
Everyone is allowed a difference thought process and can speak plainly.I only gave mine.

Glad you made some progress.

I agree he was being selfish but I also feel if you have only 1 bathroom you need to minimize its use to bare essentials to give everyone maximum flexibility for using it when they need to.

So keep DD hair stuff in the bedroom, sun screen and extra toothbrush etc in the kitchen. These are not objects that need to be in the bathroom.

I actually keep a set of kids toothbrushes downstairs in the kitchen because the effort of getting them back upstairs to clean them is not worth it in our stressed routine (kids 8 and 4).

they have a second toilet, her DH won't use it

@MrsJackThornton true but not sure I entirely blame him if it's an outdoor toilet with spiders!

Indeed, and I gave mine, and you had something to say about it, so we had an exchange.

<<shrug>>

He should be getting her ready for school some days.

Not supposed to eat straight after eating, minimum half hour between, it is also recommended to brush teeth BEFORE eating.

This might be the easiest way to make him understand what you are up against 🤣

Speak to him very clearly - I am getting DD up and ready and not disturbing you in anyway - I am being considerate. You can do anything anywhere but from 7.45-8.00 the bathroom needs to be used by DD exclusively. Can you do that or do you have another solution up for grabs as it's too stressful all crammed in one bathroom at one time and risks her being late for school

I agree he was being selfish but I also feel if you have only 1 bathroom you need to minimize its use to bare essentials to give everyone maximum flexibility for using it when they need to.

Perhaps it's easier for Op's daughter to do this in one room though especially as she is only asking for 15mins!

Never mind the teeth.

You have created a predictable routine to support your autistic child. He is not buying into this and it’s creating resentment. Why is your DH not getting the bigger picture? What has he said to excuse his selfish behaviour?

Yes you may be right.

I can't help feeling a little sympathy for the DH as I would hate rigid bathroom time slots, especially if I had just been told what they were with no opportunity to discuss.

However if you have an autistic child you do have to parent accordingly. And I really don't think he should be pushing in and using the toilet while 7 year old DD is using the bathroom.

You're in the army........ now.

It's never about the toothbrush.

Sounds like an angry dictatorship power struggle initiated by the agrrieved "I hate getting up at 6:30am."

Wouldn't it be more practical if dd got up, washed and dressed - and then ate breakfast. You can always brush your teeth in the kitchen sink.

Could dd have a bath/wash the night before?

Seriously my dd's, all very different, never needed more than 30min to get ready from alarm to out the door. Even when teenagers. If they wanted more time, they set their alarms earlier.

But seriously guys, when you feel an imbalance of effort in the parenting team, just think it through.

1. What's annoying me and why? Is it me have having to get up at 6:30am and get dd ready, or is it husband not pulling his weight generally?

2. What everyone could do differently to solve the immediate conflict? (But it needs everyone's buy-in to agree)

3. Are there any overall family/chore changes would make me feel better? Is there something else that could happen that would improve my quality of life e.g. a lie in at weekends? or dad taking the kids to weekend activities? or dad taking over one of my current chores?

My dh took over responsibility for keeping the kitchen clean, laundry and anything car or needs repairing. I took over cleaning the bathrooms, general tidiness in other rooms and all activity planning. It improves my quality of life to come downstairs to clean, tidy kitchen every morning. And it improves his quality of life never to have to clean a toilet.

You have to work with your partner and appreciate what value they add to daily family life - not be in an endless angry pointless battle.

I can't help feeling a little sympathy for the DH as I would hate rigid bathroom time slots, especially if I had just been told what they were with no opportunity to discuss.

He hasn't got a slot as such though-more the reverse-there's 15mins when he needs to stay out.

If you have all the answers why post. You have terrible attitude towards those who wish to help.

So why not change your routine to breakfast, get washed and do teeth then get dresses. Avoiding the dreaded 15 minute bathroom slot and also avoiding any risk of toothpaste etc on dds clothes.

With all due respect OP, what can we do to help with the fact that you have a selfish useless twat of a DH?