Selfish DH preventing DD getting ready for school

[Spelunk]

I get up at 6.30am and get ready, then wake DD at 7.15am. She has 15 mins to get up and dressed, 15 mins to eat breakfast, and 15 mins to have a quick wash and brush teeth. So DD bathroom time is 7.45am-8.00am, then we put shoes on and walk out the door at 8.10am.

DH is repeatedly using the bathroom during that time and making it difficult for DD to get ready for school. I’ve told him repeatedly that he can use the bathroom any other time but not during that 15 minute slot.

Today he was bending over brushing his teeth in the sink while I was trying to get DD toothbrush out of the cupboard above the sink, and bonked him on the back of the head with the corner of the door. DH was furious, and I was equally furious because he shouldn’t be fucking getting in the way during those 15 minutes.

He’s a grown adult, he’s capable of getting up 15 minutes earlier to use the bathroom. He’s just fucking lazy and lying in bed as late as possible. Then he ends up needing the bathroom right before he leaves for work at 8am. It’s selfish and I’m absolutely sick of it.

Fingers crossed it is sinking in a bit.
But he sounds like a child himself. 'Why are you so horrible?' and pushing in front of his own child for the sink?

Oooh this sounds promising, fingers crossed it continues

The OPs 15 minutes includes time for her DD to wander off and get a toy,to get distracted etc
I’m not purposely including time for “play and imagination”. I’m allowing extra time because small autistic children are difficult to control!

It’s not a case of just washing her, I wish it was. Often she will run away and I have to bring her back. Or she’ll refuse to open her mouth for the toothbrush unless we pretend to be hippos. Or she’ll climb into the bath and refuse to get out, so I end up brushing her hair in the bath. Or she wants me to brush Barbie’s teeth as well as hers, and if I don’t she gets hysterical.

Then DH is coming in at the same time and making everything twice as hard because there isn’t room. For example I’m putting toothpaste on the brush and DD runs off, so I prise her out from under the bed and bring her back to the bathroom, only to discover that DH has nipped in and started brushing his own teeth.

Anyway fingers crossed he has learned his lesson now after being bonked on the head!

Great news OP, hope he keeps it up!

Yes, great mum who swears in front of her child. I really think you shouldn't be with your husband anymore OP, for everybody's sake.

The contortions some pps are tying themselves in to make this OP's fault (barring the odd cursory 'but of course he shouldn't be shitting in front of his child') and excuse the 'D'H are truly astonishing.

Everything is always the woman's fault.

& l can't believe all the "can't you just XYZ" in relation to getting a small autistic child ready. Like it's so fucking easy.

OP is the expert on her child. She's worked out a routine that works for them. Why should she change it to accommodate her selfish shitting husband.

selfish shitting husband

I'm long overdue a name change...

You are using your need for control to mess up your daughter and your husband‘s life. Your routines are ridiculous and you don’t listen to helpful suggestions I’m sorry especially for your daughter.

Are you having a laugh or are you hard of comprehension?

Genuine question.

Why do you think you know better than @Spelunk what works for HER child, @Todaywasbetter?

Care to explain how you can tell, without knowing the child or the family, what will work for them?

I’m not holding my breath.

He sounds totally selfish. However, what you have just said about not being able to do something because there is 3 minutes until the alarm goes off sounds hard work. I’m sure you have a reason for it, but it does sound very regimented. No excuse for him being selfish though.

Are you the husband?

You wouldn’t necessarily need to get a full time job. I don’t know any single parents of young kids with full time jobs (yea I know some do, I just don’t know them)

OP he sounds awful, I would be furious in your position too and I'd lose it with my DP if he did this.
I hope he continues to be more considerate having seen your update.

Sorry you've had so many ridiculous responses and people somehow blaming you..
Also I think I might try and implement some timings in the morning to help speed up/organise our mornings here with 2 and 5 year old.

Hope things improve.

The OP didn't say anywhere that she wants him to get up at 06:00. You have fabricated a falsehood to create a false comparison that casts OP as the unreasonable person.

It's reasonable to apply suncream in the bathroom because of the need to wash the greasy mess off your hands afterwards and to have immediate access to a tap if you get it in your eye.

There is another toilet in the house. No one has to hold anything in here.

I agree. She's not being rigid.
She's worked out a routine that works for her young autistic child to get them ready for school on time with the minimum fuss - which is very beneficial for the child to arrive at school well prepared and with out stress. It's really good to have a getting ready routine that a young child can count on and teaches them to be more organised in later life.

The person being rigid here is the DH.. he thinks he should be able to barge his DD out of the way whenever it suits him because he cannot be bothered to get up on time. He doesn't care that this may make her late. He won't adapt to this at all. 15 minutes is not a big ask and its not like he doesn't know when that 15 minutes is.

Yes, she has a reason - autism!

So say you are getting a child ready for school. You know how long each bit takes, and for once your child has behaved better than she normally does as a 6 year old, she's having a little play by herself and you know you have 3 minutes before you have to do the next thing. Everything's quiet and peaceful so you take a moment for yourself. Then your lazy arse DH who does absolutely nothing for the morning routine but disrupt it wanders past and wants to know what you have stopped and why you aren't just getting on with it. You tell him you have three minutes before you have to do the next thing and he's unhappy with that.

Take the alarms and the autism out of it and he's a bit of a knob really.

Yes the OP may be rigid around not starting the next task for 3 minutes. But the much bigger issue is why that's such a problem for the DH, almost like he doesn't like it if she's sat down not doing anything. When he himself has stayed in bed not doing anything.

I would prefer living with someone who had multiple alarms in the morning and stuck to them rigidly than someone who thought fit to criticise but contribute nothing. That sounds much harder work than merely having to exist in a house with someone who takes a little breather if they finish a task more quickly than they anticipated.

It’s better to brush before breakfast to protect the enamel, if you do brush after breakfast you’re better waiting at least 30 minutes after eating to brush (depending on what you’ve ate as well it’s not good to brush your teeth after eating sugar).

The child is autistic and needs a clear routine. The DH is just a nob. I expect the DD has an evening shower and the just needs a face wash in the morning. It’s not the point though. The point is a selfish man who doesn’t have his daughter’s interests at heart.

No one was surprised that the problem in the morning get-ready is the husband and not the young, autistic child.

I feel for you - this raises so many issues. What a miserable start to the day for you and your daughter and why on earth is he choosing do this to his family ? You sound very together so I am sure you have spoken with him / explained etc- this is his choice

I'd tell him you are requesting once more he keep the bathroom clear during that small window to facilitate DD getting ready for school. Then if he doesn't, it's clear he's making a concerted effort to be a prick, so I'd throw his bastard toothbrush in the bin and let him go and look for it. That'll get him out the bathroom. Twat

OP, just to say I hear you. It isn’t about teeth. It wouldn’t matter at what point your daughter wished to be in the bathroom. He’d still assume the world revolves around him.

My h used to be like this. The situation is reversed here. He is the autistic one with his set time in the bathroom that we all know to avoid. He gets up at the same time every day. All good. But on rare days when he didn’t - that he got up earlier or later - he would be angry if someone else was in the bathroom, like he had a divine right for his needs to trump everyone else’s.

He responded well to feedback on it though. I’d just move your husband’s toothbrush to a permanent place in the little cloakroom.