If your OH has one or more children they never see...

[recoveringworkaholic]

If your OH has one or more children they never see, and that you have never seen, and you know nothing about apart from what your partner has told you...

• What do they tell you about the child(ren) and former partner
• Do you believe everything they have said
• Do you ever wonder whether there is another version of events
• Have you ever asked to know more
• Does your partner try to see the child(ren), have they ever tried
• Depending on the circumstances, what do you think about your partner's character, does it bother you
• Have you been in a situation like this and found out relevant details later on, maybe after years that would have influenced your thinking if you had had all the information earlier

I'm in a situation, not wishing to go into detail on the Internet, but considering these questions and appreciate any insights.

You don’t need to be professional but you don’t need to be rude. Every situation is different. I personally think women who purposely baby trap men are the equivalent of prostitutes given they have sex then take money for 18 years both from the man and 99% of the time the tax payer. It’s sad that for men their only solution to avoid this realistically is to be celibate because all contraception can fail.

As I said previously, there is no acceptable scenario for a man to walk away from his child. Absolutely zero acceptable situations.

You can't "trap" a man with a baby either, if he doesn't want a baby he can use a condom, no one is forcing him to have unprotected sex. If contraception fails, then it's not her "trapping" him with a baby is it? If contraception fails he still needs to step up.

I am a woman who doesn't want a baby so guess what I do? I use contraception! I've managed to avoid getting pregnant for 16 years by doing just that, but you seem to think men are incapable of doing the same. I'd be embarrassed to infantalise men so much.

This is my point. Also managed to avoid getting pregnant for 20 years, but magically so many ONS’s result in a baby because the pill failed them.

Whilst men can use a condom, it can rip. The girl can pierce it. They have no choice after that point as you like to point out so yes, their only safe option sadly is to be celibate.

If the condom rips then it's not the woman's fault and it's not a "trap." If the man is dumb enough to trust the word of a ONS that she is on the pill, that's on him for being dumb. I have a DS and I have told him to ALWAYS wear a condom no matter what, if he chooses not to then don't complain if it results in a pregnancy.

As for piercing condoms, if he provides his own then that couldn't really happen. Again, if you're having a ONS with someone you don't know well, why would you trust them for the contraception? I sure would not rely on just a condom provided by a man, it's on me to ensure I don't get pregnant and it needs to work both ways, if a guy doesn't want to get a girl pregnant he needs to be responsible for the contraception.

My ex husband moved 700 miles away and changed his name. OW desperately needed to wipe our son off the face of the earth. I imagine her family have been told that I stopped contact and made their lives difficult in order to shift the blame.

I could not ever be with a man who has abandoned his own child. It's beyond low. Whatever he's told you OP, it's likely to be bullshit.

@Beezknees probably best for all concerned that you have no interest in motherhood. Not being able to critically think, understand nuance or have any compassion at all aren't a good look on a mother. ODFOTD!

I've not got children sadly but my sisters eldest sons sperm donor has always refused to have anything to do with him despite DNA proving he is the father & the door always being left open for him to have contact. My nephew is now 29 & is lucky to have had my sisters husband in his life since he was 3. He knows who is father is but takes the view of why should he bother?
My elder cousin has an adult son who neither he or his parents have any contact with by choice. He has however been accepted by all the wider family & its my cousins loss who I have lost a lot of respect for as a result.
So, no I couldn't respect or date a man who has children & chooses not to have contact. No matter how difficult the circumstances you find a way unless the father presented a safeguarding risk.

@Chocyaddict you sound incredibly naive lol

Naive? 😂😂😂 far from it hun x

So why didn't he wear a condom?

I don't buy this, sorry. There is no excuse for never having met the child. Because he wanted it aborted???????? No - he can't make that decision after the woman is pregnant. He should have thought more carefully before not wearing a condom. He didn't, then refused to accept the consequences.

He says she wanted his money.
But he wanted her vagina.
So there it is.

Jesus fucking christ 😂
The poor menz trapped by such awful women. Goodness me, anyone would think that these adult males, with brains and everything, didn't have any choices wouldn't they? Poor buggers out there getting trapped by prostitutes all over the shop. These bloody women/whores eh?

I do however respect your honesty. Not many actually say what they truly think but you eventually did. Bravo 👏

I have a child actually. He's 16.

I do not have compassion for men who don't take responsibility for their kids, no. Why should I? They need to grow the fuck up.

I'm sorry you have such low standards for men.

& the reason I have zero compassion is that I was a teenage mum myself with zero support but I actually owned up to it and accepted my responsibilities. Women seem to do that but men have every excuse under the sun as to why they can't. Very pathetic.

I don't have any detailed technical knowledge of this area but it seems likely to me that if social services were aware of someone who was in a position to assert parental responsibility, even if they hadn't previously done so, they'd want to tie up that loose end and get that person to sign it away before the adoption go ahead. They would surely ask the baby's mother about the baby's father, she'd say 'it's Mr PFloewr, he's not been involved though' and they'd go check that out to confirm that was the case. So I can see where you're coming from but this doesn't actually sound unlikely to me.

@PFlower

Please ignore some of the ill informed posters above. It completely makes sense that your partner was asked by the court for consent, even without him being on the birth certificate.

Obviously in the situation where there is no known father and noone on the birth certificate permission cannot be sought, but in this circumstance it sounds like the mother was truthful about their being a known and contactable father. Please see below:

However, even if your child’s biological father does not have parental responsibility, the court may still ask for his opinion if he is involved in the child’s life because an adoption order will terminate his parental rights.

A court can decide to make an adoption order without the consent of your child’s biological father if he cannot be found, he is unable to give consent perhaps because of a mental illness, or the child would be at risk if they were not adopted.