If your OH has one or more children they never see...

[recoveringworkaholic]

If your OH has one or more children they never see, and that you have never seen, and you know nothing about apart from what your partner has told you...

• What do they tell you about the child(ren) and former partner
• Do you believe everything they have said
• Do you ever wonder whether there is another version of events
• Have you ever asked to know more
• Does your partner try to see the child(ren), have they ever tried
• Depending on the circumstances, what do you think about your partner's character, does it bother you
• Have you been in a situation like this and found out relevant details later on, maybe after years that would have influenced your thinking if you had had all the information earlier

I'm in a situation, not wishing to go into detail on the Internet, but considering these questions and appreciate any insights.

Question 7: what does it tell you about your partner?

I do think the fact he was a young student (20, 21?) is a mitigating factor.

Not really. I was 17 when I got pregnant and didn't walk away from my child. Only young men seem to do that.

I was a Mum at 20, there's no excuse for not bothering with your child bar the legally required minimum.

It's pretty disgusting tbh.

Women can also be vindictive, callous and no matter what people say on here they can and do weaponise children.

I've seen this with my very own eyes.... and dealing with it.

It's not always black and white and not always the man's fault.

Being very young is not an excuse, I'm sorry, I was also a child when I got pregnant, but women don't get to walk away from their babies, it's piss poor that men do it and use age as an excuse.

Some are. But it's FAR more statistically likely that the man is just shit.

Massive red flag

I can't think of a single answer that would satisfy me. More than likely he's a dick, and the only other potentially, maybe defendable, option is he has an ex that stops access, but if that's the case that's drama I don't want in my life and he would hopefully be so preoccupied by trying to get access he wouldn't be looking for a relationship at this time 🤷‍♀️

He’s infertile, our child was adopted. So if she ever wants children it won’t happen as there’s no hope in hell social services would consider him again!

Don't you worry about what other secrets he's keeping? I doubt he was still a child himself. If he's old enough to have sex then he's surely old enough to pay for them.

Well that’s a whole other thread, we are not in a good place right now.

He was a child to be fair, 16 and 17, I know this for a fact. He did pay for them through the CSA, well as long as we were together and they were children, I have no idea about when he was younger.

He would have been maybe mid 40s at the time, not young.

Doesn't like using condoms. I haven't asked, but my guess would be probably didn't use anything.

I don't think he has tried to see the child. Still figuring it out but I don't think he has tried.

Nope. Either he’s rubbish and too lazy to try and see his child and doesn’t care - or he’s seriously bad news and there’s a reason the mum won’t allow access.

Sometimes the mothers use the kids as a weapon and withhold contact. The dad can go to court, but if the mother ignores the court order not much the court can do apart from jail them. And not many judges will jail a mother for that….
But on the other hand, there are more men that just can’t be bothered to see their kids.

If my ex did not allow me to see my child, as so many men claim, I just wouldn't be able to function day to day. I certainly wouldn't have the headspace to think about dating, or enjoying my life in any way, until I saw my child again.

That's why I think that most men who say this really don't care enough to try.

My cousin’s ex husband does not see his three kids
He told his girlfriend that my cousin will not allow him to see the kids because she is wicked.
The truth was that he was denied access because he abused my cousin

Op, you may need to do more digging

My brother. Has 50,000 different stories about the two that were adopted at birth, another 30,000 stories about the nasty woman won't won't let him see the middle two, then another 20,000 stories about the 5th babies mum. All of them say the women are out to get him and it's not his fault. No child support/minimum as he's on benefits due to his mental health and can't work (but does cash in hand plastering)

If anyone came near me with his bullshit about the mothers of his kids I would run a mile. It's him, He's a loser and doesn't give a dawn about you or the child to be, he just wants a shag.

I have a friend who has two kids with her dh - he already has 2 kids from a previous marriage who he hardly sees. My friend has only mentioned them once the whole time I’ve known her & his kids didn’t go to their recent wedding, it’s like they don’t exist. Very strange.

BIL stopped seeing his DC when they were 7 and 5 because they started to play up with his new wife during weekend contact. His solution to that was to drop all contact with them as "I have to put my wife first". For which I massively judge him.

Now I keep seeing FB posts from SIL banging on about what a great "doggy daddy" he is. The worst was the post about how they both had "fur babies not human babies". His real, actual human babies have been completely erased

If I met someone and he had kids he never saw there wouldn't be another date.

Why did he visit once and then just walk away? No child maintenance, no effort to be involved, no emotional pull towards his own child? He ignored them for years and then meekly signed away his parental rights - can you imagine doing that as a mother? That is what posters are reacting to. It's unconscionable, and I don't know how you could even look at him, never mind have more children with him.

I have a son with my ex wife.

She signed the Consent Order to say that she had no intention to marry or cohabit and promptly did. After moving out of the former matrimonial home she denied me access to remove my stuff - which got my Solicitor involves and we ended up going back to Court.

Anyway she went on to have another child - allegedly unplanned with new man. This broke up when the child was a baby, she was seen assaulting hinm in the road and abusing him in public. (Public School and First Class Honours Degree)

He ended up leaving the area and going back to the area his older son lived.

Now I dont think he was a charmer and she certainly wasnt but my mother was able to give me the sort of support that allowed me to maintain contact with my - only son and it wasnt always easy. His family lived a long way away and I suspect that the bottom line was faced with her behaviour.

So I can see why faced with the sort of problems he faced he just gave up

Are you considering dating this child abandoner?

What's their schooling and degree go to do with anything @JohnofWessex🙄