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Bit sad this evening. Please tell me a joke!

107 replies

Tellmeajoke · 29/04/2024 21:36

As the title says... I am a bit sad for reasons I won't go into. Fortunately time will shortly solve the relevant issues, but for the moment I am feeling down. Jokes would be very kindly received please.

OP posts:
ProfessorFJLewisThatsYouThatIs · 04/05/2024 02:09

A month ago, I read that smoking will knock years of your life.

Last week, I read that consuming alcohol can do the same.

Yesterday, I read that a lack of regular intensive exercise can also cut short your life expectancy.

Enough is enough, there comes a time when you have to just grasp the nettle and be determined... so today, I decided to give up reading.

SeatonCarew · 04/05/2024 02:10

What did one snowman say to the second snowman?

"Can you smell carrots?"

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 04/05/2024 02:14

A guy went into a French seafood restaurant and asked to see the dishes of the day. The waiter wheeled over a trolley with a large tank full of various species, and the man examined the dishes.

"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" said the man. "An excellent choice, they have a delicate, mild flavour." replied the waiter and called out "Gervais!"
A little French chef appeared with a large knife, the waiter instructed the chef to kill the little green squid. Gervais was just about to slice at the poor squid when he noticed a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admitted that he hadn't the heart to kill the squid.

"Not to worry" says the waiter, and called out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke came out of the kitchen. "Sir", said the waiter, "This is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans kill that little green squid”. The dishwasher wielded a huge rolling pin and was just about to bludgeon the little green squid when it cringed back and gave a little cry. "I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admitted, his lower lip trembling.

"Well sir," said the waiter, "it just shows......

… that Hans that does dishes can be soft as Gervais, with mild green, hairy lip squid!"

Tellmeajoke · 04/05/2024 03:52

Some of these are just terrible. Thank you 😂

Love the coward Aussie horses!

OP posts:
Boredandbitter · 04/05/2024 18:54

What are woks for?

Throwing at wabbits.

Ormally · 05/05/2024 22:40

A man goes to the doctor's with a nasty cough and fever.

"Have you experienced a recent loss of taste?" the doctor asks.

His wife answers: "No, he's always dressed like that."

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