My lodger has stolen some expensive foundation

[Pistachiovillian]

I've had the lodger about 3 months now.

I had some expensive foundation that I'd been saving as a gift to give to someone as I seldom wear it. It wasn't with my other make-up, that's all in the bathroom-it was still in its box, in the kitchen along with some other little bits I've saved up. It has been there for months.

Yesterday morning when I got up she'd already left the house and the bottle was in the bathroom near the mirror, where I'd normally put my make-up on and had obviously been used.

Last night I found the crumpled-up box on the stairs to her room.

I know It's 'just' a bottle of foundation. But it was expensive foundation (about £50 worth) that I'd felt I didn't want to just use myself. She'd have known it was expensive too.

It was obviously not with my other make-up, which I may have not been bothered if she'd used-I do have some foundation in the bathroom, obviously half-used, that she could have used as I do wear it occasionally and I'd have probably not even noticed that!

For what It's worth, I do have a bit of an issue with dealing with this sort of thing, confronting people, I never know how annoyed I am supposed to be! Childhood issue.

I do feel disrespected though. I'd never take something of someone else's without asking unless I 100% knew that they'd be okay with it! And if she's taken that, what else might she take going forward?

What would you feel about this? And do?

well its obvious that the gate has been left open on the CF farm again.

I wouldn’t feel ‘disrespected’ - I’d be bloody mad!

And I’d be asking her to leave.

This is so Single White Female (1992)... you need to watch that so you don't wake up one night being tortured with your kitchen tongs & colander by a psycho with a full face of your slap and wearing your best M&S nighty...

I don't want to be alarmist or overdramatic, but I'd start sleeping with an AK47 under your pillow...

It wasn't opened? Can't you read and understand the OP?

It wasn't opened? Can't you read and understand the OP?

How fucking rude tbh. Also - can't you read and understand where I've explained this?

I think the OPs first post was somewhat ambiguous. She said the bottle of foundation was put aside as she seldom wore it. Could be taken to mean that she doesn't use that particular bottle of foundation or that she seldom wears foundation. I first thought she meant the former.

And you don't need to dictate how others should feel.

So did I.

Have you spoken to her? I’d also ask about the colander etc. Very odd behaviour.

I would say "in a box with a few other odds and ends on top of the fridge" is tidied away tbh.

Exactly. Even if the landlords things were out on a table etc they are not for the lodger to take or use.

Are people actually posting to say that when you have a lodger, they should feel welcome to use all your stuff unless it's 'tidied away' into your room? That's not how it works, unless it's been stated. Because that would be ridiculous. Having a lodger would have gone out of fashion a long time ago!

Hi all, I'm back-work was manic yesterday and I didn't get chance to come back last night, apologies.

It does indeed teach you a lot about people when you live with them.

I can't really double check if she's seen it. It was by my mirror on the unit in the bathroom where I keep all my make-up, where she'd put it-I couldn't have really missed it unless I'd not been in the bathroom at all. It's the sort of bottle that stands out too. So I cant really ask what she did with it, I know what she's done with it, used it and dumped it in the bathroom.

I'd never use anything of anyone's without asking unless maybe making a cup of tea at my Mum's or something!

@OneFrenchEgg , yes I realise I should've been clearer in my wording definitely. I didn't buy it for my friend but it was unopened and unused and I thought my friend would like it as part of a gift.

@ChampagneLassie I am sorry that happened-yes this could be just the start.

I am going to have to do it by text. I wanted to say something to her in person, but I went to bed last night before she was home, and I heard her leave for work this morning when I was still in bed too, she starts at 07:30.

@Watchkeys good point, no I wouldn't ever steal anything in the first place! I guess if I was OFFERED something expensive I'd be more inclined to accept if I knew that person hadn't paid much for it...But that's different.

Thanks ~@godmum56 , it has made me feel odd I must admit, I just didn't think she'd do something like this, I guess because she generally presents as very pleasant and I'd never dream of it.

@Hadjab you're not wrong. I am a lot better than I used to be believe it or not but yes, mnore work needed. I tend to worsen when I've had long periods of stress and right now I have been in a stressful situation for quite a time.

I agree, her having perhaps needed it for a special occasion/job interview isn't an excuse (she hasn't had a job interview, I know that as she's only JUST started a new job this last week) she should have asked.

I love the examples of 'I'm not using my car so someone else can just take it' and the yarn! So valid!

It's true as well, had she asked me if she could have it or buy it from me I'd have probably let her. Could've always given my friend something else (I wasn't just going to give her the foundation anyway).

@OneFrenchEgg it wasn't used and wasn't opened.

I'm ignoring the troll posts

I am sorry, I realise I worded the OP clumsily. I did indeed mean I rarely wore foundation, period rather than I rarely used this bottle. The bottle she took was brand new and unopened. I wouldn't consider giving opened/used make-up as a gift at all.

I don't trust her now, that's for certain. Will make sure I don't leave my handbag downstairs definitely.

@milveycrohn sorry that happened to your DSs. I am wary of this lodger now.

@seethingmess yes, It's gone from where it was. It's not a common brand to use (Burberry) and lodger wouldn't have been able to afford it.

I am going to send her a msg shortly. I was hoping to catch her this morning but she left before I got up-she starts early but doesn't work every day.

I think I am just going to ask her why she took it, and where its box is.
Depending on what she says I will give her notice.

I feel a bit sorry for her, as she moved in with me out of desperation, had lost her guarantor on her last place and had nowhere to go. But that isn't an excuse. I wondering why she lost her guarantor now.

She's a friend of a friend although I'd met her before she moved in here and she'd always seemed nice enough.

I could get another lodger, or just go back to not having one. The £ comes in handy but I can survive without it-I more let her move in as a favour.

She used the foundation and left the crumpled up box on the stairs to her room.
A thief and a litterer.
Ugh !!!! I couldn't share my home with her.

Just give her notice, OP. What can she possibly say that would excuse her behaviour? If you give her a chance to make excuses, you'll start second guessing yourself and she'll try to make you feel bad.

Just message her: Hi CF, I'm giving you notice on your room. I need you to move out by X date, please. If you can go sooner, that would be better.

And that's it. You don't need to give her the reason.

@Pistachiovillian
Thank you for clarifying; I agree it's rude to take something in that scenario and tbh short of something like a sanitary pad or paracetamol I can't really imagine needing to do it.
If it's a one off can you asked her or do you think more is going on.

I’m glad you’re going to talk to her.

your house should feel safe. You shouldn’t have to second guess if you’re belongings are going to be taken

Message her today to say you can't believe she would steal from you and she has 24hrs to remove all her stuff and get out your house or you will call the police.

She has zero rights as a lodger and I wouldn't spend another moment in the same house as her.

Goddess, but this is bollocks. One - the police would not give a shit, and two, the OP has made it clear she doesn't like confrontation.

In what world do you type this and think, "wow, great advice, well done me"?

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain Regardless of whether lodger knows OP got this foundation at a reduced price from her DP, she should never have assumed to have opened or used it without checking with OP first. If she’d wanted to buy the foundation at cost price surely she should’ve asked OP about that or if OP’s DP could get another cheap foundation (cost price) for her too.

That's true, DP would have happily got her some at a discount (DP has discount all y ear round) or picked one up in the next staff sale for very cheap, had she asked!

@CombatBarbie I've no idea why she used it at all yet. I really cannot think, she works and goes to the pub/friends houses usually and that's it-hasn't mentioned any special occasion of course that doesn't mean she has't had one I was unaware of. I've messaged her now so maybe she will have some sort of explanation pending...

It was in a box but I am not sure if it had cellophane wrapping too.

@MzHz I was hoping to but time's ticking on and I haven't' seen her in the flesh so I have sent her a msg.

I've had lodgers before and haven't had any do anything like this-although some of them haven't been great in other ways!

I am not sure what to do/say about the missing kitchen items! I have just remembered, two dog bowls have also disappeared! Oh god. I was just thinking it was me being absent-minded but now I am beginning to feel suspicious.

The dog bowls aren't often used. DP has two dogs and sometimes they come here so I have them, but I don't use them often. Last time DP was here with the dogs, we couldn't find them. Quite large, stainless steel bowls. Not something I could've easily put somewhere unusual by mistake.

@Charlize43 thank you for that! I've not seen 'single white female' but I also do not unusually perhaps possess any AK47s. I really hope to not need one!

I think I am just going to ask her why she took it, and where its box is.

Don’t ask her that, you know where the box was. Tell her you’re upset that she used it and you found the box.

She's a thief, op. It's really quite simple. If she stole your make-up, she'll steal whatever else catches her fancy. Kick her the fuck out and stop waffling about this.

I couldn't have this person in my home a day longer that I had to.

She is a brazen thief.

Stand up for yourself OP and serve her notice. I know MN is popular for all manners of contortion when it comes to explanation. There really is none here. She stole from you.

This!

I've messaged her now so maybe she will have some sort of explanation pending

She might. But it will be 'The reason I stole your item was because...' and that's it. Theft.

She can't explain in any way that will make it not theft.