My lodger has stolen some expensive foundation

[Pistachiovillian]

I've had the lodger about 3 months now.

I had some expensive foundation that I'd been saving as a gift to give to someone as I seldom wear it. It wasn't with my other make-up, that's all in the bathroom-it was still in its box, in the kitchen along with some other little bits I've saved up. It has been there for months.

Yesterday morning when I got up she'd already left the house and the bottle was in the bathroom near the mirror, where I'd normally put my make-up on and had obviously been used.

Last night I found the crumpled-up box on the stairs to her room.

I know It's 'just' a bottle of foundation. But it was expensive foundation (about £50 worth) that I'd felt I didn't want to just use myself. She'd have known it was expensive too.

It was obviously not with my other make-up, which I may have not been bothered if she'd used-I do have some foundation in the bathroom, obviously half-used, that she could have used as I do wear it occasionally and I'd have probably not even noticed that!

For what It's worth, I do have a bit of an issue with dealing with this sort of thing, confronting people, I never know how annoyed I am supposed to be! Childhood issue.

I do feel disrespected though. I'd never take something of someone else's without asking unless I 100% knew that they'd be okay with it! And if she's taken that, what else might she take going forward?

What would you feel about this? And do?

Send her a message and email with a bill for the cost of the make up she took. Give her a time limit to pay you back. So you’d say could you transfer price of the make up to my bank account by the end of the week. If she doesn’t pay you back then you end her lodger contract and find someone else to share your living space.

@ludocris very doubtful if I am honest that she'd have the same brand. She doesn't have much money at all and it would cost about £50 and why would hers be in the kitchen still unopened in its box?

@ilovelamp82 it would need to be ordered, or she'd need to go to a branch of the store which are only in large cities but I do like that message otherwise.

@Quartzine yes that is what I feel about it too. It's one thing stealing a bit out of an opened obviously used bottle but opening a new one...

It was in an 'odds and ends' type box on top of my fridge, not as if she'd just possibly absent-mindedly put it on the work surface, she'd have needed to place it where it was.

Good point about not keeping make-up in my kitchen in future though!

Thanks @Watchkeys that is helpful.

I think I am going to wait until I see her in person? Or would sending a msg be better. She's at work at the moment.

Does he work for Estee lauder by any chance, my husband used too and I loved the staff Christmas and summer hampers!!

On the lodger, I'd just casually mention it when yous are both in kitchen next. "oh have you seen....."

@Ladyprehensile not taken any food to my knowledge but I will keep a more diligent eye now! Some kitchen things have gone missing. You're right about all of it, I can't trust her now.

You need to speak to her! Ask her why she opened something that you intended to give away as a gift . And request that she pays for it ( some discounted price since your dp gets them discounted? )

Thats exactly what I said…

’this was for a gift, why have you used it, I’ll need you to replace it’

You are making a mountain out of a molehill. Yes, OK, she shouldn't have used it but it was foundation that you got for free/cheap and had left lying around and clearly weren't using. I can see why she thought it was something you wouldn't be bothered if she helped herself to.

That’s a good idea actually, I’d send her what I’d type above in a message now.

@CombatBarbie no! But sounds like similar perks! Designer clothing brand, worn by the royals but became infamous in the 90s for the wrong reasons ( check print)?

In which case lodger could have asked, rather than just helping herself. How the OP obtained it is irrelevant.

I would leave bottle and box in kitchen and leave a note stating this was a gift you were saving and needs to be replaced by x date

Depending on her response
A) grovel and replace asap give second chance but keep close eye on things going forward
B) anything else ask her to leave

I give her notice. You can't live with a thief in your home :( You'd never be able to relax :(

But this is ops house -if she was expected to lock away everything she had worth over £30 the entire house would be bare!

OP I agree the level of annoyed you should be is pretty high. I would find it bizarre for her to use your normal opened foundation in the bathroom but opening something that is clearly not hers is unjustifiable.

That's an awful attitude to have. Do you make a habit of "borrowing" things that don't belong to you too?

It doesn't matter what she took,or the value, without asking, its the taking it that is the issue, and doing it so blatantly.

She is openly telling you who she is. I would tell her to leave.

Lest suppose she had seen the foundation a few times and thought that she would love bay and what a shame it's just sitting there not being used.

The first reasonable assumption is that the home owner has bought it as the replacement for one they are already using and when it's run out will be using this one. Therefore no need to touch it.

I'd die some reason they ran out of foundation and desperately needed one and remembered the foundation in the kitchen they would ask the home owner if they could buy it off them.

No, she just helped herself to an expensive item and didn't ask.

I would be demanding the full money for it and if she was in any way rude or refusing to pay I would give her as shortest notice as possible on the spot.

What?
it wouldn't matter if it was £1 from poundshop, its wrong (morally and legally) to take anything that you know isn't yours.
Even 5 year olds get that.

Send a text. It's easier to do that then tell her in person. Tell her she must give you a replacement by tomorrow.

That gives her the opportunity to order one online. Once you have the replacement I would give her notice. During the notice period I would make sure everything was in my room.

It's irrelevant what it cost or if you got it in discount or if you got it for free in fact. She has stolen an item from your home that belongs to you.

She needs to go, you cannot have someone with 'sticky fingers' living in your home.

I too would give notice, for your own peace of mind. You'll be forever wondering if she has taken anything else otherwise. Notice, then change the locks.

I’d be furious and this would be an infringement of my personal space. She’d have to replace the foundation asap. I’d also be giving her notice.

I was considering getting a lodger recently but have decided I can do without one now and this has only cemented my reasons why now.

Sorry, why would it only need to be replaced as it was for a gift? It needs to be replaced because it was not the lodger’s to take, full stop. What OP intended to do with it is neither here nor there.

OP I don’t understand why you are in any doubt whatsoever that her taking your things is wrong?

Ask her to leave. I don’t know if lodgers pay deposits but if she has paid one tell her you will deduct the cost of the item from that.

There are plenty of nice lodgers out there who would not dream of stealing your things.

Also, she leaves litter on the stairs? Another reason to get rid of her.

Photograph the box on the stairs and the foundation in the bathroom in case she tries to gaslight you.

@BreakfastAtMimis your post reminds me of those backpackers who moved into an 'abandoned' house in France when actually the owners had just been out for the day...