My lodger has stolen some expensive foundation

[Pistachiovillian]

I've had the lodger about 3 months now.

I had some expensive foundation that I'd been saving as a gift to give to someone as I seldom wear it. It wasn't with my other make-up, that's all in the bathroom-it was still in its box, in the kitchen along with some other little bits I've saved up. It has been there for months.

Yesterday morning when I got up she'd already left the house and the bottle was in the bathroom near the mirror, where I'd normally put my make-up on and had obviously been used.

Last night I found the crumpled-up box on the stairs to her room.

I know It's 'just' a bottle of foundation. But it was expensive foundation (about £50 worth) that I'd felt I didn't want to just use myself. She'd have known it was expensive too.

It was obviously not with my other make-up, which I may have not been bothered if she'd used-I do have some foundation in the bathroom, obviously half-used, that she could have used as I do wear it occasionally and I'd have probably not even noticed that!

For what It's worth, I do have a bit of an issue with dealing with this sort of thing, confronting people, I never know how annoyed I am supposed to be! Childhood issue.

I do feel disrespected though. I'd never take something of someone else's without asking unless I 100% knew that they'd be okay with it! And if she's taken that, what else might she take going forward?

What would you feel about this? And do?

@Pistachiovillian it wouldn’t matter how low value the item she had taken. If you take what’s not yours without asking then it’s bang out of order. Doesn’t matter if someone works there. I’d be concerned about trusting her at all!

Thanks for the copy editing!

It is not just rude, it's theft.

That’s a rubbish excuse, had to borrow it for a job interview!

OP should be able to leave what she likes, where she likes in her own home, in the safe knowledge that someone else won’t touch it (or use it). This would apply to a visitor to the house too.

Regardless of whether lodger knows OP got this foundation at a reduced price from her DP, she should never have assumed to have opened or used it without checking with OP first. If she’d wanted to buy the foundation at cost price surely she should’ve asked OP about that or if OP’s DP could get another cheap foundation (cost price) for her too.

I kind of think she thought it was spare - a used bottle left on the fridge for months? Did you tell her you were saving it for a purpose after you'd opened it? It's weird she took it though, I wouldn't want someone old used foundation !

Put the request for the money in writing so if (when) she admits to have "borrowed" it you have an audit trail for keeping £50 back from her deposit on departure. 🌹

What utter nonsense. I'm not using my car or my credit card at the moment, but that does not make these things fair game for any CF who happens to wander past.

But this hypothetical yarn was FREE and I wasn’t using it yet so it’s TOTALLY fine for others to help themselves and I should not be aggrieved about it.

Well someone has just outed herself as a CF! why the hell would you think anyone is entitled to take someone else's stuff???

You remind me of a god awful person we had in a flat share once, who treated the fridge as communal but all her stuff was "hers". She was asked to move out after 2 months.

But why wouldn't you give her notice-unless she comes up with a very good excuse and a heartfelt apology?

I was under the impression it wasn't used, and that the lodger opened it..

Oh it’s not a real thing that happened to you?
not a good hypothetical example, sorry.

@PercyJackson

I may have misinterpreted this:

I had some expensive foundation that I'd been saving as a gift to give to someone as I seldom wear it.

To mean that bottle rather than foundation generally

Amazing!!! My landlady leaves her diamond rings laying around all the time, I didn’t know I could just pocket them! Oh this is so exciting!

Stupid fucking post 🙄

I think she meant foundation in general, as she later on says that she doesn't really wear foundation. (And it would be an odd present to give to a friend for their birthday, an open part used bottle of makeup!)

@PercyJackson yes that's why I was so 'meh'! If it's not open that's different

not an excuse. In fact I cannot think of anything that would be an excuse.

I’m just trying to think of a reason why the lodger might plausibly say they needed foundation and didn’t have time
to buy it themselves…maybe there is no possible reason that you would accept but if it were me and she said she had an event or something and was desperate then I might be prepared to accept that.

But in the circumstances I agree it sounds very unlikely!

I would definitely say that you are upset that she took and used the foundation. Make-up feels to me like quite a personal thing to share. Whether you were using it, planned to use it or give it away doesn't matter. Is finding another lodger going to be difficult? Are you going to be happy living with her in the future?

It was theft. The lodger stole and used something that didn't belong to her

To me, the foundation was in a box which lodger crumpled up after taking the bottle/tube out and using it. Presumably it had cellophane on it too.

Anyone who’s any kind of polite person asks before they use anything.

In the past in emergencies for foundations I’ve “swiped” the free samples on makeup stands (drugstore) or asked a department store if they give samples, some do, some don’t. Also for me with the swiped stuff, it’s mostly to see if I liked that foundation for everyday and I’ll go back and buy it. In fact if the teeny tubes were on sale I’d actually buy them (at say £2-£3) as they’re very handy for travel or work makeup bags. I used to be given sample Lancôme mascaras that were just the right size for my teeny lashes.

I spoke to a Boots employee about this and she said so many testers got swiped it didn’t matter if I did it.

I'm amazed that anyone would think of using another's foundation, even if offered. Maybe I'm just too pale, but most foundations are too orange/dark for me Also texture is important (again maybe as I'm getting older), and a lot of foundations are too heavy/cakey for me.

With the above said, there is NO reason - no special occasion/date/job interview - that could possibly require or necessitate the use of another's foundation, as even leaving out the very obvious stealing, it would be much better to go out without foundation (maybe just using concealer), rather than use something that wasn't suited to skin type and colour.

Kick her out. Take the £50 out of her deposit if she paid one.

You can't have a thief living in your home with you. That's not safe. The fact that she was leaving the packaging strewn all over the place says nothing good about her character, either.

Kick her out and don't be sorry about it.

Both my DS have or have had lodgers.
This often happens, but not always so blatant. Sometimes it has been expensive cologne, that the lodger has just used. MY DS learnt to never leave anything good anywhere except in his own room.
Otherwise, the lodger(s) may help him or herself to your food (despite having their own shelf in F/F and own cupboard, etc. A small bit of milk for a cup of tea they would not be bothered about.
In this case, the trust will have gone, so I would give notice to quit.
Be there when the lodger eventually leaves (we have known cushions to go 'missing'), and that was when the lodger had decided to leave herself, after being there a year.

Presumably you've checked and your bottle is gone from the kitchen? You haven't just assumed it was your one? It seems so brazen to take it and leave it on display in the bathroom. If she has stolen yours, she needs to be told to leave. You can't live with a thief. The atmosphere would be awful.