My lodger has stolen some expensive foundation

[Pistachiovillian]

I've had the lodger about 3 months now.

I had some expensive foundation that I'd been saving as a gift to give to someone as I seldom wear it. It wasn't with my other make-up, that's all in the bathroom-it was still in its box, in the kitchen along with some other little bits I've saved up. It has been there for months.

Yesterday morning when I got up she'd already left the house and the bottle was in the bathroom near the mirror, where I'd normally put my make-up on and had obviously been used.

Last night I found the crumpled-up box on the stairs to her room.

I know It's 'just' a bottle of foundation. But it was expensive foundation (about £50 worth) that I'd felt I didn't want to just use myself. She'd have known it was expensive too.

It was obviously not with my other make-up, which I may have not been bothered if she'd used-I do have some foundation in the bathroom, obviously half-used, that she could have used as I do wear it occasionally and I'd have probably not even noticed that!

For what It's worth, I do have a bit of an issue with dealing with this sort of thing, confronting people, I never know how annoyed I am supposed to be! Childhood issue.

I do feel disrespected though. I'd never take something of someone else's without asking unless I 100% knew that they'd be okay with it! And if she's taken that, what else might she take going forward?

What would you feel about this? And do?

It seems quite simple - she took something that she knew wasn't hers. You can't trust her. She has to go.

You shouldn't have to hide stuff in your own house.

WTAF 😂

This 💯

And this. Absolutely

Spoken like a true thief. If it's not nailed down. Take it.

Tell her you know she's a thief.

Demand she pays up, immediately.

Then tell her to get out.

It was a new bottle that the OP intended to give a friend as a birthday gift.

She shouldn't have taken it but it had been used according to what you've said.

exact opposite to what OP said!

The comprehension skills on this thread are appalling!

I’d get rid of her asap. There is no excuse for this and I’d say the brazenness of it suggests she has 0 respect for you and will take whatever she fancies. She’s a massive risk. I had a sort of similar situation and in hindsight I was way too soft, I’d be changing locks and telling her to move immediately and that if she has a problem complying with that you’ll report the theft to the police. The risk of giving her notice is what she does in the meantime.

Sharing your home with someone is a big deal. The trust is gone so I think you should think what your boundaries and lines are. For me this would have crossed a line so it would be time for her to move on.

Not really,

'I had some expensive foundation that I'd been saving as a gift to give to someone as I seldom wear it.'

Without the update that her dh gets a discount it could be read as op doesn't wear that particular bottle. It's unusual to buy foundation if you don't wear it. And op didn't say 'I'd bought foundation as a gift for my friend'

my sort of similar was a housemate, and makeup was first thing she stole. I obviously couldn’t chuck her out, I had to move out. But initially I believed her that it was hers and maybe I’d lost mine. I’m not sure if she was annoyed I challenged her, or took against me but she started taking other stuff, next it was money. Then food from my cupboard. There were two others sharing and it was only happening to me. She completely denied it and suggested that I was imagining it / making it up and tried to get the others on her side. They didn’t know hi h of us to believe. Very uncomfortable. I moved out a week later, but felt very nervous that whole week

Whether dp didn't pay retail price for the foundation is entirely irrelevant. She has helped herself to something that isn't hers. Also everyone knows you don't share foundation. Agree with others you need to get rid.

Insist she replaces the foundation she took. No excuses. She knew it wasn't hers. It doesn't matter where you got it, who gave it to you or how much you paid for it. It was yours and she had no right to help herself.

Don't accept this behaviour. If she refuses to replace the exact same product like-for-like give her notice to move out.

For those who struggle with confronting others, this is the best route, there’s minimal stuff you need to say, you then step back and let them fill the awkward silence

@Pistachiovillian could you pull this off? You can’t let this go, you perhaps should also have her notice ready and give it to her at the same time.

You have to be able to trust the people you’re sharing your home with.

why would you let this person stay in any circumstances?

I've had over 100 lodgers over a 25-year period, and none has (to my knowledge) ever stolen anything belonging to another in this house. Don't let the OP make you think this is a regular thing with lodgers.

You don’t need to get angry. Just tell her calmly you’re really upset she used your stuff that was intended as a present for a friend.

why should it matter that it was for a friend? She used stuff that didn't belong to her full stop.

I like this. She clearly had to s oops to find it. I wonder what else will turn up missing.

Tidying things away isn’t hiding

Do you also believe that people who put their wallet/phone/handbag down in a public place and take their eyes off it for a few seconds don't really care about their possessions and it's ok for any passing scrote to take them?