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Original poster

Dh is in a mood, and said I've ruined his Sunday. Was I unreasonable?

144 replies

Winterysun · 28/04/2024 10:55

We're part of a group of friends, some couples & a few singles. I worked yesterday, and soon after coming home I had a text from dh, saying him & and a few of the men had been for a cycle and stopped at local pub. A few of the men's partners were mow joining them, and did I want to meet them all there.

Tbh I'd had a fairly long day and wasn't bothered about going out again. But knew I'd enjoy seeing them all, so quickly made something to eat, showered and met them all an hour later. It was a really nice evening, only marred by my friend repeating to me what my dh had said to the group. He apparently said he'd 'better' text me, or I'd be upset with him for leaving me out! 🤔

I almost didn't have the energy to go FGS, so I'd hardly have felt 'left out'! I also went because dh sounded as though he wanted me there, not asked me because he 'had to'.

I said this to him this morning, said once I realised he'd asked me out of 'duty' I felt uncomfortable sat there, and I wouldn't have said that to the others about him, why did he about me?

He's turned round and said 'See? This is what happens with all of you, things get repeated and people get upset. Thanks for ruining today!' He's gone into town now, but I shouldn't have just let it go, should I?!

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 28/04/2024 10:57

I think your friend was shit stirring. Why on earth would she say that to you? Even if he did say it.

Dingo33 · 28/04/2024 10:59

Yeah that's not a nice thing for him to say to your friends. Also shit of your friend to pass it on to you, they were stirring up trouble. That's the kind of comment you should just roll your eyes at, file under "evidence of character" and then move on.

Changingplace · 28/04/2024 10:59

I think you’ve blown this out of proportion, saying he’d ‘better’ text you is just a turn of phrase, and if you didn’t want to go nobody forced you. What an unnecessary drama over nothing!

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SummerFeverVenice · 28/04/2024 11:01

I don’t understand why any of that is upsetting? I think YABU.

wpalfhal · 28/04/2024 11:02

It's a turn of phrase, you have a bitchy "friend" who wants you to be miserable and you've reacted like a teenager.

InTheRainOnATrain · 28/04/2024 11:02

Jeez with friends like that who needs enemies! What a shit stirrer. Sounds like a fly away comment said in jest, the gist being everyone was having fun and he didn’t want you to miss out, so he invited you. Doesn’t sound like pity invite at all. I think you’re being weird about it and if you want someone to be annoyed at definitely make it the shit stirring ‘friend’ because I don’t see what DH has done wrong.

Shinyandnew1 · 28/04/2024 11:02

wpalfhal · 28/04/2024 11:02

It's a turn of phrase, you have a bitchy "friend" who wants you to be miserable and you've reacted like a teenager.

Absolutely agree!

Freakinfraser · 28/04/2024 11:04

I think your friend was shit stirring and I can’t beleive you’ve reacted so badly to such a silly comment, is there. Back story? Is your marriage in trouble?

it’s the sort of thing I’d say as light hearted, it would never be as deep as you’ve made it.

Comedycook · 28/04/2024 11:06

Yabu. I'd have taken him saying he should message you or you'll feel left out as just being chit chat/banter with friends.

Lemevoir · 28/04/2024 11:06

Would you have been annoyed if he hadn't texted you and you only found out later that the group had met up without you knowing?

DeadButDelicious · 28/04/2024 11:07

Sounds like your 'friend' was stirring the pot. There was no need to tell you, what purpose does it serve other than upsetting you? Not a very nice friend if you ask me. I very often say phrases like 'Oh, I best text DH' it means nothing, just a turn of phrase. Do you have any other reason other than shit stirring friend to believe your DH would only invite you out of duty? Is he right to be annoyed about gossip causing issue in your friend group?

RainStreakedWindows · 28/04/2024 11:07

wpalfhal · 28/04/2024 11:02

It's a turn of phrase, you have a bitchy "friend" who wants you to be miserable and you've reacted like a teenager.

This. I can imagine me saying this about my husband or him about me. It means nothing. Your friend was being a bitch and you have overreacted. Not surprised your husband feels his day was ruined.

pinkdays · 28/04/2024 11:09

wpalfhal · 28/04/2024 11:02

It's a turn of phrase, you have a bitchy "friend" who wants you to be miserable and you've reacted like a teenager.

This. Why did the 'friend' pass that comment on?

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 28/04/2024 11:10

I’m on team DH here: it’s a turn of phrase, you’re being utterly ridiculous

but I shouldn't have just let it go, should I?!

yes! That’s exactly what you should have done!

Scottishshortbread11877 · 28/04/2024 11:10

I don't understand why that's upsetting? My fist thought to that comment would be I was glad to have made the effort as it was nice to see everyone. Your DH texting you so you wouldn't feel left out is nice isn't it?

Scottishshortbread11877 · 28/04/2024 11:12

Scottishshortbread11877 · 28/04/2024 11:10

I don't understand why that's upsetting? My fist thought to that comment would be I was glad to have made the effort as it was nice to see everyone. Your DH texting you so you wouldn't feel left out is nice isn't it?

First

rubyslipperss · 28/04/2024 11:12

As @DeadButDelicious said no reason for friend to pass this on other than to be nasty. And it's worked! This is something I can imagine my DH saying maybe possibly being a bit dramatic about it but only for a fact and it wouldn't bother me.
Me and my group of mates would say this about including another friend ' oh I better just text ' friend ' she might be upset if she misses out' but just to be inclusive .
Your DH saying it's ruined his day is a bit much but all a lot of drama over nothing !

rubyslipperss · 28/04/2024 11:13
  • for effect
Circumferences · 28/04/2024 11:13

Your DH was joking with friends, the friend took it as an opportunity to have a dig at you as a couple (lovely), you brought the comment up the next morning instead of just brushing it off.
I'd be exasperated too if I were DH.

Willmafrockfit · 28/04/2024 11:15

he is guilty and has been found out.
objects too much i think

Willmafrockfit · 28/04/2024 11:16

dont let it ruin your weekend
let it go

CatamaranViper · 28/04/2024 11:18

I don't think it's just the use of the word better, but the comment after that OP would be upset with him if he left her out. It implied that he's not bothered about her being there but just inviting her so he doesn't get in trouble.
I can imagine it said with a tut and an eye roll.
It's not nice to feel not wanted but even if he did say it in a jokey way, your friend was a twat for passing that on.

Mind, he's reacted badly today about it. Storming off rather than talking about it?

Vastlyoverrated · 28/04/2024 11:19

I think this was an off the cuff kind of thing you say when with friends, he probably really wanted you there but didn't want to look too dependent! He asked you to go, you made the effort, all is good. Friend is, as everyone says, a bit of a shit-stirrer.

I'd apologise, say you realise he wanted you to go along, but were a bit tired, glad you did and try and move on.

MonsteraMama · 28/04/2024 11:22

I'm getting the impression this sort of thing happens a lot based on your husband's reaction. Your friend sounds like a bitch.

Tbh I'm on team DH, I can't stand shit stirrers and I can't stand people who welcome the stirring with open arms and create exactly the drama the stirrer was aiming for.

FortunataTagnips · 28/04/2024 11:22

You massively overreacted to a jokey comment. I have no idea why your friend decided to repeat it. Your poor DH!