Dh is in a mood, and said I've ruined his Sunday. Was I unreasonable?

[Winterysun]

We're part of a group of friends, some couples & a few singles. I worked yesterday, and soon after coming home I had a text from dh, saying him & and a few of the men had been for a cycle and stopped at local pub. A few of the men's partners were mow joining them, and did I want to meet them all there.

Tbh I'd had a fairly long day and wasn't bothered about going out again. But knew I'd enjoy seeing them all, so quickly made something to eat, showered and met them all an hour later. It was a really nice evening, only marred by my friend repeating to me what my dh had said to the group. He apparently said he'd 'better' text me, or I'd be upset with him for leaving me out! 🤔

I almost didn't have the energy to go FGS, so I'd hardly have felt 'left out'! I also went because dh sounded as though he wanted me there, not asked me because he 'had to'.

I said this to him this morning, said once I realised he'd asked me out of 'duty' I felt uncomfortable sat there, and I wouldn't have said that to the others about him, why did he about me?

He's turned round and said 'See? This is what happens with all of you, things get repeated and people get upset. Thanks for ruining today!' He's gone into town now, but I shouldn't have just let it go, should I?!

Mind, he's reacted badly today about it.Storming off rather than talking about it?

The OP’s comment of 'See? This is what happens with all of you, things get repeated and people get upset. Thanks for ruining today!' suggests this isn’t the first time
she’s overreacted like this.

Poor bloke.

You have massively overreacted . Imagine the scenario - group in pub and your husband says ‘oh I’d better text @Winterysun or she will think she’s missing out ‘ - it’s a perfectly normal thing to say . You owe your husband an apology .

Perhaps you could have taken your husband's side, rather than accusing him. 'You know what X said last night?' More like a light hearted comment or joke. So you could put a united front next time. Is this a particular problem within the group? If you don't like your husband making such comments, just speak to him calmly about your feelings, rather than blaming him.

Thanks for all your messages. Yes, if he hadn't let me know I'd have been a bit miffed. BUT my point is what he said to our friends before texting me. Why couldn't he just say - 'Oh I'll just text Winterysun to see if she wants to join us, she'll be back from work soon'. Why add in 'I'd better, or I'll be in trouble'!
Ok, my friend shouldn't have passed it on but he spoke in quite a negative way about me, I don't like that.

doesnt sound a good situation either way
she told you his reaction
and then he reacted badly to being told that she told you.
odd

Agree with others. You DH used a common turn of phrase, the friend is a shit storing bitch, you have over reacted.

If your DH hadn't wanted to invite you he wouldn't have done. He's made a flippant comment to the friend' which was him saying that he's messaged you to join them because clearly in his mind he'd like you to be there.. but in stereotypical man tone doesn't want to say 'I'd like my DW here so I'll message here to see if she will come' so said it in a flippant joke way, which you're friend has regurgitated with a bitchy spin.

So you've never made an off the cuff comment about your DH that at face value could be interpreted as negative but you actually meant the opposite?

Blimey if you listened to the way me and DH talk about each other at face value you'd think we hated each other! We actually love each other very much and our friends know this. As I'm sure your friendship group who see you together knows you and your DH do.

The friend sounds insecure.

did it ruin your evening?

Why add in 'I'd better, or I'll be in trouble'!

It’s an off the cuff, funny comment. It doesn’t sound like you actually like him very much.

You 2 dont sound compatible in the least op

To me the problem seems to be your friend and perhaps your overreaction (possible to ask for clarification if you had to without sounding accusatory?), not your DH.

I can see myself using the same phrase without meaning anything bad. Perhaps as an explanation why I’m using my phone while sat at a table with people.

@Winterysun it's a light hearted joke? The kind of things partners say all the time, why are you taking it so literally? Do you struggle with humour this much usually?

Why couldn't he just say - 'Oh I'll just text Winterysun to see if she wants to join us, she'll be back from work soon'. Why add in 'I'd better, or I'll be in trouble'!

It's a turn of phrase. Unless he is actually a total dickhead that you haven't mentioned then you are being over sensitive.

It sounds like your husband doesn't like you very much and your friend wants you to know that

Why on earth did he feel he HAD TO ask you? Didn't he want you there? Very strange

is he always moody?

I disagree with most of the replies. He said “things get repeated and people get upset” sounds like he knew damn well you’d be upset at it. Depends whether it was a misplaced joke or a part of a long history of him being negative about you.

YABU. He was giving you a heads-up, not summoning you. And personally I'd indeed have been miffed had I not been given a choice.

Yes exactly

Hes pissed off because he was dismissive and disrespectful of you, you found out and now he is 'in trouble'

He sounds like some silly hormonal 15 year old 🤮

I wonder how often he is dismissive of you, and you don't know?

He texted you because he wanted you there.

All this “Uh suppose I’d better text the old ball and chain” is just front.

Well your shit stirring friend has achieved what she undoubtedly wanted to.

I think you’ve over-reacted.

You are being very unreasonable. It sounds like the 'friend' likes to cause trouble in other people's relationships because she's a vile person deep down.

It was a jokey comment in my opinion and instead of turning it on my DH, I would have pointed out to him the bitchy comment that was made by said 'friend'and her faux concern.

Unless there is a back story than this a massive over reaction to a basic turn of phrase. Can't even imagine giving this a second thought re husband however I might wonder if friend has something going on to have bothered to bring this up.

Or history of OP getting upset over silly stuff like this. Difficult to say which it is from the given info

Good lord. Are you always like this? Nit picking and so sensitive?

it’s a normal light hearted turn of phrase.

So @Winterysun brought it up as something she felt a bit hurt about, and instead of apologising for saying something thoughtless, he's accused her of ruining his day and gone of in a strop?

Classy!