Why would I be sent a wedding invite when I've already agreed with Bride that I can't attend?

[RollnRock]

My niece, who lives in Ireland, is getting married in the summer.
As I'm living in the UK, she messaged me a couple of months ago to ask if I would be able to attend.
I said I couldn't as my husband, who is a teacher, couldn't get time off as the wedding is on a Friday during term time.
I could have attended with our kids but it would have cost over £2k just for the weekend (flights, car hire,hotel, food, not including present).
We are travelling to Ireland a few weeks after the wedding so I said we would see them then.

This week I have received an invite to the wedding in the post which has puzzled me.
Why would they send this when we've already told them that we can't attend?

She wants a present.

Because she wants to show off the pretty invitation which she has paid for and is hoping for a wedding gift.

Because its a formal invite and you were on her list. Circumstances may change. It isnt a summons

Maybe she is hoping you will attend by yourself as she really wants you there?

Politeness. We invited people we knew very well couldn’t attend for health reasons, because they were close family and we wanted them to feel included.

We did not want, or receive, a gift from them. That would be tacky.

It's a threat. Shred it and post it back to show you won't be intimidated.

Sometimes in Ireland, people like to have an actual physical invitation. They ordered so many and you are going to be able to put it on your mantel piece . 😁 Crazy but there it is.

Because she wants you to know you are welcome if you can make it. So you can't go hmpf I didn't get an invite. And so you send a gift...

DM would have expected me to send an invitation so that the person definitely knew they were invited (even if it was already known they couldn't go)... it's to avoid accusations of being snubbed!

🤣🤣🤣

Agree, politeness. I get wedding invites from extended family but sometimes my shifts don't land well so I can't go. But they don't want me to think they haven't thought of me.

I imagine it just felt polite or kind to send an invitation so you didn't feel like you weren't wanted.
It doesn't need overthinking. I see it as a nice gesture.

I think it's a lovely thing to do, a lot of people like to know the details and keep the actual invitation for a while.

So that you get the gift list.

Because she wants to make sure that you know that she wants you there, it’s just unfortunate you can’t go.

Or in case you decided to go yourself.

Politeness. She knows you can't come. She thought you might like to treasure the invite, even though you can't make it.

Brides rarely realise that no one else is that interested in their wedding. She's doing a nice thing.

Politeness and a formailty.
She would like you to attend, knows you probably can't but circumstances can change. Inviting you to indicate she would like you included.
Just send a regret card.
And in reponse to pp if was my niece I'd buy a wedding present regardless of attendance.

I would have wanted the invite anyway so I can get details to send a gift as that's usually included in the invite.

Plus she wants you there so she's extending you a formal invitation so you know you're wanted and have the info you need incase your circumstances change and you do decide to go.

I would think it very impolite to not bother sending you one after a phone call. Plus she's probably already had them ordered and paid for with the printers so at that point she may as well include you. Some people like an invitation as a keepsake as well. I think you're really over thinking this. And I'm surprised at how many people are assuming she's being grabby when it's the proper etiquette she should be following?

What if you had said no but changed your mind? Many MNer would probably be offended if they had not received an invitation despite them saying they couldn't go.

It’s polite to provide you with a formal invitation, even if you have spoken casually.

a wedding is also a huge logistical operation. It is much easier to have a formal guest list and to have those guests all reply using the same organized system. In my day that was response cards that we put a subtle number in the corner on the back in case we couldn’t read the hand writing. We wanted those response cards back even from obvious attendees like parents and members of the wedding party because it helped with organization, which is why we provided a pre-addressed, pre-stamped envelope.

So you have made plans to go travelling to Ireland a few weeks after her wedding? But couldn't arrange the trip over the time your niece had her wedding?

WTAF? Why did you not just go for the wedding? I'd be pissed off if I were your niece and would go very low contact with you ...

Sometimes people just can't do right for doing wrong, can they!

I assume she was just being polite!

I'd assume she's being polite and just giving you an opportunity in case you've changed your mind.
Do you always take offence/suspicion at everything?

If I remember correctly some of the wedding etiquette info I read in the run up to my own wedding does suggest that you should still send a formal invitation. I’ve been married a long time so things may have changed and it might be less common now.